& I blame myself because I make things so hard & you're just trying to help
I feel so internally broken. Like something inside of me just dissappeared. But it's bullshit. I have no idea what I'm saying right now, or even how I'm feeling. It just feels like something is gone. There's just always that nagging feeling that I get. & the brokeness that I feel comes back when I have a spare moment. Everything is so right, but so wrong. How is that possible? I wish I could even express what I'm fucking thinking and feeling but it's just too deep to even articulate. Tonight something inside of me feels dead. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be fine. But there's nothing I can do about it now and I feel so god damn helpless. I should be happy. I have what I want. But still, it feels like there's something missing. I can't figure out what it is. But it's constantly ripping at me. I wish I had no regrets. I wish I could tell certain people things that I feel. But how am I supposed to do that when everything is so full of fucking heartbreak? I keep everything inside because I'm too afraid someone will just take my emotions and rip them apart. Why should anyone know things about me, anyways? I'm so fucking torn between keeping everything inside and just screaming everything as loud as I can to the people who are the most important. No one could ever care. I'm not even saying anyone should care, but listening and understanding and feeling are so seperate. People can listen to me bitch and pour my heart out, but what does it matter? They could never know how I feel.