i hate it here
well, its my third week and i thought by now id be adjusted and ready to take it seriously. but no, im still as homesick as ever and all i can think about is how much i want to go home. i cry everytime i think about it. i miss my family and everything about home, i miss friends, and brandon...my mom says i can go here this semester and then go home, but i just hope i can make it through the semester. i am overwhelmed for reasons i cant explain and i just want this to be over. i dont even care if i have to go to macomb, as long as i dont have to be here. a lot of the time i dont even want to focus on school because i am wishing i could be at my own house, hangin out with all of the people i miss. my mom thinks its all cause of brandon that i wanna come home. shows how much she knows. its everything. maybe im immature, maybe im not ready to be on my own...i dont know and i dont care. but no one else seems to be this depressed about being here, no one else seems to be this homesick and hate it here this much. all i do is sit around and feel sorry that i ever came here. i wanted it to work at first, i dont know if i wanted to be here, but i tried. but i have to ask myself this question: is it worth being sad and upset and crying all the time to be here? no i dont think so. so im gonna go home and be with my family this weekend and me and my mom are gonna talk about my options. it seems like i can never finish anything i start. like im a huge failure. it always seems easier to me to give up than to try. but why should i try if i know in my heart that this wont work? i hate it here, and i look around me and no one else is like this. sure, here and there people will get hit with being homesick or get teary eyed...but i am miserable, i cry myself to sleep almost every night and wish that i could be at home. now dont get me wrong, i want my education more than anything...i just dont want it here. well, im gonna go...talk to you all later