(no subject)
So... I told my therapist that I didn't think it was working out between us. Nothing personal towards her, she just really didn't get it at all. I was all worried that she'd take it the wrong way, but it was all good. She referred me to someone who specialized in BPD. Her name is Luanne and my first appt. with her is Aug. 13. I'm really excited about it. Hopefully she will REALLY help me.
I met with the psychologist who did that test the other day and she gave me the results. She said I definitely have BPD tendencies but also traits of other personality disorders. She said that although it's very possible, they don't like to slap a label on their patients that quickly.
I talked with her for over an hour. She had to kick me out of her office. She had me pegged. She knew what was going on in my brain, which was amazing. No one really understands me. She said that the first thing I need to work on with the new therapist is my trust issues. She said that those first came about when I was little. When my mom and step-dad brainwashed me into thinking that my bio dad was a piece of shit and harmful to me. She said that it taught me to doubt everything.
My mom said that my dad was worthless and didn't love me.
I felt good when I was with my dad. I felt like he loved me.
My mom was an authority figure, so I trusted her.
Even though I felt like my dad was a good person, I couldn't believe it because my mom (someone who I depended on) said otherwise.
Fast forward to now...
Michael is a good person. He makes me feel good. He's never done anything to make me not trust him.
I don't trust him though. Because of what my mom did, it is ingrained in me that I can't trust what makes me feel good.
I hope that made sense. I don't really know how to explain it.
For you all who don't know what BPD is... here's a video I found on YouTube that explains it all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6-lWmFAb7Y&feature=related
I met with the psychologist who did that test the other day and she gave me the results. She said I definitely have BPD tendencies but also traits of other personality disorders. She said that although it's very possible, they don't like to slap a label on their patients that quickly.
I talked with her for over an hour. She had to kick me out of her office. She had me pegged. She knew what was going on in my brain, which was amazing. No one really understands me. She said that the first thing I need to work on with the new therapist is my trust issues. She said that those first came about when I was little. When my mom and step-dad brainwashed me into thinking that my bio dad was a piece of shit and harmful to me. She said that it taught me to doubt everything.
My mom said that my dad was worthless and didn't love me.
I felt good when I was with my dad. I felt like he loved me.
My mom was an authority figure, so I trusted her.
Even though I felt like my dad was a good person, I couldn't believe it because my mom (someone who I depended on) said otherwise.
Fast forward to now...
Michael is a good person. He makes me feel good. He's never done anything to make me not trust him.
I don't trust him though. Because of what my mom did, it is ingrained in me that I can't trust what makes me feel good.
I hope that made sense. I don't really know how to explain it.
For you all who don't know what BPD is... here's a video I found on YouTube that explains it all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6-lWmFAb7Y&feature=related