Regrets 3/3
Title: Regrets 3/3
Genre: Modern day
Characters & Pairings: Arthur/Merlin is hinted at in the past.
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: Death.
Summary: Modern day at the University of the dragon. Arthur remembers all the thing that lead to this choice.
Disclaimer: I don’t own BBC’s Merlin.
Notes: If I have got ANYTHING wrong PLEASE tell me and I will fix it!!
Regrets 3/3
Kill me,
Jump Me,
End my life like I care,
Take this gun and shoot me,
Don’t look,
Don’t Stop,
Just murder me,
Just end my life tonight,
As I no longer care,
Or dare to speak of his name,
Or cry out his name in vein,
Murder me,
Murder me here,
Just end it now,
End my suffering,
Make it go away,
Just help me from feeling this rage inside of me bursting to get out,
Please kill me here,
Take this knife and murder me.
Jennifer Rondeau.
It's just darkness now, no memories, nothing but the sound of my breath.
Its cold - am I in hell? I deserve to be in hell, it was all my fault.
I hear a voice in the distance; it's Morgana's voice whispering my name. Why should I live when you are gone?
Because you must, a little voice in my head says.
Great, I'm hearing voices.
Morgana sounds so sad, what is she saying?
It doesn't matter; I know more memories are coming.
The problem is, I don't know which memories but at least I'll see you again...
Here come the memories......
FLASHBACK
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I still remember the sound of the coffin touching the ground - apart
from the priest only sobbing filled the air.
I knew everybody there. Morgana was there, so was Gwen, Gaius, your mother, Nimueh and myself.
Nobody had dry eyes, then Nimueh a poem that went like this:
“Even though,
we’re far apart,
you’ll always be,
in our heart.
He loved you then,
we love you now.
Kept from your life,
we don’t know how.
Perhaps one day,
a chance we’ll be given,
until that time,
You’ll be missed where we’re liven.
We’ll hope for the best,
But expect the worst,
That you’ll change your mind,
For this we’ll thirst.
Whether you do or don’t,We may never know,
But never forget,We still love you so.” On the last line she fell to the ground sobbing. She fell to her knees, the rain poring down onto her, making her long brown hair stick to her skin like a second layer of skin. She looked so fragile - yet she did not look sixteen, she looked anything
I was glad it was raining - it had formed the biggest rainbow I had ever seen, it was straight over your dark brown coffin.
Your mother was the first to throw a fistful of earth onto your grave, then Nimueh, Gwen and Morgana threw two red roses onto your grave. I threw a fistful of earth as well.
Just as I did so it hit me - you were gone because of me. It was my fault that you lay lifeless in that cold, wooden coffin.
You had your whole future ahead of you and just because I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger didn’t mean it wasn’t my fault you were dead.
Back to the present ------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My eyes flicker open - there’s something bright that hurts my eyes.
“He’s awake.” An unfamiliar voice says, I see Morgana and Gwen rushing to my side, no sign of father. Even after all these years I hoped he would see sense. Never mind.
“Why did you do it?” Morgana asks, I don’t need to answer, we all know why.
Because I feel guilty.
Because every time I close my eyes I see you lying lifeless.
Because I loved you.
Because you were my reason for living.
Because everything is pointless without you smiling at me.
Because everything is pointless without you joking and insulting me like only you could.
Because I want to be with you again.
“Do you really think Merlin would want you to die?” Morgana smiles, she looks like a panda with her mascara smudged all over her face.
“She’s right.” I recognise this voice straight away. It’s you mother.
“Look at his mobile.” She says handing me a small, black Motorola, “He’d want you to have it.” She just wanders off, strange.
Not that I’m calling your mother strange, I’m just saying she acts strange sometimes.
I open the phone, the first thing I notice is the background. It’s a picture of us too, we’re both laughing, I have my arm around your shoulder and you’re resting your head on my shoulder.
Then I look at you messages.
One saved message from Arthur, I slowly open it. It simply reads: I love you too. A.
I can’t hold it back anymore, I cry for what I did and I cry for what I didn’t.
Morgana holds me tight in her arms and Gwen rests her hand on my arm. We’re all joint together in our sorrow.
We all miss you.
It ends with the beginning, Arthur Pendragon bumping into Merlin Emrys in the lunch queue. A quick sorry leaves his lips as Merlin smiled and wipes the orange soup off his pale blue shirt. Arthur quickly takes in the young strangers face. He is rather beautiful - even if he does have rather large ears.
The young man holds out his hand, “I’m Merlin.” He smiles, his eyes glitter in the light making them look like glittering diamonds.
Somehow Arthur breaks out of his trance, “I-I’m Arthur.” No need to say his surname, “And I’m new here.” Arthur tries to start a conversation and it works. They sit together at lunch - neither of them touch their food.
Merlin is new too, he tells him. After about ten minuets before some lads come over.
“Hey Arthur.” Lancelot smiles, “Why are you sitting by yourself? Come and sit with us.” Arthur gives Merlin a small, apologetic smile before wandering off with the lads.
Before he leaves Merlin returns the smile - almost secretly. This is the beginning of something new, something that will mark both their lives forever.
It won’t last as long as it should but it will last long enough - as, you see, Arthur passed away yesterday in his sleep. Merlin was the one that came for him, he was the one who led him to whatever’s next.
Even in death they are together.