I'm Going Crazy
Title: I’m Going Crazy
Pairing: Lay/Suho (brotherly! Kris/Lay; hints of Kris/Tao; Sehun/Luhan etc.)
Length: one-shot
Genre: Band-fic; romance; angst; fluff; drama.
Rating: PG
A/N: I was writing this other fic and then Se7en’s ‘I’m Going Crazy’ started to play and this one line ‘You never listen’ and the setting/meaning of this song/it’s MV trigged this small fic.
Summary: JunMyeon is still new with love and just because he wants Yixing to be happy, he makes a giant mistake that isn’t easy to fix as it can only be fixed by time and one of the main ‘wrongs’ in all this - distance.
~*~
“You really never listen, do you now JunMyeon!” Yixing’s voice rang trough the air of the dorm loud and clear. “Do you really don’t care?”
“I do care, that’s why I am asking for this.” JunMyeon’s voice was as calm as always and that was almost more disturbing than if he would talk as loud as Yixing.
“I think you’re deaf! How on earth that would make things better, huh?” Yixing’s voice broke a little at the end, setting all those who were sitting in the living room and silently listening to the drama happening between the closed doors of K’s leaders room more on the edge.
“I’m a leader… I can’t…”
“Then who the fuck Kris is for Tao? Isn’t he a leader as well? We’re not even in the same sub unit!” Yixing’s voice got higher and broke again.
“That’s also the thing. The distance…”
“You’re not only deaf but also blind! Why can Sehun and Luhan live with this ‘distance’ thing but you can’t? I am against this single person decision you have made!”
“Yixing, it’s the best thing to do. I’ve made this…”
“Didn’t you hear me? I said I don’t agree with it!” Yixing near yelled and it took all Kris’ will power to stay put on the couch in the living room and not to storm in to the room and pull his friend out of the emotional torture he was in… and punch JunMyeon in the face and he knew he wasn’t the only one feeling like that, as all members were tensed.
“This time it’s not about you agreeing or disagreeing!” JunMyeon finally rose his voice, which was something shocking. “I said we’re trough with this stupid crush of ours and I am not willing to stake our team work and carrier on something that’s probably just forced on us by our tight living conditions and then messed up by distance!”
There was a heart breaking silence and if a needle would fall in the hallway behind the front door of their dorm they would hear it.
The door suddenly popped open and Yixing literally run out, his eyes glistering with tears he struggled to hold in as good as he could. He ignored all pairs of eyes that followed him as he went trough living room, slipped in to his shoes and left the dorm, closing the door with a loud bang, that was probably heard trough whole building.
“That’s it!” Kris stood up and was already heading to K leader’s room, when Luhan grabbed his wrist.
“Don’t do anything stupid.” He said and Kris looked back at him and other members, looking at him.
“The only one doing stupid things here is that moron!” Kris said loudly and pointed to the door of JunMyeon’s room.
“With stupid Luhan gege probably meant - don’t ruin his face because that could get you in trouble.” Tao said and stood up from the couch where he was sitting. “One punch should be enough and wouldn’t leave too much damage, though one punch is not enough after hurting Yixing gege” He said, mumbling the last part. “I can quickly show you how to…”
“No one’s going to punch anyone, right?” Luhan interrupted the maknae of M. “Right?” he looked at Kris and asked in a firmer voice after not receiving an answer.
“I’ll try.” Kris muttered and Luhan let go of his wrist, letting him in to go in K leader’s room.
The said one was sitting on the edge of his bed, covering his face with his palms, head lowered.
“You’re a fucking idiot.” Kris said closing the door behind him and skipping all intros. JunMyeon didn’t move and Kris continued. “Do you even realize what you just did and what you deserve after this?” there was still no response from other. Kris sighed and sat on the opposite bed that in theory belonged to Sehun.
“I have a mad urge to make you less similar to Siwon sunbae right now, because I have never seen Yixing that hurt and I’ve seen him at his worse before. Do you even know what he had to hear, what he had to go trough until he reached where he is right now? What almost all of M had to go trough? Do you know how broken and trashed his heart was before you glued it together? Who gave you the fucking rights to break it again?! Who the fuck do you think you are to hurt him like that!?” Kris spoke louder with each sentence and ended up yelling and standing up again. “If that was just a freakin’ crush to you then why the hell you swore love to him and made him full of false hopes?” right now he didn’t care that probably no only the ones left in the living room could hear him.
“Do you know how happy he was after every phone call or text message from you he received in China? How he anticipated K’s visits to China or us returning to Korea? Do you?” Kris took as step closer to still motionless JunMyeon. “Well, do you?” he asked and grabbed fistful of JunMyeon’s shirt, pulling him up from the bed. Others hands fell against his sides, revealing his swollen red eyes and tear stained cheeks.
Kris let go of other shirt and sighed deeply, running fingers trough his bangs in frustration. “You’re the biggest fucking idiot I have ever met in my entire life. Biggest idiot in all three freakin’ countries I’ve lived in! Probably the biggest idiot on the whole planet!”
“This is for the best…” JunMyeon said quietly.
“For the best? Throwing Yixing’s heart in to the trash and obviously putting yours on a rack is for the best? Why am I even wasting my time with an idiot like you…” Kris said and pulled his phone out of his pocket, as he headed out of the room, where others were waiting.
“Well?” KyungSoo asked, JongIn’s arms tightening around his waist.
“The good news is that I didn't hit him, the bad one is that he’s a fucking idiot and he better crawl back to Yixing on his knees when I find him.” Kris said and put his shoes on.
“Hyung, where are you going to?” Chanyeol, who was oddly quite all of this time asked.
“To find Yixing. I’ve wasted enough time with that idiot.” Kris replied, nodding toward the door of JunMyeon’s room.
“I’m going with you then.” Luhan said and put his shoes back in speed of light and followed Kris out of the dorm in direction as it seemed Kris new perfectly.
Finding Yixing wasn’t hard - where can a dancer went out his anger, frustration and sadness better than in a practice room, music booming trough the speakers, making him to move along with the rhythm.
“Yixing!” Kris called out, trying to be louder than the music, but the said male seemed either not to heart it or to ignore it as he continued to move along with the music.
“Turn the stereo off.” Kris said to Luhan who nodded and quickly moved a cross the room and turned to music off, yet Yixing continued to dance to music that seemed to play in his head.
“Yixing…” Kris said and went to stand in front of other, blocking his view on the mirror.
Yixing’s eyes were red and watery, his lower lip slightly twitching. It was heartbreaking to see one you found as close as brother like this.
“Yixing, stop.” Kris said and placed his hands on others shoulder stopping him from moving.
Yixing stopped and just stood there, his head lowered, shoulders shaking. “It hurts…” he muttered and Luhan, who had walked next to the two of them, wrapped his arms around other.
“We know.” The oldest of three said, letting the youngest one to rest his head on his shoulder. He just tightened his grip when he felt how his shirt gets damp from others’ tears.
Kris joined the hug in a minute, patting the back of Yixing’s head. “I could arrange us leaving back to China in few days.” He said and Yixing rose his head to first look at Kris and then at Luhan.
“But you and Sehun…” he said, still looking at Luhan.
“We’ll live trough that.” Luhan said with a small smile and wiped Yixing’s tears away. “Now we need to fix you.”
“Thank you.” Yixing sniffed, trying to regain his composure.
“No need to. We’re family and that’s what family does.” Kris said. “Let’s go.” He continued and took Yixing’s hand while Luhan took the other one and started to walk toward the door when the door opened and JunMyeon appeared in it.
“Can I… talk to you?” he asked, his eyes not quite fixing on Yixing.
“I don’t think you should say anything more today.” Luhan said, his voice firmer than usual.
“Please…I…Just…” JunMyeon locked his gaze on the floor.
“Do you want to listen to him?” Kris turned to Yixing, whose gaze was also fixed on the floor. There was a small nod and he let go of Yixing’s hand, motioning Luhan to do the same. “We will be outside.” He said and left, taking Luhan with him.
“Yixing, I’m…”
“Just don’t say that you’re sorry, ok?” Yixing stopped JunMyeon before he said what he wanted to say. “We’ve already had this fight and not once, never this big though, but I can’t stand one more ‘I’m sorry’ from you as I know that it will end like this again and I don’t want to hurt any more.”
“Then what do you want me to do?” JunMyeon took as step closer, finally looking at Yixing.
“To stop lying, stop giving fake promises and stop apologizing for the word you shouldn’t have said on the first place and to… finally tell me the truth.” Yixing looked up, meeting JunMyeon’s eyes.
“Then…” JunMyeon slowly kneeled in front of Yixing. “I want to beg for your forgiveness. I’ve hurt you far too many times, but today was the worst… I know. I just in my mind it worked out better, it sounded better... Everything is better in my mind.” He spoke not breaking eye contact with other. “I’m just afraid that if something goes wrong, if the wrong people finds out then all of our work, all of our effort will be for nothing and our dreams will be shattered. I don’t want your dreams to be shattered. I’ve waited 7 long years to be where I am and I could wait 7 more until everyone forgets if anything goes wrong, but you couldn’t. You’re dream is one of those you need to live now and me and my fears are in the way.” JunMyeon gripped the fabric of his pants above his knees. “I just wanted to protect you, to guard you and your dreams from distance as my insecurities ruined them slowly when I was too close. Thus why I beg for your forgiveness which you can not give to me, if you please so, but never the less. I am begging for you if not to forgive then give me time and prove myself.” He said in more official language and took a deep bow, his forehead touching the floor.
“JunMyeon, stand up.” Yixing said but other remained motionless. “JunMyeon, please, stand up.” JunMyeon finally listened and stood up.
“I can’t forgive you now. This is too much and I… I think I’m going crazy because of all this. It’s just too much for one day.” Yixing sighed. “We’re leaving back to China in few days. When we come back… maybe then… I don’t know. Sorry.” He said and passed by JunMyeon, their shoulder brushing and left, the doors shutting with a quite thud.
JunMyeon stood alone in the practice room for good 10 minutes before Kris finally came in and dragged him back to the dorm.
~*~
Two months later
~*~
“Sehun~ah!!!” Luhan’s voice rang trough the air of the living room as he run straight in to the arms of the younger boy, who was already waiting for him, atypical smile on his face.
“I missed you, hyung.” Sehun muttered, his arms locking Luhan in breath taking hug to which older responded with the same power.
“Missed you too…” Luhan mumbled, with a wide smile on his face and pecked Sehun’s lips to which Sehun responded with even brighter smile.
“Ouh, hello Yixing-hyung.” He said, his voice sounding too cheerful, but that was normal when ever Luhan was next to him.
“Hi.” The said hyung said and smile a little, but his smile fell as he saw JunMyeon walking out from his room. With 4 big steps he crossed the room, pushed K’s leader against the wall and pressed his lips on others, making all pairs of eyes in the room to look at them.
“I must be crazy...You've probably made me crazy, but I though about things and I came to realize that no matter how big of an idiot you are I still miss you… a lot.” Yixing said after breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against JunMyeon’s.
“This does not mean I’m forgiven, am I right?” JunMyeon asked, his arms securely wrapped around others waist.
“No. You’re on a probation. If you don’t pass it…”
“... you will receive a restrain order approved by all members of EXO.” Kris voice rang somewhere from behind Yixing.
“What do I have to do to pass?” JunMyeon asked, his eyes locked with Yixing’s.
“Make up for these two months and never talk about breaking up or any if that kind of nonsense ever again.” Yixing smiled, making JunMyeon’s heart to skip a beat. “You can start by taking my bag to Kris' and Tao's room as I am not going to stay with you for now.” He said and pecked K leader’s lips, before going to greet the rest of the of the K members.
“This won’t be easy for me, right?” JunMyeon asked to Kris, who was already somehow next to him.
“Not at all, but you can blame only yourself.” He patted others shoulder before heading to others, leaving JunMyeon with a long list of 'to do' things to ear Yixing back.
----------------
Don't ask we what is this because I don't know myself.
Pairing: Lay/Suho (brotherly! Kris/Lay; hints of Kris/Tao; Sehun/Luhan etc.)
Length: one-shot
Genre: Band-fic; romance; angst; fluff; drama.
Rating: PG
A/N: I was writing this other fic and then Se7en’s ‘I’m Going Crazy’ started to play and this one line ‘You never listen’ and the setting/meaning of this song/it’s MV trigged this small fic.
Summary: JunMyeon is still new with love and just because he wants Yixing to be happy, he makes a giant mistake that isn’t easy to fix as it can only be fixed by time and one of the main ‘wrongs’ in all this - distance.
~*~
“You really never listen, do you now JunMyeon!” Yixing’s voice rang trough the air of the dorm loud and clear. “Do you really don’t care?”
“I do care, that’s why I am asking for this.” JunMyeon’s voice was as calm as always and that was almost more disturbing than if he would talk as loud as Yixing.
“I think you’re deaf! How on earth that would make things better, huh?” Yixing’s voice broke a little at the end, setting all those who were sitting in the living room and silently listening to the drama happening between the closed doors of K’s leaders room more on the edge.
“I’m a leader… I can’t…”
“Then who the fuck Kris is for Tao? Isn’t he a leader as well? We’re not even in the same sub unit!” Yixing’s voice got higher and broke again.
“That’s also the thing. The distance…”
“You’re not only deaf but also blind! Why can Sehun and Luhan live with this ‘distance’ thing but you can’t? I am against this single person decision you have made!”
“Yixing, it’s the best thing to do. I’ve made this…”
“Didn’t you hear me? I said I don’t agree with it!” Yixing near yelled and it took all Kris’ will power to stay put on the couch in the living room and not to storm in to the room and pull his friend out of the emotional torture he was in… and punch JunMyeon in the face and he knew he wasn’t the only one feeling like that, as all members were tensed.
“This time it’s not about you agreeing or disagreeing!” JunMyeon finally rose his voice, which was something shocking. “I said we’re trough with this stupid crush of ours and I am not willing to stake our team work and carrier on something that’s probably just forced on us by our tight living conditions and then messed up by distance!”
There was a heart breaking silence and if a needle would fall in the hallway behind the front door of their dorm they would hear it.
The door suddenly popped open and Yixing literally run out, his eyes glistering with tears he struggled to hold in as good as he could. He ignored all pairs of eyes that followed him as he went trough living room, slipped in to his shoes and left the dorm, closing the door with a loud bang, that was probably heard trough whole building.
“That’s it!” Kris stood up and was already heading to K leader’s room, when Luhan grabbed his wrist.
“Don’t do anything stupid.” He said and Kris looked back at him and other members, looking at him.
“The only one doing stupid things here is that moron!” Kris said loudly and pointed to the door of JunMyeon’s room.
“With stupid Luhan gege probably meant - don’t ruin his face because that could get you in trouble.” Tao said and stood up from the couch where he was sitting. “One punch should be enough and wouldn’t leave too much damage, though one punch is not enough after hurting Yixing gege” He said, mumbling the last part. “I can quickly show you how to…”
“No one’s going to punch anyone, right?” Luhan interrupted the maknae of M. “Right?” he looked at Kris and asked in a firmer voice after not receiving an answer.
“I’ll try.” Kris muttered and Luhan let go of his wrist, letting him in to go in K leader’s room.
The said one was sitting on the edge of his bed, covering his face with his palms, head lowered.
“You’re a fucking idiot.” Kris said closing the door behind him and skipping all intros. JunMyeon didn’t move and Kris continued. “Do you even realize what you just did and what you deserve after this?” there was still no response from other. Kris sighed and sat on the opposite bed that in theory belonged to Sehun.
“I have a mad urge to make you less similar to Siwon sunbae right now, because I have never seen Yixing that hurt and I’ve seen him at his worse before. Do you even know what he had to hear, what he had to go trough until he reached where he is right now? What almost all of M had to go trough? Do you know how broken and trashed his heart was before you glued it together? Who gave you the fucking rights to break it again?! Who the fuck do you think you are to hurt him like that!?” Kris spoke louder with each sentence and ended up yelling and standing up again. “If that was just a freakin’ crush to you then why the hell you swore love to him and made him full of false hopes?” right now he didn’t care that probably no only the ones left in the living room could hear him.
“Do you know how happy he was after every phone call or text message from you he received in China? How he anticipated K’s visits to China or us returning to Korea? Do you?” Kris took as step closer to still motionless JunMyeon. “Well, do you?” he asked and grabbed fistful of JunMyeon’s shirt, pulling him up from the bed. Others hands fell against his sides, revealing his swollen red eyes and tear stained cheeks.
Kris let go of other shirt and sighed deeply, running fingers trough his bangs in frustration. “You’re the biggest fucking idiot I have ever met in my entire life. Biggest idiot in all three freakin’ countries I’ve lived in! Probably the biggest idiot on the whole planet!”
“This is for the best…” JunMyeon said quietly.
“For the best? Throwing Yixing’s heart in to the trash and obviously putting yours on a rack is for the best? Why am I even wasting my time with an idiot like you…” Kris said and pulled his phone out of his pocket, as he headed out of the room, where others were waiting.
“Well?” KyungSoo asked, JongIn’s arms tightening around his waist.
“The good news is that I didn't hit him, the bad one is that he’s a fucking idiot and he better crawl back to Yixing on his knees when I find him.” Kris said and put his shoes on.
“Hyung, where are you going to?” Chanyeol, who was oddly quite all of this time asked.
“To find Yixing. I’ve wasted enough time with that idiot.” Kris replied, nodding toward the door of JunMyeon’s room.
“I’m going with you then.” Luhan said and put his shoes back in speed of light and followed Kris out of the dorm in direction as it seemed Kris new perfectly.
Finding Yixing wasn’t hard - where can a dancer went out his anger, frustration and sadness better than in a practice room, music booming trough the speakers, making him to move along with the rhythm.
“Yixing!” Kris called out, trying to be louder than the music, but the said male seemed either not to heart it or to ignore it as he continued to move along with the music.
“Turn the stereo off.” Kris said to Luhan who nodded and quickly moved a cross the room and turned to music off, yet Yixing continued to dance to music that seemed to play in his head.
“Yixing…” Kris said and went to stand in front of other, blocking his view on the mirror.
Yixing’s eyes were red and watery, his lower lip slightly twitching. It was heartbreaking to see one you found as close as brother like this.
“Yixing, stop.” Kris said and placed his hands on others shoulder stopping him from moving.
Yixing stopped and just stood there, his head lowered, shoulders shaking. “It hurts…” he muttered and Luhan, who had walked next to the two of them, wrapped his arms around other.
“We know.” The oldest of three said, letting the youngest one to rest his head on his shoulder. He just tightened his grip when he felt how his shirt gets damp from others’ tears.
Kris joined the hug in a minute, patting the back of Yixing’s head. “I could arrange us leaving back to China in few days.” He said and Yixing rose his head to first look at Kris and then at Luhan.
“But you and Sehun…” he said, still looking at Luhan.
“We’ll live trough that.” Luhan said with a small smile and wiped Yixing’s tears away. “Now we need to fix you.”
“Thank you.” Yixing sniffed, trying to regain his composure.
“No need to. We’re family and that’s what family does.” Kris said. “Let’s go.” He continued and took Yixing’s hand while Luhan took the other one and started to walk toward the door when the door opened and JunMyeon appeared in it.
“Can I… talk to you?” he asked, his eyes not quite fixing on Yixing.
“I don’t think you should say anything more today.” Luhan said, his voice firmer than usual.
“Please…I…Just…” JunMyeon locked his gaze on the floor.
“Do you want to listen to him?” Kris turned to Yixing, whose gaze was also fixed on the floor. There was a small nod and he let go of Yixing’s hand, motioning Luhan to do the same. “We will be outside.” He said and left, taking Luhan with him.
“Yixing, I’m…”
“Just don’t say that you’re sorry, ok?” Yixing stopped JunMyeon before he said what he wanted to say. “We’ve already had this fight and not once, never this big though, but I can’t stand one more ‘I’m sorry’ from you as I know that it will end like this again and I don’t want to hurt any more.”
“Then what do you want me to do?” JunMyeon took as step closer, finally looking at Yixing.
“To stop lying, stop giving fake promises and stop apologizing for the word you shouldn’t have said on the first place and to… finally tell me the truth.” Yixing looked up, meeting JunMyeon’s eyes.
“Then…” JunMyeon slowly kneeled in front of Yixing. “I want to beg for your forgiveness. I’ve hurt you far too many times, but today was the worst… I know. I just in my mind it worked out better, it sounded better... Everything is better in my mind.” He spoke not breaking eye contact with other. “I’m just afraid that if something goes wrong, if the wrong people finds out then all of our work, all of our effort will be for nothing and our dreams will be shattered. I don’t want your dreams to be shattered. I’ve waited 7 long years to be where I am and I could wait 7 more until everyone forgets if anything goes wrong, but you couldn’t. You’re dream is one of those you need to live now and me and my fears are in the way.” JunMyeon gripped the fabric of his pants above his knees. “I just wanted to protect you, to guard you and your dreams from distance as my insecurities ruined them slowly when I was too close. Thus why I beg for your forgiveness which you can not give to me, if you please so, but never the less. I am begging for you if not to forgive then give me time and prove myself.” He said in more official language and took a deep bow, his forehead touching the floor.
“JunMyeon, stand up.” Yixing said but other remained motionless. “JunMyeon, please, stand up.” JunMyeon finally listened and stood up.
“I can’t forgive you now. This is too much and I… I think I’m going crazy because of all this. It’s just too much for one day.” Yixing sighed. “We’re leaving back to China in few days. When we come back… maybe then… I don’t know. Sorry.” He said and passed by JunMyeon, their shoulder brushing and left, the doors shutting with a quite thud.
JunMyeon stood alone in the practice room for good 10 minutes before Kris finally came in and dragged him back to the dorm.
~*~
Two months later
~*~
“Sehun~ah!!!” Luhan’s voice rang trough the air of the living room as he run straight in to the arms of the younger boy, who was already waiting for him, atypical smile on his face.
“I missed you, hyung.” Sehun muttered, his arms locking Luhan in breath taking hug to which older responded with the same power.
“Missed you too…” Luhan mumbled, with a wide smile on his face and pecked Sehun’s lips to which Sehun responded with even brighter smile.
“Ouh, hello Yixing-hyung.” He said, his voice sounding too cheerful, but that was normal when ever Luhan was next to him.
“Hi.” The said hyung said and smile a little, but his smile fell as he saw JunMyeon walking out from his room. With 4 big steps he crossed the room, pushed K’s leader against the wall and pressed his lips on others, making all pairs of eyes in the room to look at them.
“I must be crazy...You've probably made me crazy, but I though about things and I came to realize that no matter how big of an idiot you are I still miss you… a lot.” Yixing said after breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against JunMyeon’s.
“This does not mean I’m forgiven, am I right?” JunMyeon asked, his arms securely wrapped around others waist.
“No. You’re on a probation. If you don’t pass it…”
“... you will receive a restrain order approved by all members of EXO.” Kris voice rang somewhere from behind Yixing.
“What do I have to do to pass?” JunMyeon asked, his eyes locked with Yixing’s.
“Make up for these two months and never talk about breaking up or any if that kind of nonsense ever again.” Yixing smiled, making JunMyeon’s heart to skip a beat. “You can start by taking my bag to Kris' and Tao's room as I am not going to stay with you for now.” He said and pecked K leader’s lips, before going to greet the rest of the of the K members.
“This won’t be easy for me, right?” JunMyeon asked to Kris, who was already somehow next to him.
“Not at all, but you can blame only yourself.” He patted others shoulder before heading to others, leaving JunMyeon with a long list of 'to do' things to ear Yixing back.
----------------
Don't ask we what is this because I don't know myself.