I saw Rudolph and Santa Claus git'n it on... on the top of my roof.
well well, another christmas is officially here. The first friend I made at St. Francis, my neighbor Vikki who is a Jehovah's witness commented on this particular holiday. Well, I guess with her religion you're not supposed to celebrate special occasions, and that includes birthdays! my oh my.
But anyways, she asked me before break "If its Jesus' birthday, why do we give everyone else gifts?"
Now, I could have replied in a holier than christ tone "Because my friend, I see Jesus in people I love" and then hand her a WWJD bracelet and give a wide smile like I had chicklets as teeth. but mmmhmmm..no, instead I suppose the appropriate response would be "Because what would Christmas be without the greed, the stampedes at Wal-Mart, the cute M&M and Coca Cola commercials, the temper tantrums over parking spots, the crowded malls, etc.."
Tonite, Christmas Eve, my cousins came over and we had tons of food and opened gifts. I got a couple gift cards, which I asked for from my cousins and my sister...But the one gift I asked for my parents..well, its quite different from what my parents usually get me (unless I tell them what I want, they try and guess what I'd like and I open it on Christmas day, give a perplexed look on my face and say "aw, thanks mom, dad.."
A couple days ago I got a phone call from Nancy and she informed me that Olamide's wake and funeral would be on Dec. 30 and 31st...
I got discouraged because I told her I doubt my parents would let me go, and where the heck could I find a plane ticket for less than a week away thats not out of this world expensive?!
She offered to pay, and so did Julia which was both extremely generous and both said don't even ask just go...and as autonomous and carefree as that sounds, its quite different in Asian families. Even though my family and I aren't that close, I was raised, as most Asian families are to put families needs in front of the individual's. Thats just the way it goes. The concept of "every action has its consequence" was also pounded in my head too. Which is why even until now I haven't come out to my family yet even though my mother ALWAYS asks. But its just not an ordeal I'm ready to face head on yet. I wanna get through school, and completely support myself first..
Anyways, later that night I asked my mother if I could talk to her about what I wanted for Christmas...
I said "Mom, I don't want any gifts to unwrap this year..what I really want is to fly up to Illinois to go to Olamide's funeral on Dec 30th and 31st I don't have any money to pay for the ticket (which was just under 200 bucks which is considerably cheap considering the time crunch!) because I had to pay for presents for the fam and that root canal but I promise, promise to pay you guys back by getting a job this semester..." She thought about it for a moment and she said "sure"
I was completely overjoyed and I kid you not, I gave her 3 warm-hearted, genuine hugs (Honestly, I really don't know if thats ever happened before) and said thank you so much for understanding...
I couldn't believe it, in October when Ollie was missing I wanted nothing more but to go back to Illinois at that time and be with my friends..but they wouldn't allow it, and their main reasons were "what would you be able to do that would Olamide?" and my mother would repeatedly say "Y'know Nadine, there have been times when I wanted so badly to go back to the Philippines to go to my relatives funeral but I couldn't..and thats the way life is sometimes, accept it."
After that I cried and cried...well I think I wrote an entry about it. But I think what changed her mind was that scrapbook Ollie made me. She looked through it over Thanksgiving break, and its an amazing scrapbook about our friendship..
So I'm totally grateful for Nancy for allowing me to stay at her house..I'm not really sure what her parents think about it, cuz after all she does have like 3496433 brothers and sisters at home right now...
And it will be the first time I won't be home with the fam for New Years. Its kind of a shock my parents didn't make me come back the same day as the funeral b/c my mother has this superstition of the whole family has to be together for New Years to start the year off right with family...(Although we are never in the same room when the ball drops anyways...)
But I do have to come back early Jan 1st..although no complaints here, and as for the money I have to work it off by working for my father at his gyno office this summer..Being a medical assistant to him by weighing and taking BP's of expectant mothers...
As for the funeral...honestly I'm completely terrified. I've never been to a funeral before..well at least not in the states, I think I went to one when I was like 7 in the Philippines but I vaguely remember it...
And I just hate the fact that this is what I want for Christmas, to bury my best friend.
I know its going to be so emotional, and painful and heartbreaking...
Nancy says she kinda really wants this to happen, so she it can be kind of like closure for her..I'm not really sure if I'll feel the same. Maybe...since I'll be forced to confront and face it head on, whereas right now I still do double takes at Green Corolla's driving down the street, and pray to God everynite when I cry if there was anyway just for one day that she could come back down and be living again just like the movies...Like Ghost or Just like heaven, or heck I wouldn't even mind Casper. I just want nothing more but to hang out with her again...
I guess on the flipside, I've concluded that I have this amazing guardian angel now. Now Ollie kinda shares the duty with my dog and I swear its really working sometimes..
Like, right before finals I had this urgency to drive down to ISU and see my friends. I really shouldn't have because I was sure my grades would suffer and I was worried, but after everything this semester I just really needed to...The Thursday nite I drove down was the worst weather I have ever seen. It was snowing like crazy and accidents were to the right and left of me cuz 55 hadn't been plowed yet..But I made it somehow...it was incredible, the luck I had...
And as for finals and grades?! I ended up having terrific marks. I couldn't believe it, I even got a small scholarship to St. Xavier in Chicago if I plan to transfer there. I just feel like I have this luck and reassurance now that I never had before...And whats even cooler is that Nancy swears she can feel Ollie workin her magic too! There would be night when Nancy would call and she would just be exhausted and knew her grades were going downhill...but miracuosly she ended up with a frickin 4.0 this semester?! HOLY COW! Her last real semester of academics and its perfect!!!
So If I had to choose a song for her funeral, this one is probably the most beautiful song I've ever heard..if you ever get the chance, I hope you hear it one day.
You gotta leave me now
You gotta go along
You gotta chase a dream
One that’s all your own
Before it slips away
When you’re flying high
Take my heart along
I’ll be the harmony
To every lonely song
But you’ll learn to play
When you’re soaring through the air
I’ll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I’ll still be there
When you come back down
I keep looking up
Waiting your return
My greatest fear will be
That you will crash and burn
And I won’t feel your fire
I’ll be the other hand
That always holds a line
Connecting in between
Your sweet heart and mine
I’m strung out on that wire
And I’ll be on the other end
To hear you when you call
Angel you were born to fly
And if you get too high
I’ll catch you when you fall
Catch you when you fall
The memories, the sunshine
Every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel let me help you with your wings
When you’re soaring through the air
I’ll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I’ll still be there
When you come back down
Take every chance you dare
I’ll still be there
When you come back down
Tommorow I'm going to downtown Atlanta and goin with my cousin to pick up some homeless people and then volunteer at the soup kitchen for Christmas dinner. I'm so excited, I've never done anything like this before, I can't wait....
But anyways, she asked me before break "If its Jesus' birthday, why do we give everyone else gifts?"
Now, I could have replied in a holier than christ tone "Because my friend, I see Jesus in people I love" and then hand her a WWJD bracelet and give a wide smile like I had chicklets as teeth. but mmmhmmm..no, instead I suppose the appropriate response would be "Because what would Christmas be without the greed, the stampedes at Wal-Mart, the cute M&M and Coca Cola commercials, the temper tantrums over parking spots, the crowded malls, etc.."
Tonite, Christmas Eve, my cousins came over and we had tons of food and opened gifts. I got a couple gift cards, which I asked for from my cousins and my sister...But the one gift I asked for my parents..well, its quite different from what my parents usually get me (unless I tell them what I want, they try and guess what I'd like and I open it on Christmas day, give a perplexed look on my face and say "aw, thanks mom, dad.."
A couple days ago I got a phone call from Nancy and she informed me that Olamide's wake and funeral would be on Dec. 30 and 31st...
I got discouraged because I told her I doubt my parents would let me go, and where the heck could I find a plane ticket for less than a week away thats not out of this world expensive?!
She offered to pay, and so did Julia which was both extremely generous and both said don't even ask just go...and as autonomous and carefree as that sounds, its quite different in Asian families. Even though my family and I aren't that close, I was raised, as most Asian families are to put families needs in front of the individual's. Thats just the way it goes. The concept of "every action has its consequence" was also pounded in my head too. Which is why even until now I haven't come out to my family yet even though my mother ALWAYS asks. But its just not an ordeal I'm ready to face head on yet. I wanna get through school, and completely support myself first..
Anyways, later that night I asked my mother if I could talk to her about what I wanted for Christmas...
I said "Mom, I don't want any gifts to unwrap this year..what I really want is to fly up to Illinois to go to Olamide's funeral on Dec 30th and 31st I don't have any money to pay for the ticket (which was just under 200 bucks which is considerably cheap considering the time crunch!) because I had to pay for presents for the fam and that root canal but I promise, promise to pay you guys back by getting a job this semester..." She thought about it for a moment and she said "sure"
I was completely overjoyed and I kid you not, I gave her 3 warm-hearted, genuine hugs (Honestly, I really don't know if thats ever happened before) and said thank you so much for understanding...
I couldn't believe it, in October when Ollie was missing I wanted nothing more but to go back to Illinois at that time and be with my friends..but they wouldn't allow it, and their main reasons were "what would you be able to do that would Olamide?" and my mother would repeatedly say "Y'know Nadine, there have been times when I wanted so badly to go back to the Philippines to go to my relatives funeral but I couldn't..and thats the way life is sometimes, accept it."
After that I cried and cried...well I think I wrote an entry about it. But I think what changed her mind was that scrapbook Ollie made me. She looked through it over Thanksgiving break, and its an amazing scrapbook about our friendship..
So I'm totally grateful for Nancy for allowing me to stay at her house..I'm not really sure what her parents think about it, cuz after all she does have like 3496433 brothers and sisters at home right now...
And it will be the first time I won't be home with the fam for New Years. Its kind of a shock my parents didn't make me come back the same day as the funeral b/c my mother has this superstition of the whole family has to be together for New Years to start the year off right with family...(Although we are never in the same room when the ball drops anyways...)
But I do have to come back early Jan 1st..although no complaints here, and as for the money I have to work it off by working for my father at his gyno office this summer..Being a medical assistant to him by weighing and taking BP's of expectant mothers...
As for the funeral...honestly I'm completely terrified. I've never been to a funeral before..well at least not in the states, I think I went to one when I was like 7 in the Philippines but I vaguely remember it...
And I just hate the fact that this is what I want for Christmas, to bury my best friend.
I know its going to be so emotional, and painful and heartbreaking...
Nancy says she kinda really wants this to happen, so she it can be kind of like closure for her..I'm not really sure if I'll feel the same. Maybe...since I'll be forced to confront and face it head on, whereas right now I still do double takes at Green Corolla's driving down the street, and pray to God everynite when I cry if there was anyway just for one day that she could come back down and be living again just like the movies...Like Ghost or Just like heaven, or heck I wouldn't even mind Casper. I just want nothing more but to hang out with her again...
I guess on the flipside, I've concluded that I have this amazing guardian angel now. Now Ollie kinda shares the duty with my dog and I swear its really working sometimes..
Like, right before finals I had this urgency to drive down to ISU and see my friends. I really shouldn't have because I was sure my grades would suffer and I was worried, but after everything this semester I just really needed to...The Thursday nite I drove down was the worst weather I have ever seen. It was snowing like crazy and accidents were to the right and left of me cuz 55 hadn't been plowed yet..But I made it somehow...it was incredible, the luck I had...
And as for finals and grades?! I ended up having terrific marks. I couldn't believe it, I even got a small scholarship to St. Xavier in Chicago if I plan to transfer there. I just feel like I have this luck and reassurance now that I never had before...And whats even cooler is that Nancy swears she can feel Ollie workin her magic too! There would be night when Nancy would call and she would just be exhausted and knew her grades were going downhill...but miracuosly she ended up with a frickin 4.0 this semester?! HOLY COW! Her last real semester of academics and its perfect!!!
So If I had to choose a song for her funeral, this one is probably the most beautiful song I've ever heard..if you ever get the chance, I hope you hear it one day.
You gotta leave me now
You gotta go along
You gotta chase a dream
One that’s all your own
Before it slips away
When you’re flying high
Take my heart along
I’ll be the harmony
To every lonely song
But you’ll learn to play
When you’re soaring through the air
I’ll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I’ll still be there
When you come back down
I keep looking up
Waiting your return
My greatest fear will be
That you will crash and burn
And I won’t feel your fire
I’ll be the other hand
That always holds a line
Connecting in between
Your sweet heart and mine
I’m strung out on that wire
And I’ll be on the other end
To hear you when you call
Angel you were born to fly
And if you get too high
I’ll catch you when you fall
Catch you when you fall
The memories, the sunshine
Every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel let me help you with your wings
When you’re soaring through the air
I’ll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I’ll still be there
When you come back down
Take every chance you dare
I’ll still be there
When you come back down
Tommorow I'm going to downtown Atlanta and goin with my cousin to pick up some homeless people and then volunteer at the soup kitchen for Christmas dinner. I'm so excited, I've never done anything like this before, I can't wait....