Hello old friend
It has been 6-ish years. Oh how time passes. I felt the need to write again yet I wanted it out in the open within a safe space and well.. for years LiveJournal was my safe space.
I won't go though all that has happened because A LOT has happened in the past 6-ish years.
I will go through a few questions that I am to ask myself.
~Setting Intentions~
1. Are you happy with your friendships?
- No, I feel the need to weed out some of the old that no longer serves me. Or at least have honest talks with some to express my feelings on how I feel our friendship is.
- Sarah: I love you though I hardly ever hear from you. This usually happens when you are in a relationship.
- Christina: I love you though you talked about how toxic Vanessa is and your brothers wife is yet you share on social media how much you like them. It is confusing.
- Jody: I love you yet I never see you yet you always have time for others.
Do you desire to have more friends or fewer?
- I desire to have more friends that share the same values in friendship.
- These values are; checking in on one another, showing up and following through
2. Do you feel that you have the right partner?
N/A
Or do you long for one?
- Yes I long for a partner who values and respects who I am, who sees me for me and loves me because of that, who I can and they can be vulnerable and transparent with, someone independent, confident with themselves and can find time to check in and say a quick hello because they are thinking of me.
3. Are you too sensitive about how others perceive you?
- Yes, when I like someone I want them to see me in the beaming light that is 90% of who I am, yet is not 100% correct. I am getting better with giving less fucks on what and who people think of me. You truly can not win them all and how exhausting would that be if I did.
4. Does it seem like your friends and partners value you for yourself, and not just your looks, talents, resume, or what you do for them?
- There a friends that do value me for me. Then there are friends who I feel only see me as a one sided person. These people should not be deemed as my friend.
Do you long for someone who want and accepts you as you are?
- One hundred percent romantically.
- With some friends I already have acquired this.
Do you question whether you could ever be loved for just you?
- I do. At the same time, I am reminded by good friends that this is 100% possible and attainable.
5. Do you accommodate yourself to others just to please them?
- Yes I do with people I have a crush on. Sometimes I say things just for them to keep liking me more.
6. Is it difficult for you to make up your mind?
- Yes I struggle with finding my own voice sometimes
7. In what ways can you seek out new friendships or connections or add social activities?
- By being more open with interactions I have in my day-to-day. Finding my own opinion about someone instead of basing it on others.