Man

[your_girl]

Ok so let me explain this...for the maybe hopefully last time. Last night Tommaso was like "So you will stay with me after school till the game right? It will be you and me for 4 hours" and i was like "Ok but you will probably end up ditching me!""no i won't i promise" So today before we returned to homeroom after Pep rally i thought he said "meet me at the Ib room". SO i waited there forever and yeah and then i looked over school for him. Nope nowhere so i hung out with band people in the band room. Which was fun and they taught me how to play scum. Then When i wnet to the vending machines with Maggie i saw Tommaso so her and i hunted him down. And he explained to me our misscommunications and he wa slike "Well now i am here" so i wa slike ok w/e. then we went to the band room and he put down his stuff with mine and then he was like "i have to go talk to megan" and so i went with him. yeah about 5 minutes being tehre Ray came. Ergh! And so i sat down with tommaso this otehr girl and megan...and shorty ly after ray and this otehr guy. I sat awkwardly and Ray wouldn't look at neither tommaso or I or anyone he just kinda had this frustrated look. And well then Ray had to be snide and be like "So who are you hanging out with after school" I saved Tommaso's ass and was like "Some band people". and he was like"oh ok" little while after i was like i am going....So i walked away awkwardly...ahh i hated that. And i just stayed in the Band room until Tommaso came in looking for me. And i thought ok so maybe he will stay. And that is what he said. So him and i were just walking aoround and he said how Ray left and was mad at him and How i was probably the reason, which i could have figured it out myself. And well we were actually starting to talk and then he had to go to the batheroom? And then like as soon as he came back ray called. Needless to say he wanted Tommaso to come back with him..Tommaso didn't even say who he was with, just that he was grabbing his backpack. And like i don't really care just cause Ray doesn't need to know that t0ommaso and I are friends...just sometimes it would be nice for Tommaso to stick up for me. And so i just brushed it off cause Tommaso said he wasn't going to leave. And he wasn't going to until i was like "You should because you and Ray are better friends anyway and it would be stupid to lose friendsship over something liek this." And like he kept being like ok i am going to go and i am like ok...and he is like "i feel bad and you don't even look happy." SO i was like "Well I am about to be alone all by myself[all the band people had to go to practice] so what do you expect me to be like' Oh yay i am finally being alon...AGAIN!'" and then he was like i am sorry and he gave me a hug. And he left and he kept saying by and he was sorry. For awhile i thought mayeb he would come back and find me...nope he didn't. So i walked around the halls and i called Jessica and then katie and then my sister and then i decided just to go to the stadium. the game was alright we lost pretty bad. in the middle of the game i sa tommaso and i tript him and i laughed. I flicked ray off behind his back. And i barely got to talk to the person that i wanted to talk to...the hole reason i went. oh well. I think he knows i like him and that makes me vulnerable.

I had a headache all of today :'(

i think i am losing weight due to stress. I am seriously losing my appetite all the time, and i wake up nausaus and i have to literally force myself to eat. I want this all t go away!

Why do i put a curse on guys that i like? WHy do i repell them so? I am feelings really down all the time. maybe that is anotehr eason why my eating is getting bad....sadness and stress :'(