(no subject)
mmm woke up from my pretty sound sleep to grab my computer and write. i always do this though. i want to write something but then the right words dont come out. but more like i always do this... i let someone get really close to being that new someone in my life and then i decide nahhhhhh not for me. i dont think i should have to settle for something less than perfect, but at the same time i think i should be willing to give something new and different a chance. last night i talked with kristen and she always makes me realize i need to open my eyes. im trying to be open and have fun with this but im such a believer in that spark. that excitement you get when they call or text, or just bump into you. i have gotten so used to doing whatever ever i want, and answering to no one, and seeing my friends all the time. i dont know if i want to give that up again. she keeps telling me i dont have to give that up, and i know, but i feel like if i really liked him, i would want to give up some of that time. last night was the first night in a long time i dreamt about you. and i woke up with that feeling in the pit of my stomach that is so familiar, that feeling that i wish you were back. i dont let the past hinder my future anymore, but i think it might be a sign that i need to wait until something feels right, like the way it did with you. waking up thinking of you just got the wheels in my head turning about all the good times. and how i still wish you could see me for the changed person i am. i have let go, my guard is down to someone else now, but i wish i had you there to talk about it.