I know it's been years...
but this has always been that little place where I can come and write about what i need to write about. Amanda wins. I am now officially tossing in the flag. I have taken her out of my buddy list and phone and tried to remember all of the sites where we are connected and delete the connection (that is, where she hasn't already done the same.) i guess i'll never know, nor understand what happened. one day we just weren't friends. i didn't decide it. i sure as hell didn't want that, but it seems that i have exausted all options. it seems really bizare to me. but i guess it would almost have to. no one really understands when someone removes someone else from their life, but never explains why. one day, we were hanging out at joey's having fun, whatever, and litterally the next day was the end, apparently. i have tried calling, imming, texting everything short of A.) writing a letter to the address i don't have or B.) chartering a fucking plane to fly over pittsburg. i used to want answers, some kind of closure some kind of answer as to why, but now, i don't want to be reminded of anything. it's tough though. there are photos, letters, little notes, journal entries, comments, CDs, memories that i keep finding. little momentos, a lot of them, really. considering the fact that i have known this girl for nearly 10 fucking years. that's what makes me so upset. i have known this girl for half of my life and she can't even take five seconds to explain this to me? she can't even muster up the balls to say anything. just poof! we aren't facebook friends, poof! we aren't myspace friends. poof, i have been trying for the last 2 months to get in touch with her in every way i can imagine without anything. if matt hadn't pointed out the myspace friend thing, i would have just continued trying to get in touch with her, having no idea she was upset with me. that's mature. and what gets me is that everyone is in love with this girl! she's adorable, she's lovable, she Mandarin, kiwi whatever the fuck people call her. she's really not. if only anyone saw that.