(no subject)

[yourclementine]

i am so disappointed in myself. i just checked my test grade and i got a really shitty grade on my physics test. which is not the end of the world because a) there is a huge curve in the class and b) grades are not the most important thing in the world. but it's one thing if i do shitty on something i didn't study for, something i didnt know how to do. but that test was so easy. and i studied all night and i woke up at seven this morning to study some more. and to do so bad just makes me wonder what went wrong. it's like i've lost my grip on the world. because if i think i know what's going on and then i find out that i don't, that it's not like i made a couple mistakes, i just obviously didn't understand what was being asked or what to do, if i find this out, then i feel helpless. like i don't have control. god i feel so crappy. i can't believe how much this is affecting me. i don't understand what i am supposed to learn from this. i don't see how i can think i did so good and then finding out i didn't can teach me anything. i dont know what i'm doing anymore. how i went through the entire test, except three problems, and was able to solve it without a thought, how i knew exactly what to do to solve each problem. i feel as if i'm losing my mind. i'm getting slower everyday. i hate feeling so stupid.

it's funny how i almost wrote an entry this morning about how proud i was that i learned all the material. it's as if this morning i had the answer to the puzzle and now i find out that i didn't have shit.