I'd rather be a [ ] than a [ ] ...

[youngraven]

Playing along.

If I were a month, I'd be March.
If I were a day of the week, I would be Tuesday; I still think of it as seisiun night.
If I were a time of day, I'd be half-eight.
If I were a planet, I'd be an exoplanet.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be an octopus - then I could win a chess match.  
If I were a direction, I'd be east by northeast.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be Danish modern.
If I were a liquid, I'd be a seasonal product of a small brewery.
If I were a tree, I'd be a willow.
If I were a flower, I'd be a rose.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be a polite snowfall. 
If I were a musical instrument, I would be a kazoo. (You were expecting something else, perhaps?) 
If I were a color, I'd be dark red.
If I were an emotion, I'd be calm.
If I were a fruit, I'd be pineapple.
If I were a sound, I'd be the odd creaking sounds that an office building makes in the dead of night. Or the wind through rigging.  
If I were a car, I'd be a DeLorean.
If I were a food, I'd be edible.
If I were a place, I'd be under a tree in Phoenix Park.
If I were a taste, I'd be strong yet compelling.
If I were a scent, I'd be Coco Chanel.
If I were an object, I'd be a spindel ('cos I've found myself in need of one before, and they're damned hard to find any more).
If I were a body part, I'd be an eye. One eye. In the middle of a Cyclops. Rar.  
If I were a facial expression, I'd be a fishy-face.
If I were a song, I'd be not written by John Denver. Sorry.