(no subject)
[Saturday
March 17th, 2007
8:05pm]
I know what I'm doing might be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
but the thought of you leads me
to temptation
I wrote that about a month before Danny and I started going out. I can remember why I wrote the words to that song and it was only cause he was such an unattainable person. He was someone I was attracted to and shouldn't have been. Around that time he was the guy that I got butterflies in the pit of my stomach whenever he looked at me and he was the person I could sneak a kiss or two with only when everyone else was in a different room. I remember the exact night when I fell in love with him and it was long after my 16th birthday when I accepted a necklace from him and had to lie to my boyfriend about it haha. and long after he would text me and I would tell him I had a boyfriend,sorry, not interested. and after I got bored of my life and just used him as a hook-up and a way to rebel. and pretty long after New Years when we were so drunk and stopped caring and I took him up to my room only to spill wine on the floor, kiss for two seconds, get bored, and go back to the party.I guess he wasnt necessarily a boy I didnt know but when you stop seeing someone at the age of 8 or 9, and see them again when theyre 19, it's like you never knew them at all. So I was attracted to a boy that I didnt know and I didnt know why. That night we talked from 10 pm to 7 am, about almost everything. and I woke up at 8 not feeling tired at all and happier than I had been since one night in february. I dont know what it was but I felt something completely different in me. I didn't know much about him back then and more than a year has gone by since I saw him again for the first time, but only a little more than half a year has gone by since I fell in love with him and barely knew him. and now, I'm the person who knows him better than anyone. The only person with the courage to ask him about his dad and the only person he gathers the courage to talk about it with. I'm the only girl he's ever loved. In 20 years of his life, I'm the only girl he's ever cared about. and I know it. he shows it. And here I am, for the past month and a half I've hated him so much. and blamed him for so many irresponsibilities of mine. but now I feel the way I did that day I fell in love. Like an idiot. Because I love him more than I think I'm capable of but, classic me,I'm wondering if this is how Ive felt before. If before this Ive thought I had never felt this before too, and maybe I just forget. and here I am thinking that by the 8th month Im going to get bored and get over it but hoping with all my heart that myself wont do that to me.
So here's to what I hope is true love.
Here's to it lasting for as long as a love like ours should.
Here's to Paris on December 31st and my first real, sober, New Years Kiss.
cheers
March 17th, 2007
8:05pm]
I know what I'm doing might be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
but the thought of you leads me
to temptation
I wrote that about a month before Danny and I started going out. I can remember why I wrote the words to that song and it was only cause he was such an unattainable person. He was someone I was attracted to and shouldn't have been. Around that time he was the guy that I got butterflies in the pit of my stomach whenever he looked at me and he was the person I could sneak a kiss or two with only when everyone else was in a different room. I remember the exact night when I fell in love with him and it was long after my 16th birthday when I accepted a necklace from him and had to lie to my boyfriend about it haha. and long after he would text me and I would tell him I had a boyfriend,sorry, not interested. and after I got bored of my life and just used him as a hook-up and a way to rebel. and pretty long after New Years when we were so drunk and stopped caring and I took him up to my room only to spill wine on the floor, kiss for two seconds, get bored, and go back to the party.I guess he wasnt necessarily a boy I didnt know but when you stop seeing someone at the age of 8 or 9, and see them again when theyre 19, it's like you never knew them at all. So I was attracted to a boy that I didnt know and I didnt know why. That night we talked from 10 pm to 7 am, about almost everything. and I woke up at 8 not feeling tired at all and happier than I had been since one night in february. I dont know what it was but I felt something completely different in me. I didn't know much about him back then and more than a year has gone by since I saw him again for the first time, but only a little more than half a year has gone by since I fell in love with him and barely knew him. and now, I'm the person who knows him better than anyone. The only person with the courage to ask him about his dad and the only person he gathers the courage to talk about it with. I'm the only girl he's ever loved. In 20 years of his life, I'm the only girl he's ever cared about. and I know it. he shows it. And here I am, for the past month and a half I've hated him so much. and blamed him for so many irresponsibilities of mine. but now I feel the way I did that day I fell in love. Like an idiot. Because I love him more than I think I'm capable of but, classic me,I'm wondering if this is how Ive felt before. If before this Ive thought I had never felt this before too, and maybe I just forget. and here I am thinking that by the 8th month Im going to get bored and get over it but hoping with all my heart that myself wont do that to me.
So here's to what I hope is true love.
Here's to it lasting for as long as a love like ours should.
Here's to Paris on December 31st and my first real, sober, New Years Kiss.
cheers