bad times :(
so, i've kinda been in a depressive mood lately
and i've just been thinking a lot. school has
bombarded me with work and the stress is high.
i find myself getting ticked off because of stupid
little things, but i think its just that i've put up
with so many little stupid things that have been annoying
me that i've finally started to erupt. crying helps.
senioritis is killing me, high school sucks so much.
all i can think about is college and what its gona
be like, and my dorm and how i'm gona fix it up
and stuff like that.
valentine's day is coming up, another sucky ass
day of being lonely. i hate it. why can't they just
keep it small and not commercialize it so much?
it just makes people feel like shit.
i've been thinking a lot about love too. i've always wanted
to write about this, but never had the time. i dont really
have the time now either, but i could care less.
so this is whats on my mind:
ok, so everyone pretty much hopes to find a person to spend
the rest of their life with, right? that person would be perfect,
and would mean the world to you. i sincerely hope to find that
person someday, but what if i dont?
so far, i havent had a real boyfriend and that doesnt really bother
me. the thing that bothers me is that there have been many guys that
i've gotten close to and i always manage to push them away. i think that
i cant let myself be "liked" or watever. whenever i think about it, i see
that i've never really trusted anyone either. i'm always thinking that,
what if this guy is making fun of me with his friends behind my back? or
what if this guy is just saying the same things to me as he's saying to
20 other different girls? i have MAJOR insecurities with this. i never
think i'm pretty enough or cool enough and i always think that the guy
will find someone better and just leave me behind. i dont know why i feel
like this. it sucks. i love feeling special, and i would love to find
someone who makes me feel that way.
i've come to a conclusion
i have to learn to trust people, but carefully. i want to be able to
find someone that will be my life partner and be confident that he loves
me and only me. i want to not have insecurities that he's talking
badly about me or that he's got some other wife and kids somewhere.
i dont know if this came out right, its easier to talk about it,
but since i'm not the kind of person that really likes to talk about
my problems, i felt it would be better to write about it, even if
it doesnt make sense.
i'm not insecure about myself and my personality, i think i'm just
insecure about love and how it works. i'm still young and have more
to learn. i still have a long future ahead of me.
and i've just been thinking a lot. school has
bombarded me with work and the stress is high.
i find myself getting ticked off because of stupid
little things, but i think its just that i've put up
with so many little stupid things that have been annoying
me that i've finally started to erupt. crying helps.
senioritis is killing me, high school sucks so much.
all i can think about is college and what its gona
be like, and my dorm and how i'm gona fix it up
and stuff like that.
valentine's day is coming up, another sucky ass
day of being lonely. i hate it. why can't they just
keep it small and not commercialize it so much?
it just makes people feel like shit.
i've been thinking a lot about love too. i've always wanted
to write about this, but never had the time. i dont really
have the time now either, but i could care less.
so this is whats on my mind:
ok, so everyone pretty much hopes to find a person to spend
the rest of their life with, right? that person would be perfect,
and would mean the world to you. i sincerely hope to find that
person someday, but what if i dont?
so far, i havent had a real boyfriend and that doesnt really bother
me. the thing that bothers me is that there have been many guys that
i've gotten close to and i always manage to push them away. i think that
i cant let myself be "liked" or watever. whenever i think about it, i see
that i've never really trusted anyone either. i'm always thinking that,
what if this guy is making fun of me with his friends behind my back? or
what if this guy is just saying the same things to me as he's saying to
20 other different girls? i have MAJOR insecurities with this. i never
think i'm pretty enough or cool enough and i always think that the guy
will find someone better and just leave me behind. i dont know why i feel
like this. it sucks. i love feeling special, and i would love to find
someone who makes me feel that way.
i've come to a conclusion
i have to learn to trust people, but carefully. i want to be able to
find someone that will be my life partner and be confident that he loves
me and only me. i want to not have insecurities that he's talking
badly about me or that he's got some other wife and kids somewhere.
i dont know if this came out right, its easier to talk about it,
but since i'm not the kind of person that really likes to talk about
my problems, i felt it would be better to write about it, even if
it doesnt make sense.
i'm not insecure about myself and my personality, i think i'm just
insecure about love and how it works. i'm still young and have more
to learn. i still have a long future ahead of me.