(no subject)
This post may be a bit (emo?)
Whatever
I just have been feeling all this shit that I haven't expressed at all
I feel like I am fucking up my life and all i'm doing is sitting back and watching it happen
I feel like I am just putting on a show and inside all I feel is lonliness
And I don't think I like myself
I can't even be content doing anything I used to like
I feel like everything I am doing is completely pointless
And sometimes I even think about following my sister's cue and finding a nice guy to knock me up so my occupation can be mother
Danny is still my friend but it isn't the same
We still fuck but it isn't the same
Its fucking not making love
I just feel empty having him not want to be my boyfriend anymore
I also don't feel like I have a friend I can vent to
I don't want to bore or bother anyone with random bullshit that i think about
I just feel like crap
Feeling like shit all the time leads to a lot of pot smoking
It has become more of a need than a want
I think I am addicted mentally
I am coughing up phlem constantly, and when i breathe i hear a little rattle
I think I have a cold but cold medicine doesn't make anything better and the only thing that is wrong with me is my cough and bright green phlem
Also I don't know what is going on with my body
I weight 115 now by the way
My boobs went from being a 38 D to a 34 C and I actually don't even think they are a C it is just the bra I bought
They aren't as nice as they used to be either
Am I smoking so much pot that I am forgetting to eat?
Or is it I am just too lazy to make any food?
I wish I knew
So I hate my situation with Danny, I hate myself, I hate my boobs, I hate that weed is making me die, and the only thing I want and think I need in my life right now is someone to love, and love me back
I'm just so confused
And you know what I am going to do about it?
Have Amy and Tony come over in a little bit to drown my sorrows with Vodka and
MORE Weed
Then we're going to go see Grandma's Boy
I need a good laugh
Too bad everytime I laugh now I start coughing
The only highlight of my life in the past few days was when my sister called me and said that Audrey was really upset because she lost her balloon
So I tried to cheer her up by singing with her
We sang songs like twinkle twinkle little star and the itsy bitsy spider
And when I finished the songs because she forgot the words she would say "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"
We also talked about her balloon
I told her it was ok because it was with the birds and airplanes now and maybe an airplane would catch her balloon and bring it back to her
She said "Balloon? airplane? hehehehe"
I can't wait until my sister moves here
I think I need Audrey in my life a hell of a lot more
Whatever
I just have been feeling all this shit that I haven't expressed at all
I feel like I am fucking up my life and all i'm doing is sitting back and watching it happen
I feel like I am just putting on a show and inside all I feel is lonliness
And I don't think I like myself
I can't even be content doing anything I used to like
I feel like everything I am doing is completely pointless
And sometimes I even think about following my sister's cue and finding a nice guy to knock me up so my occupation can be mother
Danny is still my friend but it isn't the same
We still fuck but it isn't the same
Its fucking not making love
I just feel empty having him not want to be my boyfriend anymore
I also don't feel like I have a friend I can vent to
I don't want to bore or bother anyone with random bullshit that i think about
I just feel like crap
Feeling like shit all the time leads to a lot of pot smoking
It has become more of a need than a want
I think I am addicted mentally
I am coughing up phlem constantly, and when i breathe i hear a little rattle
I think I have a cold but cold medicine doesn't make anything better and the only thing that is wrong with me is my cough and bright green phlem
Also I don't know what is going on with my body
I weight 115 now by the way
My boobs went from being a 38 D to a 34 C and I actually don't even think they are a C it is just the bra I bought
They aren't as nice as they used to be either
Am I smoking so much pot that I am forgetting to eat?
Or is it I am just too lazy to make any food?
I wish I knew
So I hate my situation with Danny, I hate myself, I hate my boobs, I hate that weed is making me die, and the only thing I want and think I need in my life right now is someone to love, and love me back
I'm just so confused
And you know what I am going to do about it?
Have Amy and Tony come over in a little bit to drown my sorrows with Vodka and
MORE Weed
Then we're going to go see Grandma's Boy
I need a good laugh
Too bad everytime I laugh now I start coughing
The only highlight of my life in the past few days was when my sister called me and said that Audrey was really upset because she lost her balloon
So I tried to cheer her up by singing with her
We sang songs like twinkle twinkle little star and the itsy bitsy spider
And when I finished the songs because she forgot the words she would say "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"
We also talked about her balloon
I told her it was ok because it was with the birds and airplanes now and maybe an airplane would catch her balloon and bring it back to her
She said "Balloon? airplane? hehehehe"
I can't wait until my sister moves here
I think I need Audrey in my life a hell of a lot more