Oh my my my
I update this so much now. I always have something on my mind, and I always need someone to talk to. And this is the best place to get it all out.
Music is so much to me now. Every song brings me back to some time in my life, and some songs are a part of what I am going through right now. I wonder what people were thinking when they wrote each song, and if the emotions they are writing about compare to what I feel? I could drive and sing in my car forever, its' pretty much what I do these days. My ipod is with my all the time, and I love when I just go out and run and listen to music for hours. I love reading song lyrics. It is fun to me.
Right now I have little faith. Faith in God, faith that he would never give me something I could not handle. I wonder each day I wake up, why do I have to deal with this? What was the point of you making us meet, and us having this great relationship, if it was going to be taken away one day? Why do you have to go through hard times before you can have the good?
I really am not sure that I believe everything in the bible, or more so I know I don't. I was teaching church class last night to these 7th and 8th graders, and we had to write devotionals. We were assigned bible versus and we read them and had to think of the first things that came to mind, but these versus were about the wrath of God, and all the negative he sees in mankind. How do you explain to kids that he is not always happy with you, and that sometimes you mess up? That is probably the first time I read things out of the bible and realized, I don't agree with this. It is such a strange feeling to question your faith. Do you still feel strongly in your faith, do you feel you know exactly what you believe? Do you think everything happens for a reason?
I am still really lonely. I really want a job so I have something to do, new people to meet. I want to move on and close the door.
"Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.
You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray.
And I stood there lovin' you and washed them all away.
And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you."
Music is so much to me now. Every song brings me back to some time in my life, and some songs are a part of what I am going through right now. I wonder what people were thinking when they wrote each song, and if the emotions they are writing about compare to what I feel? I could drive and sing in my car forever, its' pretty much what I do these days. My ipod is with my all the time, and I love when I just go out and run and listen to music for hours. I love reading song lyrics. It is fun to me.
Right now I have little faith. Faith in God, faith that he would never give me something I could not handle. I wonder each day I wake up, why do I have to deal with this? What was the point of you making us meet, and us having this great relationship, if it was going to be taken away one day? Why do you have to go through hard times before you can have the good?
I really am not sure that I believe everything in the bible, or more so I know I don't. I was teaching church class last night to these 7th and 8th graders, and we had to write devotionals. We were assigned bible versus and we read them and had to think of the first things that came to mind, but these versus were about the wrath of God, and all the negative he sees in mankind. How do you explain to kids that he is not always happy with you, and that sometimes you mess up? That is probably the first time I read things out of the bible and realized, I don't agree with this. It is such a strange feeling to question your faith. Do you still feel strongly in your faith, do you feel you know exactly what you believe? Do you think everything happens for a reason?
I am still really lonely. I really want a job so I have something to do, new people to meet. I want to move on and close the door.
"Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.
You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray.
And I stood there lovin' you and washed them all away.
And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you."