Clancy's Funeral
today was one of the most trying days of my life. it really wasn't all that bad.. until we showed up at the gravesite. once we got there, renae just broke down crying and it was difficult to see her like that because im just thinking of all the thoughts of clancy she has running through her head. but once they brought in the casket, everyone just lost it. girls & boys. everyone just started bawling and that was the hardest. it was hard seeing everyone around me just lose it. one of my friends actually collapsed because she had been so close to him. his father was really trying to be strong and just tried to think of all the happy memories of him and his son and make everyone laugh and think of the good times they had together.. but he couldn't hold out forever. he got halfway through his eulogy and layed on Clancy's casket and just started crying. it was so difficult. it shouldn't have happened like that. it's just difficult knowing that maybe there was something you could do to help him in some way. we all just miss him terribly and he really didn't know how many people truly do love him and how destroyed they are by all of this. I knew him for maybe four months but as one of the teens that was there said.. "You meet him for one month and you just fall in love with him. He makes you feel as if you had known him you're entire life." I just really wish he wouldn't have done it. He had so much going for him... all the girls loved him.. all the guys just loved being around him.. and he was only 15 years old. He had so much more to live for. He once said "you have to live through the worst times to get to the best". I just wish he had taken his own advice.
during the ceremony... one of the ladies [i think his aunt] asked everyone in the crowd to join hands and say the Lord's prayer for him. even if you didn't know the person standing next to you.. we all just joined hands around Clancy's casket and recited "Our Father, Who aren't in heaven. Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven..." by that point in time.. everyone was just breaking down crying. even if you didn't know the person next to you.. even after we were done.. everyone just kept holding hands enclosing Clancy and his family together for the last time.
back at Clancy's house.. there were about 100 people gathered to say something about Clancy.. write how much they'll miss him.. and just be there for his family and look back on all the good memories.
after about half the people had left.. me and renae walked through the desert where me, her, clancy, and brad had last all been together and we just sat and talked and did what we normally did [smoked.]. It was really difficult. As we were walking, we were remembering how she got a thorn stuck in her sandal and and practically went into her foot and how Brad and Clancy picked her up and carried her back to the street. And we realized that we'll never be able to do that again because he gave up his life. A part of me wants to be angry but I just can't be. It's difficult enough but to add anger to that would just make things even harder. I really miss him and just wish he wouldn't have done this. This should never be how it happens... ever.
If anyone EVER has a problem that they think they cannot get through.. PLEASE PLEASE talk to someone! You never realize how many people truly do love you and how hurt they'd be if you ever did this. Someone is ALWAYS there for you and they love you more than you could possibly know. Just please talk to someone... it should never happen like this... ever...... ever.
REST IN PEACE CLANCY THOMAS RYAN!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND WILL MISS YOU MORE THAN THAT!!!! YOU ARE LOVED SO MUCH AND IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! You'll make a beautiful angel... May God Be With You Always...
during the ceremony... one of the ladies [i think his aunt] asked everyone in the crowd to join hands and say the Lord's prayer for him. even if you didn't know the person standing next to you.. we all just joined hands around Clancy's casket and recited "Our Father, Who aren't in heaven. Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven..." by that point in time.. everyone was just breaking down crying. even if you didn't know the person next to you.. even after we were done.. everyone just kept holding hands enclosing Clancy and his family together for the last time.
back at Clancy's house.. there were about 100 people gathered to say something about Clancy.. write how much they'll miss him.. and just be there for his family and look back on all the good memories.
after about half the people had left.. me and renae walked through the desert where me, her, clancy, and brad had last all been together and we just sat and talked and did what we normally did [smoked.]. It was really difficult. As we were walking, we were remembering how she got a thorn stuck in her sandal and and practically went into her foot and how Brad and Clancy picked her up and carried her back to the street. And we realized that we'll never be able to do that again because he gave up his life. A part of me wants to be angry but I just can't be. It's difficult enough but to add anger to that would just make things even harder. I really miss him and just wish he wouldn't have done this. This should never be how it happens... ever.
If anyone EVER has a problem that they think they cannot get through.. PLEASE PLEASE talk to someone! You never realize how many people truly do love you and how hurt they'd be if you ever did this. Someone is ALWAYS there for you and they love you more than you could possibly know. Just please talk to someone... it should never happen like this... ever...... ever.
REST IN PEACE CLANCY THOMAS RYAN!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND WILL MISS YOU MORE THAN THAT!!!! YOU ARE LOVED SO MUCH AND IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! You'll make a beautiful angel... May God Be With You Always...