(no subject)
The following was written last night:
"It is 1:25 am, 9/05/06 as I write this. I should be sleeping right now, having lovely nightmares about my second last-first-day-of-high-school. Cause I have had this day before. Last year. Happy and excited that in one year, I would be somewhere else. Anywhere else. Just... not here. Not again.
I should be sleeping. Not just because its night and its now 1:30 am. But also because I took enough Ambien to drop a man twice my size in his tracks. Me? I'm arranging potential outfits and writing stupid journal entries that maybe two people will read.
Most of my friends are gone. Some are still here, but the ones I've known since kindergarten? For 13 years, some longer? They are gone. When I step into that building tomorrow, my class is no longer... mine. I don't know many of the 'new' seniors very well, so I don't plan on fitting right in and being adopted by a new people. Why should they? Who the hell is this girl? Super senior. Oh. Super senior = druggie slacker... maybe she got pregnant. Sweet, easy score.
Maybe I'll finally get a boyfriend.
I'm looking forward to some stuff I have to do this year - choir, drama (finally), TA for the consanants L and P, art history class with Mooney... but all of the awkward... crap... that I know is bound to happen has me a bit strung out. I mean, school hasn't even started and my schedule is already fucked up. w00t, people. w00t.
If you read this, bless. Please leave a comment, even just a word to say you read, cause otherwise I feel like I'm putting all of this out there for no reason. And that just really depresses me.
I'm going. Not because the Ambien has kicked in (it hasn't), but because it is 1:47 am and I do have a day tomorrow. I hope your day is full of sunshine and happiness... instead of syllabi and first-day busy work. Night."
So that was last night. Yeah, it was dramatic and well... dramatic, but I think I should be allowed that every once and a while. The first day was all right. Not great, more shitty... yeah. We had an assembly for the Welsh (and just first day of school shit) and I looked around the gym and felt like I knew no one. I felt like I was at a different school. I knew more Welsh kids than I did American. It was ridiculous. Physics is going to suck. Hard. My lab group is going to run me into the ground, if I don't beg to be released first. I don't want to be stuck doing all the work in a class I most likely won't understand anyway. Art history will hopefully be cool - I'm really looking forward to it, mainly because Mooney is so awesome. I get to TA for L, which makes me happy. Drama... if Mike Clouthier wasn't in my class, I'd run away screaming. There are 31 kids in the class. 31. He usually has 10 kids in his drama class. Peter is the TA. Hear the joy in my voice. lol it will be cool to have him there everyday, but if he pulls rank on me, I will cut a bitch. I just love Mr. P so much and really hope this class doesn't drain him. I want it to be a fun experience... UGH.
Auditions for both The Crucible and A Chorus Line are next week. Um... the fuck? The FUCK?! I'm terrified that I won't get in. Terrified. Because then I will have nothing at all to do and I will be even more lonely and depressed. I want to cry. I really do.
That's enough depression for one night. I will hopefully have good things to write about soon. I hope all of your days are lovely and wonderous and full of joy. And one more thing. Screw parallel structure.
:-)
"It is 1:25 am, 9/05/06 as I write this. I should be sleeping right now, having lovely nightmares about my second last-first-day-of-high-school. Cause I have had this day before. Last year. Happy and excited that in one year, I would be somewhere else. Anywhere else. Just... not here. Not again.
I should be sleeping. Not just because its night and its now 1:30 am. But also because I took enough Ambien to drop a man twice my size in his tracks. Me? I'm arranging potential outfits and writing stupid journal entries that maybe two people will read.
Most of my friends are gone. Some are still here, but the ones I've known since kindergarten? For 13 years, some longer? They are gone. When I step into that building tomorrow, my class is no longer... mine. I don't know many of the 'new' seniors very well, so I don't plan on fitting right in and being adopted by a new people. Why should they? Who the hell is this girl? Super senior. Oh. Super senior = druggie slacker... maybe she got pregnant. Sweet, easy score.
Maybe I'll finally get a boyfriend.
I'm looking forward to some stuff I have to do this year - choir, drama (finally), TA for the consanants L and P, art history class with Mooney... but all of the awkward... crap... that I know is bound to happen has me a bit strung out. I mean, school hasn't even started and my schedule is already fucked up. w00t, people. w00t.
If you read this, bless. Please leave a comment, even just a word to say you read, cause otherwise I feel like I'm putting all of this out there for no reason. And that just really depresses me.
I'm going. Not because the Ambien has kicked in (it hasn't), but because it is 1:47 am and I do have a day tomorrow. I hope your day is full of sunshine and happiness... instead of syllabi and first-day busy work. Night."
So that was last night. Yeah, it was dramatic and well... dramatic, but I think I should be allowed that every once and a while. The first day was all right. Not great, more shitty... yeah. We had an assembly for the Welsh (and just first day of school shit) and I looked around the gym and felt like I knew no one. I felt like I was at a different school. I knew more Welsh kids than I did American. It was ridiculous. Physics is going to suck. Hard. My lab group is going to run me into the ground, if I don't beg to be released first. I don't want to be stuck doing all the work in a class I most likely won't understand anyway. Art history will hopefully be cool - I'm really looking forward to it, mainly because Mooney is so awesome. I get to TA for L, which makes me happy. Drama... if Mike Clouthier wasn't in my class, I'd run away screaming. There are 31 kids in the class. 31. He usually has 10 kids in his drama class. Peter is the TA. Hear the joy in my voice. lol it will be cool to have him there everyday, but if he pulls rank on me, I will cut a bitch. I just love Mr. P so much and really hope this class doesn't drain him. I want it to be a fun experience... UGH.
Auditions for both The Crucible and A Chorus Line are next week. Um... the fuck? The FUCK?! I'm terrified that I won't get in. Terrified. Because then I will have nothing at all to do and I will be even more lonely and depressed. I want to cry. I really do.
That's enough depression for one night. I will hopefully have good things to write about soon. I hope all of your days are lovely and wonderous and full of joy. And one more thing. Screw parallel structure.
:-)