(no subject)
So I can breathe again. Ha and I can eat. But that doesn't make it any easier. It is so hard when you walk into class with a smile and say "Hi Katie" and I want nothing more than to walk away and be strong ,but I still melt. When my stomach hurts and you sit there and rub my back and just talk to me like we are still together, I want to just stop myself and remind myself that we are not together, but my heart always stops me from doing that. I don't want to get on aim, hoppelessly hoping you are on, just for a five minute conversation. I want nothing more than to stop crying, and to grow up. I try to stay busy, but busy lasts for about another two weeks, and then I will be alone. It is hard to cope with lonliness because I never knew what it was like, I never knew the feeling of being alone. You are my best friend, my everything, but I can't pick up the phone and just call you because I am scared you won't want to talk. I am scared that you have already moved on, and that I am already a memory. A memory. It is so weird to see that word, and put you and me with it. We had memories, but now I am a memory. I no longer am the girl who gets to be with you on saturday night, or the girl holding your hand in the hall. No longer am I your "babe", I am just Kaitlin. The memories we had I will cherrish forever, but what if I am not ready to let that be enough? What if I still want more. How do I get over someone, who I'm not over? Do i wait for him to come around ,do I move on? Do i pretend I am ok, because I am sick of pretending. I have about one more day of pretend happiness left in me before I break. I sit here crying, and wondering what we could have been, or maybe what we will be. This is supposed to make me stronger, but I only feel weak in the knees.