(no subject)
so i'm freaking out right now. having a panic attack is more accurate.
i haven't been to a whole day of school in so long. L's pissed at me, I know, and I don't blame him. I need to talk to him and ask him for like, one week to make my meds kick in, but i have to actually BE THERE. i couldn't get my math homework done last night so i'm freaking out about that. i hate chemistry/my chemistry teacher and want to drop the class but don't think i can. but i have so much to make up i might have to. mr. scheuer is being really cool but i'm terrified that all of the teachers that are being really cool are going to get sick of my sickness really really fast. honestly i'm like hyperventallating right now. the only good thing i have going is the play, but i can't do that if i'm not there. the same with vocal jazz. damnit. damnit damnit damnit. i'm so freaking ovrewhelmed and i feel like utter shit on top of it... i'm just so depressed and i really don't know why and can't explain it... i tried to last night, tried to tell my mom, but i couldn't make her get it. i'm just so sick of all of this. school is too much for me right now; its making me insane. i want to be there so badly but everything is making that not happen. fuck. i can't deal with this. i can't deal with this.
i haven't been to a whole day of school in so long. L's pissed at me, I know, and I don't blame him. I need to talk to him and ask him for like, one week to make my meds kick in, but i have to actually BE THERE. i couldn't get my math homework done last night so i'm freaking out about that. i hate chemistry/my chemistry teacher and want to drop the class but don't think i can. but i have so much to make up i might have to. mr. scheuer is being really cool but i'm terrified that all of the teachers that are being really cool are going to get sick of my sickness really really fast. honestly i'm like hyperventallating right now. the only good thing i have going is the play, but i can't do that if i'm not there. the same with vocal jazz. damnit. damnit damnit damnit. i'm so freaking ovrewhelmed and i feel like utter shit on top of it... i'm just so depressed and i really don't know why and can't explain it... i tried to last night, tried to tell my mom, but i couldn't make her get it. i'm just so sick of all of this. school is too much for me right now; its making me insane. i want to be there so badly but everything is making that not happen. fuck. i can't deal with this. i can't deal with this.