(no subject)
So my life sucks...
Things that might make me even a little happy just seem to get crushed
* I'm failing classes and I don't know if I can pull them up to a C in time (D's don't transfer) and I HATE KCC and online classes (burn in hell!)
* I found out that I only make $6.80 (AFTER being promoted) while everyone else at my work got STARTED off at $7.00 (BEFORE I EVEN GOT PROMOTED!) And i'm a keyholder AND NONE OF THEM ARE
* Places I've turned in applications to only give me the "if you don't hear anything within the week..." SO NO THEY ARENT GOING TO HIRE ME
* My bank account is slowly draining to nothing
* I might not have enough money, after my car payment, to get things I want to for the ISU trip, or even money to get into keggers!
* My birthday is in a little over a week and I could not care less
* I don't know if I'm going to Columbia next year because they haven't sent me a letter yet...and if i don't get in I have NO IDEA what i'm going to to next fall
* Even if I do get in, I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do about money, housing, if i'm even going to live in chicago, etc. And I'm scared that going there won't change anything thats wrong in my life, and will only make it worse because I'll be farther from the friends I do have left.
* I spend too much money on drugs, but they are the only thing that makes me happy and makes me have a good time anymore
* My computer is going down the shitter and a program i downloaded yesterday to FIX it deleted my sound card, so now i can't listen to music (and i bought speakers two days ago which made me very happy...for a day)
* I have a stereo, mounting kit, and radio adapter for my car but have been unsuccessful in installing it (the mechanics said they would try but said i had to wrong adapter) so I've given up (but a stereo in my car would make me happy)
* I don't find enjoyment in things I used to do by myself (painting, watching movies or t.v., playing guitar, etc.) I feel like I want to be hanging out with other people all the time. Like I want to feel loved and not bored AT ALL
* I'm still confused over Danny. Do I still love him? Or do I just wish that I had a boyfriend? I really don't know. But I was just over his house last night and we had a good time just laughing and watching his puppy go crazy. And his cat had MORE kittens and I asked if I could have one of the all black ones when it got old enough. I DON'T CARE IF MY PARENTS SAY NO. A kitten would make me so happy, and I'll pay to get it declawed. (if i have enough $ to)
* I feel like I have so much built up inside that I just want to scream or cry.
* I'm slowly realizing that I'll probably end up amounting to NOTHING in life. Will I even graduate from college? Will I keep my car intact until i'm done paying for it? Will I find someone to love? Will I ever get my shit together? I really don't know
* I think what I need in my life right now is a lot of friends. Friends to make me laugh and have a good time with me. But the only friend who is around here still and calls me back and wants to hang out is Amy. All the rest either don't seem interested in hanging out or hang out with me when they want to match bowls. I just need all the people who actually do care about me to tell me so. Because sometimes I just cry thinking about whats happened to me. I've gone from being the happiest I've probably ever been (my senior year in high school) to the worst i've ever felt (freshmen year at college)
* I feel like I should start a journal. A personal one to write everything on my mind in. I've been wanting to for the past month, and for some reason have not. Maybe it is because I keep forgetting? or i'm too lazy to find a journal? I don't know
* I am so overwhemled with everything wrong in my life that I don't even notice the good things anymore, if there are any
The only thing right now that is making me a little happy is the thought of forgetting about everything for 3 days and having a good birthday getting fucked up and druuuuunk at ISU
Is it normal to be excited at the thought of getting severely fucked up?
Things that might make me even a little happy just seem to get crushed
* I'm failing classes and I don't know if I can pull them up to a C in time (D's don't transfer) and I HATE KCC and online classes (burn in hell!)
* I found out that I only make $6.80 (AFTER being promoted) while everyone else at my work got STARTED off at $7.00 (BEFORE I EVEN GOT PROMOTED!) And i'm a keyholder AND NONE OF THEM ARE
* Places I've turned in applications to only give me the "if you don't hear anything within the week..." SO NO THEY ARENT GOING TO HIRE ME
* My bank account is slowly draining to nothing
* I might not have enough money, after my car payment, to get things I want to for the ISU trip, or even money to get into keggers!
* My birthday is in a little over a week and I could not care less
* I don't know if I'm going to Columbia next year because they haven't sent me a letter yet...and if i don't get in I have NO IDEA what i'm going to to next fall
* Even if I do get in, I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do about money, housing, if i'm even going to live in chicago, etc. And I'm scared that going there won't change anything thats wrong in my life, and will only make it worse because I'll be farther from the friends I do have left.
* I spend too much money on drugs, but they are the only thing that makes me happy and makes me have a good time anymore
* My computer is going down the shitter and a program i downloaded yesterday to FIX it deleted my sound card, so now i can't listen to music (and i bought speakers two days ago which made me very happy...for a day)
* I have a stereo, mounting kit, and radio adapter for my car but have been unsuccessful in installing it (the mechanics said they would try but said i had to wrong adapter) so I've given up (but a stereo in my car would make me happy)
* I don't find enjoyment in things I used to do by myself (painting, watching movies or t.v., playing guitar, etc.) I feel like I want to be hanging out with other people all the time. Like I want to feel loved and not bored AT ALL
* I'm still confused over Danny. Do I still love him? Or do I just wish that I had a boyfriend? I really don't know. But I was just over his house last night and we had a good time just laughing and watching his puppy go crazy. And his cat had MORE kittens and I asked if I could have one of the all black ones when it got old enough. I DON'T CARE IF MY PARENTS SAY NO. A kitten would make me so happy, and I'll pay to get it declawed. (if i have enough $ to)
* I feel like I have so much built up inside that I just want to scream or cry.
* I'm slowly realizing that I'll probably end up amounting to NOTHING in life. Will I even graduate from college? Will I keep my car intact until i'm done paying for it? Will I find someone to love? Will I ever get my shit together? I really don't know
* I think what I need in my life right now is a lot of friends. Friends to make me laugh and have a good time with me. But the only friend who is around here still and calls me back and wants to hang out is Amy. All the rest either don't seem interested in hanging out or hang out with me when they want to match bowls. I just need all the people who actually do care about me to tell me so. Because sometimes I just cry thinking about whats happened to me. I've gone from being the happiest I've probably ever been (my senior year in high school) to the worst i've ever felt (freshmen year at college)
* I feel like I should start a journal. A personal one to write everything on my mind in. I've been wanting to for the past month, and for some reason have not. Maybe it is because I keep forgetting? or i'm too lazy to find a journal? I don't know
* I am so overwhemled with everything wrong in my life that I don't even notice the good things anymore, if there are any
The only thing right now that is making me a little happy is the thought of forgetting about everything for 3 days and having a good birthday getting fucked up and druuuuunk at ISU
Is it normal to be excited at the thought of getting severely fucked up?