I wish I knew ...
Well, I'm currently recovering from last night. Last night was the combined birthday bash of my roommie and 3 other friends. It was held at "Light" in NYC. I had a blast, and can't really remember the last 3 hours. It began with pregame drinks at our apartment. Everyone had 2 or 3 drinks, while I had 6. When we got to the club, they had open bar bracelets for $30 so I got that too. Got 4 more drinks. At 1 AM, when open bar ended, I got another, which cost $12, much to my suprise. All the while at the club, I did a lot of dancing and grinding and who knows what else. I just know I had a blast.(I haven't had a night like that in a long time.) I vaguely remember an incident involving the bathroom and the porcelain god. Next thing I remember was waking up in the back seat of my car with my roommie's female friend in my arms sleeping next to me (that NEVER happened before). This all equals a night of good times! Today, I woke up with a very mild queezy stomach, but I was rather energized (very interesting considering the 11 drinks). I went to church and sang in choir and played guitar for the 12:15 mass. I got a lot of complements, much to my surprise (didn't think I played well myself). If they knew what I did the night before, they'd surprised that I was even alive. I'm sure my body hates me right now, especially mister liver. I don't know why I did it all, but I guess I just needed to cut loose. After mass, I went to the basilica in Newark for the youth recognition celebration, where high schoolers and adults are honored by the Catholic Youth Organization of Newark. I was falling asleep through some parts of it, being so tired from the night before. After dinner at Red Robin, I stopped by my brother's apartment and came home. Now I'm writing. After last night and today, I've had a bit of a revelation and I'm more positive of what I want in my future. My life is starting to take a better direction and things are fun like they were months ago. I'm playing guitar again, and tomorrow I have my trial martial arts class. I'm loving it all again, for the first time. There's just one hole missing really, and now I have part of the answer to it. Ergo, the following is written about it:
I wish it was you. Those dances, that touch, that girl in my arms. I wish it was you. Those talks, the dinners, the walks, the drinks. I wish it was you. The joy, the hurt, the laughs, the tears. I wish it was you. I feel like I've wasted my time, giving my heart away, feeling for the wrong people, tearing myself up over tiny things, losing myself and my way over people that would never care. I wish I had given it all to you.
I don't know yet who that "you" is, or maybe I do. However, that's what I want to tell her when I find her. All those dances, the touches, the hugs, the holding hands, the dinners, the outings, the talks over coffee, and so much other time I've spent with other girls that have broken me and left me scarred, I wish I spent it with her instead. I've gotten so excited over a glance or a touch or a dance, with people that would never say a word to me again. When I find her, I will give her all that and so much more that I've held back all this time. As crazy and dopey as it may sound, that's the life and the future I see for me now. That's who I want to be for the person I find. Chivalry and romanticism will live on...
God be with us, God help us.
PS- THANK YOU!
I wish it was you. Those dances, that touch, that girl in my arms. I wish it was you. Those talks, the dinners, the walks, the drinks. I wish it was you. The joy, the hurt, the laughs, the tears. I wish it was you. I feel like I've wasted my time, giving my heart away, feeling for the wrong people, tearing myself up over tiny things, losing myself and my way over people that would never care. I wish I had given it all to you.
I don't know yet who that "you" is, or maybe I do. However, that's what I want to tell her when I find her. All those dances, the touches, the hugs, the holding hands, the dinners, the outings, the talks over coffee, and so much other time I've spent with other girls that have broken me and left me scarred, I wish I spent it with her instead. I've gotten so excited over a glance or a touch or a dance, with people that would never say a word to me again. When I find her, I will give her all that and so much more that I've held back all this time. As crazy and dopey as it may sound, that's the life and the future I see for me now. That's who I want to be for the person I find. Chivalry and romanticism will live on...
God be with us, God help us.
PS- THANK YOU!