somewhere between figuring it out and who we are
so lately i've been feeling completely out of place. school has started, classes are alright, not as bad as i thought they were going to be. lately i just haven't been able to stand people. everyone just seems so self absorbed, when im too busy thinking about all the things that i leave unsaid.
my mind is kind of on overload. i don't know how much more i can take of this. too much is going on for me to process. i need to take a minute and breathe, it just never seems to last that long, or do any good in my situation.
im trying to be ok, im trying not to think about the fact that jim is going to iraq, it just seems like everything is telling me that he should not be there and i can't shake it. its hard when i tell him everything, i feel like im keeping something from him when i dont tell him how much it hurts to think about the idea of him in iraq. the silence of the pain we don't say to eachother is deafening. i guess we don't want to make things worse. i just want november to come now, i want to see him again. i wanna know hes there, when i need him. he hasnt called in almost 2 weeks. i should (hope) to get a phone call this weekend when he has time off.
college is starting to seriously scare me. i haven't started my applications yet. theyre due in the beginning of november. i always seem too busy or too exhausted to look at them. im already falling behind, and its only september.
i really need something to take my mind off of things. ugh....
if jim isn't in town when ball comes around. sean said he wants to take me. he made my life. its comforting to know that if jim isnt here to go with i know i have someone who is my best friend and knows me second best to go with. and i know jim would approve. im glad we're getting back to where we were. i missed sean and being mad close.
so now im done ranting. i love anyone who really took the time to read that.
my mind is kind of on overload. i don't know how much more i can take of this. too much is going on for me to process. i need to take a minute and breathe, it just never seems to last that long, or do any good in my situation.
im trying to be ok, im trying not to think about the fact that jim is going to iraq, it just seems like everything is telling me that he should not be there and i can't shake it. its hard when i tell him everything, i feel like im keeping something from him when i dont tell him how much it hurts to think about the idea of him in iraq. the silence of the pain we don't say to eachother is deafening. i guess we don't want to make things worse. i just want november to come now, i want to see him again. i wanna know hes there, when i need him. he hasnt called in almost 2 weeks. i should (hope) to get a phone call this weekend when he has time off.
college is starting to seriously scare me. i haven't started my applications yet. theyre due in the beginning of november. i always seem too busy or too exhausted to look at them. im already falling behind, and its only september.
i really need something to take my mind off of things. ugh....
if jim isn't in town when ball comes around. sean said he wants to take me. he made my life. its comforting to know that if jim isnt here to go with i know i have someone who is my best friend and knows me second best to go with. and i know jim would approve. im glad we're getting back to where we were. i missed sean and being mad close.
so now im done ranting. i love anyone who really took the time to read that.