(no subject)
i feel like my hair is getting thin, i'm not allowed to dye it for a while.
and i haven't touched scissors to it in almost a month. proud of myself? indeed. its just past my shoulders now. soon enough, the inches will appear out of nowhere.
my headaches have returned full throttle, on an almost daily basis. i'm assuming its due to my poor diet, lack of exercise, lack of proper sleep, and unnecessary stress.
i'm slipping into old habits that are too easy to fall back into. there are dark places i used to hide that i don't want to return to. but they're luring me back in. there really, really shouldn't be a scale in my room. that or, i should grow the will power to stay away from it. either way, destruction has ensued.
if i had the money, i'd run across the street and buy a snickers ice cream bar. or go to whole foods. both counterproductive. AND i don't like feeling like this.
i'm going to take some (a lot) of nyquill tonight. i need some sort of sugar in my system, i'm aching for it. i need a full night's rest, uninterrupted. i need to work on my paper and make holiday cards and pack and study and clean. all of which, do not seem to be happening, due to my schedule.
i've been aching for a crepe for weeks now. please, someone, tell me that when i get home they'll come with me.
i want to find a friend from another culture who will show me things about themselves. i want to go try new foods and hear about beautiful far away places because i guess i've always been an escapist and have lived in a fantasy world. of course, i CAN handle reality. but there's so much beauty in places that don't exist.
i'm unraveling, and i don't know why. as much as i need home, for its sewing machines and typewriters and yarns and foods and bed space, i don't want to leave here. there is no in the middle. i'll probably go out to montauk for a day or so. clear my head on the beach. mmm. yes.
in other, less somber news... i feel like this is the beginning of what falling in love is. or, so i hope.
goodnight. at a reasonable hour.
and i haven't touched scissors to it in almost a month. proud of myself? indeed. its just past my shoulders now. soon enough, the inches will appear out of nowhere.
my headaches have returned full throttle, on an almost daily basis. i'm assuming its due to my poor diet, lack of exercise, lack of proper sleep, and unnecessary stress.
i'm slipping into old habits that are too easy to fall back into. there are dark places i used to hide that i don't want to return to. but they're luring me back in. there really, really shouldn't be a scale in my room. that or, i should grow the will power to stay away from it. either way, destruction has ensued.
if i had the money, i'd run across the street and buy a snickers ice cream bar. or go to whole foods. both counterproductive. AND i don't like feeling like this.
i'm going to take some (a lot) of nyquill tonight. i need some sort of sugar in my system, i'm aching for it. i need a full night's rest, uninterrupted. i need to work on my paper and make holiday cards and pack and study and clean. all of which, do not seem to be happening, due to my schedule.
i've been aching for a crepe for weeks now. please, someone, tell me that when i get home they'll come with me.
i want to find a friend from another culture who will show me things about themselves. i want to go try new foods and hear about beautiful far away places because i guess i've always been an escapist and have lived in a fantasy world. of course, i CAN handle reality. but there's so much beauty in places that don't exist.
i'm unraveling, and i don't know why. as much as i need home, for its sewing machines and typewriters and yarns and foods and bed space, i don't want to leave here. there is no in the middle. i'll probably go out to montauk for a day or so. clear my head on the beach. mmm. yes.
in other, less somber news... i feel like this is the beginning of what falling in love is. or, so i hope.
goodnight. at a reasonable hour.