love & hate are so closely binded
I want to know why he treats me like I'm no better then everyone else. And why I'm the same. Like I'm nothing special. I want to know why I put up with it every day, like someone who has no sense at all. Well, I guess I'm just an idiot.
I deserve so much better. I think I deserve more then feeling like shit every day because I feel like I come second out of everything in his life. Always second. I feel like it's my fault sometimes, like I don't do things right, like I could be so much better. But I can't. All I can be is who I am. But I feel like he doesn't accept that, because I'm not pretty like other people, I'm not hot or sexy or whatever, I don't know. All I know is it seems like I'm never good enough. And I guess I never will be.
I'm so sick of living like this every day. That's all it is, just lies. Just fake smiles, and lies, and laying in his bed wondering when I'll ever be on his mind like he is on mine. Maybe I am.
I don't necessarily want love, I don't need it. That's why I don't understand why someone would lie and tell me they love me when they don't. Maybe he does. But if he did, then why do I feel like shit every day? Maybe everyone who has said it to me did love me. There were so many, it's hard to believe they all meant it, so I built up a tolerance and never came to believe people were telling the truth when they said it to me. I still don't believe people when they say it.
It's just...even when we're together, I feel so alone. I wish...I just wish I would get treated better, is all.
I deserve so much better. I think I deserve more then feeling like shit every day because I feel like I come second out of everything in his life. Always second. I feel like it's my fault sometimes, like I don't do things right, like I could be so much better. But I can't. All I can be is who I am. But I feel like he doesn't accept that, because I'm not pretty like other people, I'm not hot or sexy or whatever, I don't know. All I know is it seems like I'm never good enough. And I guess I never will be.
I'm so sick of living like this every day. That's all it is, just lies. Just fake smiles, and lies, and laying in his bed wondering when I'll ever be on his mind like he is on mine. Maybe I am.
I don't necessarily want love, I don't need it. That's why I don't understand why someone would lie and tell me they love me when they don't. Maybe he does. But if he did, then why do I feel like shit every day? Maybe everyone who has said it to me did love me. There were so many, it's hard to believe they all meant it, so I built up a tolerance and never came to believe people were telling the truth when they said it to me. I still don't believe people when they say it.
It's just...even when we're together, I feel so alone. I wish...I just wish I would get treated better, is all.