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I went to Nate's around 1. We went upstairs and talked. I told him what I did. He got kind of upset, but he said he knew I'd do it. Then we were okay. Then he read a note I had written him at 2AM. It was a mess of emotions and it was not good. He curled up against my back and got quiet and upset. Then I asked him a few questions. He has been lying
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Jacque and i were going out for the longest time (one day shy of 2 1/2 years) and that all ended because there was a trust that was broken. she had been living a lie all summer. she had been cheating on me and when i ask she got mad and told me that she hasnt and wouldnt cheat on me. this all changed when i talked to someone and they told me dates, times, and what had happened. it hurt more than anything but i still loved her but i wasnt sure why. i knew i would end the relationship but i did not want to do it off of pure impulse. i called her the next day at 4:30 in the morning because i couldnt sleep and i was about to have a panic attack. she got mad but we talked and then i let her go again because she promised to call at about 9. when she called i found out the worst news ever. she did not cheat on me just once. and then i reacted and ended things then and there. but i still loved her. i tried to push her away and throw her out of my life. i try to hate her everyday but i cannot. the pain is always there and it will always be. my heart will never fully heal.
that may sound depressing and i tell you it is. but there is an upside to the whole story. i still love her and i still let her know. she still makes me happy and i make her happy. i see her as much as possible and we still do the cupple stuff without the status. but why? because there is nothing more powerful than the power of love. be upset be angry be depressed, just never let that cover up what you heart is feeling. if i had to share the one thing that i thought i had learned and what i thought was the most important thing to me throughout my whole highschool carreer it would be this...my ex-girlfriend - the one before jacque told me this and i find that it is always true and that it always works - she said this or something like this but you get the idea "ryan if ther is a time where everything goes wrong and you do not know what to do all you have to do is follow your heart because it will never steer you wrong. your heart can never be persuaded or corrupted like your head can be"
you can be a headcase, but one thing i have never heard of is a heartcase.
love nate with everything and let him know it. let him know how upset you are, but i say to you do not act on impulse and do not take time to think things over, but instead take time to listen to your heart.
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and i'm wicked sorry that you're going throught his.
and reading that made me cry, good and bad tears.
thank you so much :)
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