(no subject)
i'm locked out of my room, somehow, considering my door wouldn't even stay closed more or less locked... but i come home and it's locked and no one has the key. so now i have to sleep on the couch. *tear* i want to go in my room. this succcckkks.
i traded clothes with anna today, that was kind of fun. but i felt weird in her clothes. i just feel weird wearing any clothes that aren't my own cuz i have such a distintive style. i felt like i was trying to someone i was not wearing them(i guess i was).
then will came over and we talked for like an hour and a half. it was nice, i don't think we've hung out alone and talked in quite the forever. that made me feel happy.
i have to give my guitar back to the guy who lent it to me. i don't quite know what i think of that. i still think i want to pursue it, but i'm scared of keeping it going cuz the last couple of weeks i haven't been playing it. but it's annoying cuz i've only had a few lessons. so do i buy one? i just don't know.
for some reason death scares me. its been one of those things thats always scared me. i'm just afraid to not be alive. to not feel, to not know, to not be happy, sad, alive. i guess i'm just afraid because i don't know what it's like. and never will until there's probably nothing, but then i'll never know if there's nothing if there is. because i have a hard time believing there is something, but i wish there was. it would feel good to believe.
i'm in this sort of weird mood right now, i guess i want to talk to someone? i want a boyfriend. after not having one for a while i get lonely and bored. i like having one cause then i get excited, otherwise i just kinda bleh month and month. nothing much exciting or to look foward to.
not much has been calling me lately. nothing has stood out. maybe art a little bit. art projects at anna bring me back to my old interest in art, which i still enjoy, but i just don't feel like i have it. i don't have what it takes. i don't do it enough. maybe art class will help this semester some. i want some passion, i don't know what gets me.
when i was sick last week that really sucked. all i thought about was how miserable i was and about me being sick. it was really depressing. it's so nice after getting better from being sick to be normal.
i traded clothes with anna today, that was kind of fun. but i felt weird in her clothes. i just feel weird wearing any clothes that aren't my own cuz i have such a distintive style. i felt like i was trying to someone i was not wearing them(i guess i was).
then will came over and we talked for like an hour and a half. it was nice, i don't think we've hung out alone and talked in quite the forever. that made me feel happy.
i have to give my guitar back to the guy who lent it to me. i don't quite know what i think of that. i still think i want to pursue it, but i'm scared of keeping it going cuz the last couple of weeks i haven't been playing it. but it's annoying cuz i've only had a few lessons. so do i buy one? i just don't know.
for some reason death scares me. its been one of those things thats always scared me. i'm just afraid to not be alive. to not feel, to not know, to not be happy, sad, alive. i guess i'm just afraid because i don't know what it's like. and never will until there's probably nothing, but then i'll never know if there's nothing if there is. because i have a hard time believing there is something, but i wish there was. it would feel good to believe.
i'm in this sort of weird mood right now, i guess i want to talk to someone? i want a boyfriend. after not having one for a while i get lonely and bored. i like having one cause then i get excited, otherwise i just kinda bleh month and month. nothing much exciting or to look foward to.
not much has been calling me lately. nothing has stood out. maybe art a little bit. art projects at anna bring me back to my old interest in art, which i still enjoy, but i just don't feel like i have it. i don't have what it takes. i don't do it enough. maybe art class will help this semester some. i want some passion, i don't know what gets me.
when i was sick last week that really sucked. all i thought about was how miserable i was and about me being sick. it was really depressing. it's so nice after getting better from being sick to be normal.