My Feelings about Ryan and I
Hey.
How is everyone today.
Im doing pretty good.
I wish everything could be better but I doubt it's gonna happen.
I'm home for the night cause I needed to get some stuff done today around the house.
Ryan is off hanging out with his friends having a fun time getting higher then a kite.
I really wish I could get high, but thats not gonna happen here.
Anyways...
Things between Ryan and I are alittle sketchy right now. I really don't know what to think anymore, I really just want everything to be fine and have Ryan trust me. I'm not going to do anything behind his back anymore, I would never cheat on him, and never lie to him. I really don't need to feel the pain that I feel inside anymore. I also don't want to hurt Ryan anymore. Last week he almost left me cause I was dumb and went online behind his back and I lied about it too. I feel like shit and I really didn't deserve to be given a second chance that his gave me and that he keeps giving me.
I guess i really just don't know how to feel anymore, I'm just happy that he did forgive and I hope he can just forget about it and we can be happy together again. I really don't know why he always deals with all my shit. He never just says fuck it and walks away. I must say I do think that he is a really sweet and caring guy to just drop everything that he is feeling to just give me a second chance, Cause he loves me and he knows that deep inside my heart and my soul that I do want things to get better and that I do want to change my attitude.
I really don't want to ruin what Ryan and I have together. Hes my best friend and he's my lover. I love him so much that if he was to leave me that I wouldn't know what to do. I'd be so fucking depressed and so heart-broken that I wouldne't want to talk to anybody for awhile. I don't want to do that but I know that that's what would happen.
I really do need Ryan more then he needs me. I need someone to help get through life, I really don't like myself for doing that but its the truth, and I need to realize that someday Ryan is just gonna be sick of me and just walk away, and I have to deal with that.
Well I think I am done talking about that for today.
Farewell to you all.
How is everyone today.
Im doing pretty good.
I wish everything could be better but I doubt it's gonna happen.
I'm home for the night cause I needed to get some stuff done today around the house.
Ryan is off hanging out with his friends having a fun time getting higher then a kite.
I really wish I could get high, but thats not gonna happen here.
Anyways...
Things between Ryan and I are alittle sketchy right now. I really don't know what to think anymore, I really just want everything to be fine and have Ryan trust me. I'm not going to do anything behind his back anymore, I would never cheat on him, and never lie to him. I really don't need to feel the pain that I feel inside anymore. I also don't want to hurt Ryan anymore. Last week he almost left me cause I was dumb and went online behind his back and I lied about it too. I feel like shit and I really didn't deserve to be given a second chance that his gave me and that he keeps giving me.
I guess i really just don't know how to feel anymore, I'm just happy that he did forgive and I hope he can just forget about it and we can be happy together again. I really don't know why he always deals with all my shit. He never just says fuck it and walks away. I must say I do think that he is a really sweet and caring guy to just drop everything that he is feeling to just give me a second chance, Cause he loves me and he knows that deep inside my heart and my soul that I do want things to get better and that I do want to change my attitude.
I really don't want to ruin what Ryan and I have together. Hes my best friend and he's my lover. I love him so much that if he was to leave me that I wouldn't know what to do. I'd be so fucking depressed and so heart-broken that I wouldne't want to talk to anybody for awhile. I don't want to do that but I know that that's what would happen.
I really do need Ryan more then he needs me. I need someone to help get through life, I really don't like myself for doing that but its the truth, and I need to realize that someday Ryan is just gonna be sick of me and just walk away, and I have to deal with that.
Well I think I am done talking about that for today.
Farewell to you all.