Blind.

[your_best_shot]

Every once in a while, I find myself questioning everything that I believe in and stand for. I try to stand back and take a look at the things around me; things I've created, even things that have appeared on their own. Often amazed, sometimes impressed, recently overwhelmed and appalled. I guess it has been far too long since I glanced up out of my daze and realized the way that everything had fallen to pieces. I have no understanding of how or when this all happened, but it certainly has and I need to come to terms with it. I assume I have made some wrong turns, things I thought were going well have backfired sufficiently. I have to take responsibility for the things in my life and the way that I treat people. I've always thought that the way i was, was in fact just that. That it didn't need any mending or shaping, that it should be accepted for what it was. But now I realize that sometimes the way that I act is unsettling or hurtful to people. I honestly have no intent to injure or any motive to harm, but it has happened regardless. I'm so sorry I hadn't learned of this sooner. I'm so torn up and ashamed for pushing people away. People that i truly valued, but never told. I'm so angry with myself for letting all of this go; letting it all unwind when I had carefully wrapped it up tight. I have a lot of filing to do inside of my mind to get everything back into order. I have completely obliterated some of my chances, but I hope that others still await me. I know that I have a lot to mend, and that some things won't be pliable. I really need to step up and get my life in order. Little by little, I will make myself happy again. It needs to be kept in mind that life is only as serious as you make it, however.

I have a lot more to ponder, consider and manage.

Any kind of advice, opinions, thoughts or otherwise are welcome.

If I haven't hurt you, or you are somewhat unaffected by my fuck ups, company would also be appreciated.