It's strange...
I'm in Long Island with my parents and my niece Rachel, we're visiting my sister and her husband, and of course my other niece, Emily. I love coming here to see them, but the strangest thing, about an hour into the drive down here I realized that I didn't want to go. I just want to be at home, and I have no idea why. I used to crave the ability to escape from Buffalo, even for short amounts of time, but for some reason, this time, I just feel so lost not being home. I've felt miserable since we left. I feel empty. I wish I knew why, but at this moment, my only desire is to be at home. But, I'm here until Thursday, this could potentially be a very long, very miserable trip for me. I'm trying my best not to let my feelings show around my family, cause this is supposed to be a fun week, a chance to visit my sister. I don't want to chance ruining this trip for the rest of my family. I can't figure this out, is it selfish of me to hide my feelings and not let my family see how I really feel? Or is it selfless to do so in the hopes that I don't ruin the trip for them?
It's hard, hiding my feelings, it used to come so naturally to me, no one ever really knew how I felt or what was on my mind, it used to be so easy for me to make people that that I was happy when I wasn't, that I was having fun when, in reality, I was miserable. It's weird how people change. We learn new things, we gain new abilities, but at the same time, it seems we lose some of the abilities that we mastered earlier in life. I used to be so proud of the fact that I could hide everything about myself from anyone. I'm not sure if I should of been or not. And now I'm not sure if I'm proud of the fact that I let people in so easily, I don't know if I like it or not.
It's hard, hiding my feelings, it used to come so naturally to me, no one ever really knew how I felt or what was on my mind, it used to be so easy for me to make people that that I was happy when I wasn't, that I was having fun when, in reality, I was miserable. It's weird how people change. We learn new things, we gain new abilities, but at the same time, it seems we lose some of the abilities that we mastered earlier in life. I used to be so proud of the fact that I could hide everything about myself from anyone. I'm not sure if I should of been or not. And now I'm not sure if I'm proud of the fact that I let people in so easily, I don't know if I like it or not.