Update of Sorts
So, I am sitting here, at almost 11pm at night, releasing at work instead of STing at the FG because no one else would volunteer to release, and I find myself in reflection of things, both exact and obscure. It is in hindsight the truest wisdom is always seen, and the way is always clearest. I find myself in hindsight this evening.
Until recently, I have had migraines with no help, no hope, and no future of getting better. After my hysterectomy, this came to a head after the first time in years, and I have not been able to resolve it since.
I have been to neurologists, sleep studies, allergists, general practitioners, OBGYN, and psychiatrists.
I have tried medicine, preemptive and reactive, exercise, diet, lifestyle change, and behavioral change.
Now, for the first time since my cancer and hysterectomy, I have hope, and feel hopeful at getting better with these migraines.
After being diagnosed with allergies and sleep apnea, I still had just as many migraines. I didn't understand it.
But, after going to a migraine specialist, I have a course of treatment that is working.
My neck, back, and shoulders are badly damaged/scewed. This has caused a line of spasmed and contracted muscles going from my mid back to my ocipital lobe, and from there, it has caused the trigger point for migraines. I have had steriods shot into my occipital lobe, and am going to acupuncture for physical therapy (for the third week).
This week, I feel better. I am still tired, and there is a lot of work to be done. I still get migraines, usually the day after acupuncture, but they are less severe, and go away easier, usually with some icy hot to my neck.
I think my body was so shell shocked from the hysterectomy, it began this muscle constriction which has only gotten worse with the sort of work I do, and lifestyle/activity.
So, hindsight, I think that my body is still fucked up from the surgery, and still recovering. And now that I know that, I can take steps to help my body heal, and ensure that my healing continues.
They say that the mind, soul, and body are linked. I believe this is true.
I started with Depression flaring up for the first time since postpartum with my second child and estranged marriage with my ex right after the surgery.
In acupuncture, they release toxins into my body that my body has been holding onto and won't let go of. I think maybe this is where some of the Depression has been coming from - chemicals and emotions (positive AND negative) which are not let go or released.
Knowing this, I can begin not only my body's healing, but a spiritual and mind healing as well.
I find myself looking at these things and wondering why I didn't see the connection in my own body.
I find myself looking at these things, and contemplating ways to improve my life. I feel like I have been on autopilot, just pleased to be alive with no expectations, no goals, no desire to sustain me.
That comes to an end.
I am growing in that I think I finally understand that you don't have to be extreme in emotional conviction to be passionate. Passion is a self sustaining flame, and a flame best when held to the candle of motivation and initiative.
I am contemplating goals again. It has been a while.
And, turning the corner, I find, in hindsight how truly blessed I am.
I have those I love, and those that love me.
I have gotten to see places. I have finances and success.
And, in the end, I will have made a difference in the lives that I touched.
So, now, I sit here, releasing at work, and thinking about these things.
I look forward to tomorrow, where I will swim with the kids, and go to my game.
For as simple as that is, it is not boring to me.
Until recently, I have had migraines with no help, no hope, and no future of getting better. After my hysterectomy, this came to a head after the first time in years, and I have not been able to resolve it since.
I have been to neurologists, sleep studies, allergists, general practitioners, OBGYN, and psychiatrists.
I have tried medicine, preemptive and reactive, exercise, diet, lifestyle change, and behavioral change.
Now, for the first time since my cancer and hysterectomy, I have hope, and feel hopeful at getting better with these migraines.
After being diagnosed with allergies and sleep apnea, I still had just as many migraines. I didn't understand it.
But, after going to a migraine specialist, I have a course of treatment that is working.
My neck, back, and shoulders are badly damaged/scewed. This has caused a line of spasmed and contracted muscles going from my mid back to my ocipital lobe, and from there, it has caused the trigger point for migraines. I have had steriods shot into my occipital lobe, and am going to acupuncture for physical therapy (for the third week).
This week, I feel better. I am still tired, and there is a lot of work to be done. I still get migraines, usually the day after acupuncture, but they are less severe, and go away easier, usually with some icy hot to my neck.
I think my body was so shell shocked from the hysterectomy, it began this muscle constriction which has only gotten worse with the sort of work I do, and lifestyle/activity.
So, hindsight, I think that my body is still fucked up from the surgery, and still recovering. And now that I know that, I can take steps to help my body heal, and ensure that my healing continues.
They say that the mind, soul, and body are linked. I believe this is true.
I started with Depression flaring up for the first time since postpartum with my second child and estranged marriage with my ex right after the surgery.
In acupuncture, they release toxins into my body that my body has been holding onto and won't let go of. I think maybe this is where some of the Depression has been coming from - chemicals and emotions (positive AND negative) which are not let go or released.
Knowing this, I can begin not only my body's healing, but a spiritual and mind healing as well.
I find myself looking at these things and wondering why I didn't see the connection in my own body.
I find myself looking at these things, and contemplating ways to improve my life. I feel like I have been on autopilot, just pleased to be alive with no expectations, no goals, no desire to sustain me.
That comes to an end.
I am growing in that I think I finally understand that you don't have to be extreme in emotional conviction to be passionate. Passion is a self sustaining flame, and a flame best when held to the candle of motivation and initiative.
I am contemplating goals again. It has been a while.
And, turning the corner, I find, in hindsight how truly blessed I am.
I have those I love, and those that love me.
I have gotten to see places. I have finances and success.
And, in the end, I will have made a difference in the lives that I touched.
So, now, I sit here, releasing at work, and thinking about these things.
I look forward to tomorrow, where I will swim with the kids, and go to my game.
For as simple as that is, it is not boring to me.