Chapter 17 of Swimming Upstream
This is a multi-part story featuring the pairing of Sean/Viggo with multiple OTC’s and other actors. It is set in near future RL. Absolutely none of this is true nor intended for profit or harm.
Rating: Very adult (NC-17) for the most part so beware if you don’t like slash or porn
Chapter 17: Bullpen
Pairing: Viggo/Sean
Summary: Viggo gets a script written by someone from his childhood that brings back a few memories and sets a course of action in place.
This chapter - Sean arrives home and the boys have a heart-to-heart, Only one more chapter to go, wheeee!
Huge, ginormous thanks to my beta, the amazing and talented Jess aka darknight999
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16
From his chair, Viggo watched as Sean wearily let himself into the condo he rented. He dropped his kit at the door and threw himself down on the couch, pulling a pillow down to cover his face.
“So I guess that means it’s all true.”
Yelling, Sean lurched up at the sound of Viggo’s voice. The pillow went flying in reaction. “FUCK! You scared the shite out of me!” Sean bellowed.
Viggo guessed Sean’s bark was mostly embarrassment at being scared but he had no sympathy. “Tough shit.” He threw the pillow back at Sean fairly hard, surprising him once again.
Cautiously, Sean stared at him. “Viggo? What’s going on?”
“That’s what I want to know.” Viggo growled back at him, moving closer.
Sean watched him for a long moment then whispered. “You heard the rumors?”
“And which rumor is that - the one where I leave your room after being fucked or the one where you’re getting fired? No, I didn’t hear the rumors… I got told them by Maria who had assumed that my fucking boyfriend would have told me himself. Which is a pretty fucking huge assumption considering you hadn’t told me shit!” Viggo was shouting by the end.
Shaking his head, Sean held up one hand. “C’mere Viggo.”
“Just tell me, goddamn it!”
“Get your skinny arse over here and I will!” Sean’s apology wasn’t evident as he growled out the demand.
Pissed off, Viggo pounded the arm of the chair but finally moved over to the couch, deliberately sitting at the farthest end from Sean.
“Christ, don’t pout.” Sean moved closer. “I know you’re mad and you have a right to be. Just let me talk for a bit.”
“I AM NOT POUTING!” Viggo yelled, then growled when he saw the smile that teased at the edge of Sean’s lips. Frustrated, he sat back and looked away, not wanting to lose his temper even worse.
He felt Sean’s fingers curl through his hair and had to fight the urge to lean into them. “Viggo… bloody hell I did not want to hurt you or let you be in the dark.” Sean’s voice was soft as he slipped nearer until Viggo could feel his leg pressing close and could sense the enticing heat of his body.
“I did lie to you. I wasn’t sick this weekend. I needed to think about the situation.”
Stung, Viggo turned to him. “By yourself?! I thought we were together - you came back and we were together.” He turned away from Sean again, murmuring. “Maybe that was the lie.”
Sean’s warm hand wrapped around the back of Viggo’s neck and squeezed softly. “No, that wasn’t the lie and you bloody well know it! I needed to think about losing this job, being publicly outed, and the consequences. I needed to think about it Viggo… and I needed to do it alone.”
Viggo couldn’t help the gasp of pain Sean’s words created. He wanted to get up and leave, not listen to this anymore, but Sean’s hand was holding him down. “There’s more Viggo. Hear me out, please luv.”
He couldn’t answer but Viggo waited, still not looking at Sean.
“You see I thought I could have it all - I could have you - we’d avoid the paparazzi - Hollywood veterans might assume the truth but they’d hide it and play along like they do for all the young actors - and I could have my career. But not just my career - my privacy. No press running bloody stories about me every five seconds. Nothing would really change in my public life. I could attend a Blades game and nobody would be sitting in the stands thinking ‘well there sits the poufter we used to like’. My girls wouldn’t have other kids taunting them about their dad.”
Viggo stared at Sean seeing the grief and apology in his eyes. “Oh Sean.”
With a sad smile, Sean shook his head. “Yeh, oh Sean. Sean the bloody git. Life don’t work that way and I’m old enough to know better. See, for long periods of time, I just didn’t let myself think about it… about what the most likely outcomes would be. Oh sure, I was worried about your career but I neglected to really think about how I’m gonna deal with me own.” Sean moved his hand to brush along the top of Viggo’s hand until Viggo turned his palm so their fingers could lock together.
“So when the studio put the hammer down, I thought ‘okay Sean lad put your thinking cap on and figure your way out of this one’.” Sean lifted Viggo’s hand and kissed it. “But there ain’t no escapin’ it. Not really. We might hide from the photogs this go-round but not the next or the next. And god knows there are too many bellhops willing to sell their soul to report the goss. The tabbies will speculate on everything in our lives - my life - when this goes down. You know exactly how much I hated that during my divorces.”
Viggo shook his head slowly. “I remember how much you hated it - hate the thought of going through that again.” He looked down at their hands. “Avoid the press at all costs… or close to it.”
He could hear the agreement and resignation in Sean’s voice. “Yeh, I forced us to split before as a way to put off this problem. Now it’s just feels naïve to believe someone somewhere wouldn’t be ready and waiting to report on seeing us together again. Annie’s notes on her ‘sources’ scares the shite out of me.”
Nodding along, Viggo just sat feeling helpless and depressed. He had no solutions, nothing to offer.
“It’s just a matter of time with really the only question of how it happens….” Viggo glanced over to see Sean shrug and grimace as he again thought through the inevitable.
The ensuing silence dragged into endless minutes. Separating his fingers from Sean’s, Viggo stood up and moved to poke again at the files merely for the sake of doing something. There were no answers here only choices and sacrifices.
“Did you know Lynn was collecting all that?”
Viggo shook his head negatively as he stared at the files. He could tell Sean wanted him to say something but he had no idea what to say - this was it for them - and no way in hell was he going to suggest the obvious.
“Vig?” Sean’s voice was so hesitant that Viggo had to reach out to hold onto the table.
His voice rough, Viggo whispered. “I never did think it through though.” He looked at Sean regretfully. “Before you - every time I thought about how I’d deal with the ‘public’ finding out that I’m bi and deciding they didn’t like it, I’d think about my options for income and how to protect Henry. But I never really thought about the outcome for my partner - not really.”
Sean’s nod of understanding did nothing to relieve Viggo, in fact it made him feel worse. “Maybe because most of them wouldn’t care bugger about somebody finding out?”
He had to turn away again at Sean’s sweet attempt at lightening the mood. Looking down at his hands, Viggo knew what he had to say but couldn’t find the courage yet. He shifted away as Sean came closer, not wanting to be touched.
“I know you’re pissed I didn’t bring you into this earlier… Vig? Tell me you understand.”
The sadness overwhelmed him for a moment. His voice gruff, Viggo offered. “I was… you… didn’t want to tell me… til later?”
“No, no, not that really.” Sean’s voice was rushed, trying to explain. “I knew if we tried to work through this together, I’d never know if I had made the decision on my own or simply gone along with you. You can be most convincing… and damn distracting.”
Viggo flinched at the attempt at humor even though he knew why Sean did it. He waited for Sean to tell him what he’d decided. Decided! Without me, without me…
He could feel Sean looking at him but couldn’t bear to look up and see the resignation in those glass green eyes. When Sean started talking again, Viggo strained to hear him.
“…so I know I’ve been a lousy boyfriend this week, holing away here, but… well, you see I just kept thinking…“ his voice broke for a moment. “I needed to see just how much I was willing to sacrifice for you - for this thing we have.” Viggo’s head bowed under the weight of Sean’s words; some of his deepest fears rising like bile in the back of this throat. “I knew I loved you and you me. But neither of us have very good tracks records on that front.” Sean’s laugh was bitter and the fire burned harder in Viggo’s heart.
Sean’s voice sounded so tired, so weary. “I’m just no bloody good at relationships. Always bugger ‘em up.” Again, his laughter was harsh. “Can’t you just see it? After burying my career in the dumpbin, I end up with nothing to show for it but regrets.”
Viggo shook his head back and forth, not wanting to hear anymore. He willed his legs to move, to walk away. But instead he had to listen as Sean mused on.
“Yeh, so really it all comes down to hope. And isn’t that a pisser - like the bloody tagline from our movie.” Sean’s voice grew softer. “And like ol’ Samwise, I have to chose hope. Hope that we can improve our individual track records. That this time around, it will be forever.”
Disbelieving, Viggo stood stunned, unable to wrap his mind around Sean’s last statement. It took the heat of his body as Sean’s arms pulled him in close for the thaw to set in. “Viggo?”
Pushing Sean away, Viggo moved farther away to sit on the couch. “Don’t…” He held a hand up to stall Sean.
“Fuck it, don’t shut me out after I just spilled me guts to you!”
“Just… give me a second here. Just…” Viggo pulled his legs up tight, the closeness comforting him.
He could feel Sean hovering, could hear his breath, practically feel his heart pounding. Viggo shook his head, whispering to himself. “I’m not strong enough…”
“Yes you are! Viggo, don’t say that, don’t say that…”
Shaking his head more, Viggo closed his eyes so he could focus. “Not strong enough to do the smart thing.” He felt Sean sit down, heard the agony in his voice. “Don’t turn away from me! Don’t you do it Viggo! We can do this. We can.”
“No… not that.” Viggo looked up to see Sean’s anguished face. “Not strong to walk away from you.” He watched as Sean blinked in relief. “I let you leave me before. But it wasn’t like with Jens where I had no control - this time, this time I could talk with you, knew where you where, how you were.”
“I shouldn’t have left you. I got scared Vig.”
“I know Sean. I hoped you’d come back. Buried myself in projects and work so I wouldn’t let myself worry you wouldn’t. And you did…”
“Aye I did. And now I’m not leaving, not leaving you Viggo.”
“You should… it would be smarter than staying. Safer.” Viggo watched Sean with burning eyes. His voice tore as he whispered. “But I’m not strong enough this time to let you go. I can’t Sean. I can’t. I wish I was stronger, wish I could let you protect yourself but I can’t…
“I don’t want you to! We’re together now, nobody’s leaving this time.” Sean made a move to grab him but Viggo held him off.
“I never looked.”
“What Vig? Looked where luv?”
“When I left the hotel room, I didn’t look. Didn’t think. The phone just kept ringing and ringing…Just wanted to make it stop and I put on my clothes…then I walked out and I didn’t look. Just didn’t…”
“Ah fuck it!” Sean swooped and grabbed him so hard that Viggo lost his breath. He buried his face against Sean’s skin only to find wetness. “Sssh. Don’t luv. Viggo. I know you didn’t mean us to be found out this way. Christ, don’t blame yourself! It could’ve easily been me. Just as easily me walking to your room in only my tracksuit pants. Using your key to go inside with only one thing on my mind that anyone looking at my face would’ve figured out. Viggo, it’s not your fault.”
Viggo held on tighter, almost shocked to find the wetness was coming from his own eyes. “I’m crying?”
Sean’s startled laugh turned into a full throttled roar as he rolled them flat out onto the couch. When he could finally speak, he rasped out. “Yes, you are, luv. And I want you to stop it now.”
Viggo reached out to trace the lines of Sean’s face, feeling the stubble and hard won grooves that time had worn in. “I’m sorry you’re going to lose this job and maybe more. Sorry that people will be assholes and treat you differently. That we’ll have to fight every day to get an ounce of privacy…. But I’m not sorry you’re taking this chance with me. Never gonna be sorry about that. You’re stuck with me.”
Sean’s smile felt good under his fingers. “Well maybe since we can stand each other even when we’re being total pillocks, this will work out.” Viggo hiccupped a laugh. He brushed his fingers over Sean’s lips again.
“I’m sorry that I lied to you about the trip to Palm Springs and being sick.”
Knowing he needed to say it, Viggo gently told him. “That hurt Sean. You knew I didn’t follow the gossip and I’d never know what was going if I hadn't heard it from Maria.”
Remorse filled Sean’s eyes as he nodded. “I know luv. Didn’t have to fake feeling sick when I talked to you.” He brushed a tear away with a knuckle. “I knew you’d want to discuss ideas and options and I needed to figure out where my head was before that. I’m not saying it’s right, and I knew you’d be hurt when we did finally discuss it. Seemed like an ordeal I had to put us through though.”
“We’re gonna have problems with that you know? Both of us have the habit of going off to lick our wounds and navel gaze.”
“You told me all your solo trips were fishing related!?” Sean’s tease was quickly followed by an apologetic lick. Tilting into it, Viggo let Sean’s caress sooth him. “I promise next time I let you know I’m going off for a think if you’ll do the same Vig?”
Nestling against him, Viggo murmured his agreement, knowing that they were going to have lots of issues if they started truly living together. The thought shocked him for a moment and he looked up stunned. “Holy shit! We, I mean I think, you, umm, so then we’re livingtogetherforreal?”
A bit stunned himself, Sean looked down, then nodded slowly. “Yeh, I guess that means we are…we are going to…we’re living together.”
Viggo snickered at their mutual reality check. until Sean tugged his hair in jest. “You joke now boyfriend, wait ‘til you have to move some of your shite to make way for mine!”
“Boyfriend? Hmm, aren’t we a little old for that?” The twinkle in Sean’s eyes inspired him. “Significant Other sounds a kinda constipated though.”
“Blech. Too stuffy.” Sean’s mock grimace drew Viggo’s laughter.
“Hmm, luv-ver?” He singsonged. “Fucktoy is too impersonal - we shouldn’t dehumanize ourselves. Stud? Sex slave? Lovemuffin? Ack---!” Sean’s fingers found a ticklish spot and Viggo sputtered into giggles brought on more by the enormous release of tension than anything.
When he finally stopped, Sean was smiling at him softly which brought the quick sting of tears again to Viggo’s eyes. Sean didn’t miss them and immediately leaned over to lick them away all the while muttering. “Nutter. My own nutter.”
Burrowing into him, Viggo once again let Sean tend to him, little licks along his ear, tender nuzzles that loosened his muscles until he was pliant and almost sleepy in Sean’s arms.
“Promise me this Vig.”
“Anything you want Sean.”
“We never talk about us to outsiders. No interviews when the storm breaks, no press, no statements, nothing. Photos and claims make the news, we don’t even issue a response. Lynn and Annie can just say they don’t discuss our personal lives. And we ask the same of our friends.”
Agreeing but confused, Viggo asked. “Why friends?”
“Because too many of them do their own press and we both know how innocent comments get twisted.”
“Sean.” Viggo gently combed through Sean’s hair, smoothing it. “Our friends are going to have opinions that they have a right to express.”
Frowning a bit, Sean nodded. “Alright, so we can’t ask ‘em to not say anything. We just ask ‘em to help us in doing things our way.” Viggo smirked at him, knowing they couldn’t control this. “I’m not saying we muzzle ‘em!” They both snorted at the image.
“Yeah, okay we can ask them to not discuss us to the press and so on. And let’s agree to not involve them in our fights which you KNOW we are going to have.”
“Aye, agreed. Leave kids out of fights too.” Viggo brushed a gentle hand down Sean’s back knowing the reason he brought that up.
Sean suddenly beamed down at him. “Hey Vig?”
“Yeh Sean?”
“We’re living together.” His pleased announcement was followed by another blinding grin.
Giggling again, Viggo pulled him closer. “Yeh Sean… not letting you go this time.”
(Just one more chapter to go! Thanks for hanging in there!)
Rating: Very adult (NC-17) for the most part so beware if you don’t like slash or porn
Chapter 17: Bullpen
Pairing: Viggo/Sean
Summary: Viggo gets a script written by someone from his childhood that brings back a few memories and sets a course of action in place.
This chapter - Sean arrives home and the boys have a heart-to-heart, Only one more chapter to go, wheeee!
Huge, ginormous thanks to my beta, the amazing and talented Jess aka darknight999
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16
From his chair, Viggo watched as Sean wearily let himself into the condo he rented. He dropped his kit at the door and threw himself down on the couch, pulling a pillow down to cover his face.
“So I guess that means it’s all true.”
Yelling, Sean lurched up at the sound of Viggo’s voice. The pillow went flying in reaction. “FUCK! You scared the shite out of me!” Sean bellowed.
Viggo guessed Sean’s bark was mostly embarrassment at being scared but he had no sympathy. “Tough shit.” He threw the pillow back at Sean fairly hard, surprising him once again.
Cautiously, Sean stared at him. “Viggo? What’s going on?”
“That’s what I want to know.” Viggo growled back at him, moving closer.
Sean watched him for a long moment then whispered. “You heard the rumors?”
“And which rumor is that - the one where I leave your room after being fucked or the one where you’re getting fired? No, I didn’t hear the rumors… I got told them by Maria who had assumed that my fucking boyfriend would have told me himself. Which is a pretty fucking huge assumption considering you hadn’t told me shit!” Viggo was shouting by the end.
Shaking his head, Sean held up one hand. “C’mere Viggo.”
“Just tell me, goddamn it!”
“Get your skinny arse over here and I will!” Sean’s apology wasn’t evident as he growled out the demand.
Pissed off, Viggo pounded the arm of the chair but finally moved over to the couch, deliberately sitting at the farthest end from Sean.
“Christ, don’t pout.” Sean moved closer. “I know you’re mad and you have a right to be. Just let me talk for a bit.”
“I AM NOT POUTING!” Viggo yelled, then growled when he saw the smile that teased at the edge of Sean’s lips. Frustrated, he sat back and looked away, not wanting to lose his temper even worse.
He felt Sean’s fingers curl through his hair and had to fight the urge to lean into them. “Viggo… bloody hell I did not want to hurt you or let you be in the dark.” Sean’s voice was soft as he slipped nearer until Viggo could feel his leg pressing close and could sense the enticing heat of his body.
“I did lie to you. I wasn’t sick this weekend. I needed to think about the situation.”
Stung, Viggo turned to him. “By yourself?! I thought we were together - you came back and we were together.” He turned away from Sean again, murmuring. “Maybe that was the lie.”
Sean’s warm hand wrapped around the back of Viggo’s neck and squeezed softly. “No, that wasn’t the lie and you bloody well know it! I needed to think about losing this job, being publicly outed, and the consequences. I needed to think about it Viggo… and I needed to do it alone.”
Viggo couldn’t help the gasp of pain Sean’s words created. He wanted to get up and leave, not listen to this anymore, but Sean’s hand was holding him down. “There’s more Viggo. Hear me out, please luv.”
He couldn’t answer but Viggo waited, still not looking at Sean.
“You see I thought I could have it all - I could have you - we’d avoid the paparazzi - Hollywood veterans might assume the truth but they’d hide it and play along like they do for all the young actors - and I could have my career. But not just my career - my privacy. No press running bloody stories about me every five seconds. Nothing would really change in my public life. I could attend a Blades game and nobody would be sitting in the stands thinking ‘well there sits the poufter we used to like’. My girls wouldn’t have other kids taunting them about their dad.”
Viggo stared at Sean seeing the grief and apology in his eyes. “Oh Sean.”
With a sad smile, Sean shook his head. “Yeh, oh Sean. Sean the bloody git. Life don’t work that way and I’m old enough to know better. See, for long periods of time, I just didn’t let myself think about it… about what the most likely outcomes would be. Oh sure, I was worried about your career but I neglected to really think about how I’m gonna deal with me own.” Sean moved his hand to brush along the top of Viggo’s hand until Viggo turned his palm so their fingers could lock together.
“So when the studio put the hammer down, I thought ‘okay Sean lad put your thinking cap on and figure your way out of this one’.” Sean lifted Viggo’s hand and kissed it. “But there ain’t no escapin’ it. Not really. We might hide from the photogs this go-round but not the next or the next. And god knows there are too many bellhops willing to sell their soul to report the goss. The tabbies will speculate on everything in our lives - my life - when this goes down. You know exactly how much I hated that during my divorces.”
Viggo shook his head slowly. “I remember how much you hated it - hate the thought of going through that again.” He looked down at their hands. “Avoid the press at all costs… or close to it.”
He could hear the agreement and resignation in Sean’s voice. “Yeh, I forced us to split before as a way to put off this problem. Now it’s just feels naïve to believe someone somewhere wouldn’t be ready and waiting to report on seeing us together again. Annie’s notes on her ‘sources’ scares the shite out of me.”
Nodding along, Viggo just sat feeling helpless and depressed. He had no solutions, nothing to offer.
“It’s just a matter of time with really the only question of how it happens….” Viggo glanced over to see Sean shrug and grimace as he again thought through the inevitable.
The ensuing silence dragged into endless minutes. Separating his fingers from Sean’s, Viggo stood up and moved to poke again at the files merely for the sake of doing something. There were no answers here only choices and sacrifices.
“Did you know Lynn was collecting all that?”
Viggo shook his head negatively as he stared at the files. He could tell Sean wanted him to say something but he had no idea what to say - this was it for them - and no way in hell was he going to suggest the obvious.
“Vig?” Sean’s voice was so hesitant that Viggo had to reach out to hold onto the table.
His voice rough, Viggo whispered. “I never did think it through though.” He looked at Sean regretfully. “Before you - every time I thought about how I’d deal with the ‘public’ finding out that I’m bi and deciding they didn’t like it, I’d think about my options for income and how to protect Henry. But I never really thought about the outcome for my partner - not really.”
Sean’s nod of understanding did nothing to relieve Viggo, in fact it made him feel worse. “Maybe because most of them wouldn’t care bugger about somebody finding out?”
He had to turn away again at Sean’s sweet attempt at lightening the mood. Looking down at his hands, Viggo knew what he had to say but couldn’t find the courage yet. He shifted away as Sean came closer, not wanting to be touched.
“I know you’re pissed I didn’t bring you into this earlier… Vig? Tell me you understand.”
The sadness overwhelmed him for a moment. His voice gruff, Viggo offered. “I was… you… didn’t want to tell me… til later?”
“No, no, not that really.” Sean’s voice was rushed, trying to explain. “I knew if we tried to work through this together, I’d never know if I had made the decision on my own or simply gone along with you. You can be most convincing… and damn distracting.”
Viggo flinched at the attempt at humor even though he knew why Sean did it. He waited for Sean to tell him what he’d decided. Decided! Without me, without me…
He could feel Sean looking at him but couldn’t bear to look up and see the resignation in those glass green eyes. When Sean started talking again, Viggo strained to hear him.
“…so I know I’ve been a lousy boyfriend this week, holing away here, but… well, you see I just kept thinking…“ his voice broke for a moment. “I needed to see just how much I was willing to sacrifice for you - for this thing we have.” Viggo’s head bowed under the weight of Sean’s words; some of his deepest fears rising like bile in the back of this throat. “I knew I loved you and you me. But neither of us have very good tracks records on that front.” Sean’s laugh was bitter and the fire burned harder in Viggo’s heart.
Sean’s voice sounded so tired, so weary. “I’m just no bloody good at relationships. Always bugger ‘em up.” Again, his laughter was harsh. “Can’t you just see it? After burying my career in the dumpbin, I end up with nothing to show for it but regrets.”
Viggo shook his head back and forth, not wanting to hear anymore. He willed his legs to move, to walk away. But instead he had to listen as Sean mused on.
“Yeh, so really it all comes down to hope. And isn’t that a pisser - like the bloody tagline from our movie.” Sean’s voice grew softer. “And like ol’ Samwise, I have to chose hope. Hope that we can improve our individual track records. That this time around, it will be forever.”
Disbelieving, Viggo stood stunned, unable to wrap his mind around Sean’s last statement. It took the heat of his body as Sean’s arms pulled him in close for the thaw to set in. “Viggo?”
Pushing Sean away, Viggo moved farther away to sit on the couch. “Don’t…” He held a hand up to stall Sean.
“Fuck it, don’t shut me out after I just spilled me guts to you!”
“Just… give me a second here. Just…” Viggo pulled his legs up tight, the closeness comforting him.
He could feel Sean hovering, could hear his breath, practically feel his heart pounding. Viggo shook his head, whispering to himself. “I’m not strong enough…”
“Yes you are! Viggo, don’t say that, don’t say that…”
Shaking his head more, Viggo closed his eyes so he could focus. “Not strong enough to do the smart thing.” He felt Sean sit down, heard the agony in his voice. “Don’t turn away from me! Don’t you do it Viggo! We can do this. We can.”
“No… not that.” Viggo looked up to see Sean’s anguished face. “Not strong to walk away from you.” He watched as Sean blinked in relief. “I let you leave me before. But it wasn’t like with Jens where I had no control - this time, this time I could talk with you, knew where you where, how you were.”
“I shouldn’t have left you. I got scared Vig.”
“I know Sean. I hoped you’d come back. Buried myself in projects and work so I wouldn’t let myself worry you wouldn’t. And you did…”
“Aye I did. And now I’m not leaving, not leaving you Viggo.”
“You should… it would be smarter than staying. Safer.” Viggo watched Sean with burning eyes. His voice tore as he whispered. “But I’m not strong enough this time to let you go. I can’t Sean. I can’t. I wish I was stronger, wish I could let you protect yourself but I can’t…
“I don’t want you to! We’re together now, nobody’s leaving this time.” Sean made a move to grab him but Viggo held him off.
“I never looked.”
“What Vig? Looked where luv?”
“When I left the hotel room, I didn’t look. Didn’t think. The phone just kept ringing and ringing…Just wanted to make it stop and I put on my clothes…then I walked out and I didn’t look. Just didn’t…”
“Ah fuck it!” Sean swooped and grabbed him so hard that Viggo lost his breath. He buried his face against Sean’s skin only to find wetness. “Sssh. Don’t luv. Viggo. I know you didn’t mean us to be found out this way. Christ, don’t blame yourself! It could’ve easily been me. Just as easily me walking to your room in only my tracksuit pants. Using your key to go inside with only one thing on my mind that anyone looking at my face would’ve figured out. Viggo, it’s not your fault.”
Viggo held on tighter, almost shocked to find the wetness was coming from his own eyes. “I’m crying?”
Sean’s startled laugh turned into a full throttled roar as he rolled them flat out onto the couch. When he could finally speak, he rasped out. “Yes, you are, luv. And I want you to stop it now.”
Viggo reached out to trace the lines of Sean’s face, feeling the stubble and hard won grooves that time had worn in. “I’m sorry you’re going to lose this job and maybe more. Sorry that people will be assholes and treat you differently. That we’ll have to fight every day to get an ounce of privacy…. But I’m not sorry you’re taking this chance with me. Never gonna be sorry about that. You’re stuck with me.”
Sean’s smile felt good under his fingers. “Well maybe since we can stand each other even when we’re being total pillocks, this will work out.” Viggo hiccupped a laugh. He brushed his fingers over Sean’s lips again.
“I’m sorry that I lied to you about the trip to Palm Springs and being sick.”
Knowing he needed to say it, Viggo gently told him. “That hurt Sean. You knew I didn’t follow the gossip and I’d never know what was going if I hadn't heard it from Maria.”
Remorse filled Sean’s eyes as he nodded. “I know luv. Didn’t have to fake feeling sick when I talked to you.” He brushed a tear away with a knuckle. “I knew you’d want to discuss ideas and options and I needed to figure out where my head was before that. I’m not saying it’s right, and I knew you’d be hurt when we did finally discuss it. Seemed like an ordeal I had to put us through though.”
“We’re gonna have problems with that you know? Both of us have the habit of going off to lick our wounds and navel gaze.”
“You told me all your solo trips were fishing related!?” Sean’s tease was quickly followed by an apologetic lick. Tilting into it, Viggo let Sean’s caress sooth him. “I promise next time I let you know I’m going off for a think if you’ll do the same Vig?”
Nestling against him, Viggo murmured his agreement, knowing that they were going to have lots of issues if they started truly living together. The thought shocked him for a moment and he looked up stunned. “Holy shit! We, I mean I think, you, umm, so then we’re livingtogetherforreal?”
A bit stunned himself, Sean looked down, then nodded slowly. “Yeh, I guess that means we are…we are going to…we’re living together.”
Viggo snickered at their mutual reality check. until Sean tugged his hair in jest. “You joke now boyfriend, wait ‘til you have to move some of your shite to make way for mine!”
“Boyfriend? Hmm, aren’t we a little old for that?” The twinkle in Sean’s eyes inspired him. “Significant Other sounds a kinda constipated though.”
“Blech. Too stuffy.” Sean’s mock grimace drew Viggo’s laughter.
“Hmm, luv-ver?” He singsonged. “Fucktoy is too impersonal - we shouldn’t dehumanize ourselves. Stud? Sex slave? Lovemuffin? Ack---!” Sean’s fingers found a ticklish spot and Viggo sputtered into giggles brought on more by the enormous release of tension than anything.
When he finally stopped, Sean was smiling at him softly which brought the quick sting of tears again to Viggo’s eyes. Sean didn’t miss them and immediately leaned over to lick them away all the while muttering. “Nutter. My own nutter.”
Burrowing into him, Viggo once again let Sean tend to him, little licks along his ear, tender nuzzles that loosened his muscles until he was pliant and almost sleepy in Sean’s arms.
“Promise me this Vig.”
“Anything you want Sean.”
“We never talk about us to outsiders. No interviews when the storm breaks, no press, no statements, nothing. Photos and claims make the news, we don’t even issue a response. Lynn and Annie can just say they don’t discuss our personal lives. And we ask the same of our friends.”
Agreeing but confused, Viggo asked. “Why friends?”
“Because too many of them do their own press and we both know how innocent comments get twisted.”
“Sean.” Viggo gently combed through Sean’s hair, smoothing it. “Our friends are going to have opinions that they have a right to express.”
Frowning a bit, Sean nodded. “Alright, so we can’t ask ‘em to not say anything. We just ask ‘em to help us in doing things our way.” Viggo smirked at him, knowing they couldn’t control this. “I’m not saying we muzzle ‘em!” They both snorted at the image.
“Yeah, okay we can ask them to not discuss us to the press and so on. And let’s agree to not involve them in our fights which you KNOW we are going to have.”
“Aye, agreed. Leave kids out of fights too.” Viggo brushed a gentle hand down Sean’s back knowing the reason he brought that up.
Sean suddenly beamed down at him. “Hey Vig?”
“Yeh Sean?”
“We’re living together.” His pleased announcement was followed by another blinding grin.
Giggling again, Viggo pulled him closer. “Yeh Sean… not letting you go this time.”
(Just one more chapter to go! Thanks for hanging in there!)