Of Defenses and Change
I almost died today. I worked out and went running this morning. It seems I mostly do this when I need to get out of the house and to get things off of my mind. It was actually kind of refreshing and made me feel pretty good, except when I pushed myself to the limit without a spotter and almost choked myself with the bar because I couldn't lift it anymore (but even that was a sort of terrified rush). I managed to get one side up and slip out from underneath and that's how I'm writing this now. I also realized that I need a punching bag because making holes in the wall isn't such a good idea. It seems we all have things that keeps our minds concentrated on that and off others. For me, it's sports, working out, and working. People say I'm a workaholic, but it's because sometimes I just don't want to come back to real life. Work is like a separate world for me, a complete opposite with no problems or worries. It's refreshing, for a while. But you always have to come back. I don't mean to sound like my life is miserable, there are plenty of great and amazing things in my life, but even everyone needs a break from that every once in a while. I guess most of us are programmed to look at the worst half of things, causing us to make changes to protect ourselves, but then we end up losing some good things too. Defense mechanisms at their best. I determined that there's a way to lose all the bad and keep all the good, but when I think about that, it requires us to all have the same morale judgements and principles, and I just don't think that will happen. Are we doomed to always have to put up with Evil? We're forced to, but I think there's a way. I'll find a way. I'll make a way. Great change requires great sacrifice, right? Viva la vie.