this won't be a tear jerker
Summer has been a long hellish ride and now here I am, back at school, finally.
I managed to get back to a 00 then up to a 3/4. Now I'm hovering around a 1. At 117lbs. I feel gigantic. I see my therapist two to three times a week. I'm on medications that make my appetite nonexistant. I've lost 3lbs since returning my original meds...
Meds taken:
300mg Seroquel (night)
100mg Neurontin (morning/night)
30mg Paxil (morning)
1mg Ativan (8 hours)
4mg/6mg Imitrex (injection, as needed)
50 Diclofenac (8 hours, as needed)
I feel human and alive and never hungry at at all. Since Thursday, I had some fries, some limade, 1 iced grande triple nonfat vanilla latte, and a few milano cookies.
I just got out of the mental health resource center in Orange Park from overdosing on Klonopin which I always feel like doing with any of the benzodiazapines. Living just sucks most of the time. But, I also have vodka. Vodka is my friend. Apparently, I took 21 0.5mg tablets of knlonopin because I was in a critical state of panic attack... weird. I've got to go hunt down my hospital charts because I was asleep all of Friday, most of Saturday, and the Klonopin is still making it's way through my system. Screw Xanax and Klonopin. Neither really work for they were meant in my head, Ugh.
Class at 11am. French. Ridicoulsly easy stuff. Everyone says I look fantastic. I just see lines. I fear I'm getting what my grandmother has... treatment resistant schitzophrenia.
I managed to get back to a 00 then up to a 3/4. Now I'm hovering around a 1. At 117lbs. I feel gigantic. I see my therapist two to three times a week. I'm on medications that make my appetite nonexistant. I've lost 3lbs since returning my original meds...
Meds taken:
300mg Seroquel (night)
100mg Neurontin (morning/night)
30mg Paxil (morning)
1mg Ativan (8 hours)
4mg/6mg Imitrex (injection, as needed)
50 Diclofenac (8 hours, as needed)
I feel human and alive and never hungry at at all. Since Thursday, I had some fries, some limade, 1 iced grande triple nonfat vanilla latte, and a few milano cookies.
I just got out of the mental health resource center in Orange Park from overdosing on Klonopin which I always feel like doing with any of the benzodiazapines. Living just sucks most of the time. But, I also have vodka. Vodka is my friend. Apparently, I took 21 0.5mg tablets of knlonopin because I was in a critical state of panic attack... weird. I've got to go hunt down my hospital charts because I was asleep all of Friday, most of Saturday, and the Klonopin is still making it's way through my system. Screw Xanax and Klonopin. Neither really work for they were meant in my head, Ugh.
Class at 11am. French. Ridicoulsly easy stuff. Everyone says I look fantastic. I just see lines. I fear I'm getting what my grandmother has... treatment resistant schitzophrenia.