Always Second Best

[youngfreak92]

Title: Always Second Best
Author: YoungFreak92
Beta: ace_of_spades6
Fandom: House MD
Rating: G
Genre: Drama/General
Pairing: Julie/Wilson and House/Wilson pre-slash
Setting: Stretches from a few years prior the series to the middle of S2
Wordcount: 4 326
Disclaimer: I do not own House MD or the characters.
Summary: In which Julie tells the story from her point of view.
Author's Note: I wrote this story alongside Dreaming In RBG-Color, so that's the reason why they are published so close to each other. This is a lot darker than my previous fic, though I wasn't aiming for angst. I was trying to make it more "apathetically morose", or something like that. But what do I know, maybe it's a major angst-trip - my perspectives are so screwed-up that I have no idea. Also, I tried a different writing style this time, and I'm curious to know if it worked or not. Personally I'm not sure what to think of this fic. The beginning seems a little off to me, but I like the middle and the end, so... Meh. And as a side note, I want all of you to know that Julie is terrible to write, because she is basically an OC. She doesn't have a personality or back-story, so I had to make something up. Which I am horrible at, I might add. I hope that she isn't totally Mary Sue-ish or an utter bitch. The only red line I had when I wrote her character was that I wanted her to be human. After all, Wilson did marry her, so he must like her somewhat. Gah, now I'm babbling again. I'm sorry about that. So now, I hope you enjoy the fic!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Julie is glad she met James. She really needs someone who's there for her right now. Her father recently passed away due to his cancer and her boyfriend broke up with her not long ago. She remembers the very first time she met James well. They just talked, mostly about trivial things. It was sometime after her boyfriend's leave, and she was slightly paranoid over a man’s intentions. But James was nice. He was kind and funny, very gentle. She still hadn't been able to let go of the feeling that they might be flirting, and told James that she's just had a bad break-up and hoped he would take the hint. She never found out if he did though. James just nodded slowly and said "Same here". Then he looked at her and asked if she wanted to talk about it. Julie remembered that especially well, James' head was slightly tilted. Serious, warm eyes filled with concern. He was the first person she told about what she felt about the break-up.

They are friends, just friends. They go to plays, movies and basically everything. It feels nice. She doesn't have to prepare herself for hours. She doesn't have to be nervous about giving a bad impression. She can relax and enjoy herself. Julie already knows she will fall in love with James.

~*~*~*~

James said that they could meet at his place. Julie is both nervous and excited. She stands in front of James' apartment, unsure of what to do. Her stomach is a knot and her breathing is quicker as usual. She hears noise on the other side of the door. It's muffled, but she can make out two male voices. One is James', the other is a slightly lighter and much hoarser voice she's never heard before.

"Get out of here now, she'll be here any minute," she hears James say, his tone slightly stressed. The knot in Julie's stomach tightens.

"I said that I would leave when I've met her," the other man says, sounding neutral but caustic at the same time. Julie frowns slightly. It sounds like they are arguing.

"Don't you have a case or something?" James says with a slightly defeated tone of voice. She hears that he knows it's futile.

"Nope. Cuddy hasn’t found anything interesting enough yet," the other man says. James sighs. Julie wonders who the other man is.

"So you have nothing better to do than humiliate me and scar an innocent woman for life with your verbal abuse?" James asks, sounding frustrated but calm. Julie is confused.

"'Course I do, just nothing that's funnier," the other man answers, sounding falsely cheerful. Julie takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. James curses.

"Damn, she's here! House, behave yourself," he says, his tone warning. "House? What are you... Oh, hell no," he continues, stressed. The door opens, but it's not James who is looking at her. It's the other man in the apartment. He is tall and looks rather unkempt. He is older than James, and has remarkably blue eyes. She looks down quickly. The man has a cane. She looks up again. The man has to be the Dr. Greg House who James had told her about. But it can't be. James had said that House was his friend. The two men hadn't acted very friendly. She feels unnerved. House is filling up most of the door-frame on purpose and he is staring at her sternly. She doesn't have to be psychic to know that he doesn't like her. She wonders what she has done wrong.

"Julie," she hears James' say form somewhere behind the other man. His voice is a bit strained. "This is Gregory House. House, Julie Shore. Now move out of the way," he continues. His voice sounds almost demanding at the last part. House gives her a final look of disdain before turning around. Julie feels both offended and insecure. House takes a few steps into the apartment, but James grips his shoulder.

"House was just going to leave," James says, looking at House as if challenging him. House meets James' eyes. They look at each other for two seconds. Julie isn't sure of what they are doing. She doesn't have time to read their eyes. House looks away and huffs. She doesn't know what had happened between the two men. She just knows that it feels like she has missed a big part of a conversation. House turns once again but this time he reaches for his coat. When he passes Julie he leers falsely at her.

"You better be careful. Jimmy takes everything you say and do as an invitation to sex," he tells her, winks and then limps away. Julie stares at House's back before looking at James. James is pinching the bridge of his nose and is taking deep breaths.

"Really, I don't..." he mutters before sighing. He looks up and smiles apologetically. "I'm sorry. He is a jerk, I should have made him leave earlier," he says, looking a bit ashamed. Julie shakes her head and smiles.

"It's okay. I was just... surprised," she says. James nods, looking down.

"It's a common reaction to House," he says, a small smile tugging at his lips. It looks private. She goes inside and closes the door behind her.

They don't talk anymore about House. They actually don't talk much at all. Julie manages to get James into bed before an hour has passed.

~*~*~*~

Julie dislikes Dr. House almost instantly. She knows he hated her before he even met her. What she doesn't know is why. She knows very well why she hates Dr. House, though. Dr. House is caustic and vile. He won't be quiet, and every time he opens his mouth a sly snide-remark or a sarcastic insult come out. He makes crude jokes about others. He ignores all social rules. He seems to get kicks out of shocking people. He enjoys messing with people's minds. He is selfish. He acts like a child. He is evil. Every time he sees Julie he insults her. And stares at her with his creepy eyes. She hates those eyes. They are cold like steel and penetrating. Filled with sorrow and pain. If Dr. House hadn't been such a terrible person, she might have felt sorry for him. But she doesn't. She does not feel sorry for the man who hates her. Not for the man who always insults and embarrass her in front of James. James. Julie doesn't understand how her gentle James puts up with him. Willingly spends time with him. That is another thing Julie hates about Dr. House. He treats James like dirt. He makes James buy things for him. He makes James do things for him. He embarrasses James just for the sake of it. James bends himself backwards for his friend but Dr. House gives nothing in return. Julie doesn't understand how James can give Dr. House his warmest, earnest, most private smile with warm, loving eyes. James never looks at her like that.

~*~*~*~

It is a beautiful wedding. James had been nervous about it, mumbling something about it being a bit embarrassing about being married for a third time. She just laughed at him. Her mother had given her a look when she told her about getting married to James. Julie promptly ignored it. Her sister had warned her about James' reputation. Julie ignored her too. She isn't worried about anything. This is the best thing she has ever done in her life. Everything is perfect. Except for one thing. Dr. House. James had insisted on Dr. House being his best man. If Julie had had her way, she'd refuse Dr. House admittance to the ceremony. But James had just looked at her with his eyes. His dark, disappointed eyes. She had consented. She just hopes that Dr. House won't ruin the ceremony by being himself.

Julie is genuinely surprised over how well Dr. House behaves himself. The ceremony itself went without a hitch. No snide remarks. No insults. No shocking or inappropriate comments. No nothing. The man had been faultless. It unnerves her. Still, he had done something that had annoyed her. But she was sure she just had imagined it. And even if she didn't, it doesn't matter. There is no point feeling jealous over the look James and his friend had shared. It only lasted for a second at most. Dr. House was just assuring James that he was making the right choice, that's all. Nothing more, nothing less. She was just imagining seeing a short flicker of hurt shine up in the blue eyes, as well as the regret in the dark ones. Just her imagination. Fictional concept. Not real. She is married, she should be happy. She is happy. They are at the fancy restaurant now. Toasts are raised in their honor and speeches are told. James is smiling and laughing, being even more charming and pleasant than usual. Everything is perfect. It doesn't matter that James' eyes seek the ones of Dr. House a little too often. It doesn't matter that James' looks both happy and pained when they get contact. She is only imagining things. Fictional concepts. Not real. She ignores the glares of disdain and loathing she gets from ice-blue eyes across the table.

~*~*~*~

It is late afternoon. James came home a while ago, and they've had dinner. Julie has just cleared the table, along with James' help, when James speaks.

"House asked me to come over tonight. Is it okay? I'll promise to be home by nine," he says, looking at her with his dark eyes. They are not pleading or begging, just mildly wondering. Julie looks at him. She ponders a few seconds, and then a small smile tugs at her lips.

"Of course. He is your friend," she says and James smiles at her. He leans forward and kisses her cheek.

"Thanks," he says smiling and heads towards the door.

James is home ten past nine and apologizes for being late. Julie laughs at him and says he's just being silly.

~*~*~*~

It's almost five in the afternoon when James calls her.

"Hi Julie. I'm just wondering, is it okay if I stay with House for a while after work?" he asks. His voice is warm and affectionate, just like his eyes.

"Sure. When do you think you'll be home?" Julie asks, writing something in her notebook.

"Sometime around eight," James answers. "Thanks, Julie. Bye".

"Bye James".

James comes home half past eight, apologizing and saying that traffic was horrible. Julie smiles at him and says it's okay.

~*~*~*~

Julie hears her cell-phone ringing and excuses herself. Turning away a bit from the café-table, she digs out her phone from her purse. She's got a SMS. From James.
I'll be over at House's for a while. I'll be home by nine it says. Julie nods although she knows James can't see her. She quickly types Okay and sends it to him. She puts the cell-phone back into her purse and turns towards her friends again.

James comes home a little past ten. He mutters something about traffic and apologizes. Julie nods shortly and goes to bed.

~*~*~*~

It is one of James' rare days off. Julie has made plans for this day weeks beforehand. She wants to get as much out of the small amount of time she has with her husband. It's not James' fault that they spend so little time together, absolutely not. James' is a doctor, department-head of Oncology at Princeton-Plainsborough Teaching Hospital even. So it's not James' fault that they don't see each other so much. That is why she wants to make the most out the day. But things don’t go exactly as planned. Ever since morning, James has seemed a little distracted and troubled. It only gets worse as the day goes on. By three in the afternoon he sighs heavily and abruptly raises himself from the couch where they're sitting. Julie looks away from the movie and up at him, surprised.

"James? What's wrong?" she asks worriedly. He heads towards the front door.

"House wasn't feeling very well when he went home yesterday. His leg seemed to be worse than usual," James explains as he reaches for his coat. "And he hasn't stopped by today or called me," he goes on. He reaches for his cell-phone and wallet and put them in one of the coat's pockets. 'Thank God for that,' Julie thinks but doesn't say it out loud.

"So what are you going to do? Visit him, now?" she says instead, her tone bitter. James turns around slightly and looks at her. His dark eyes are apologizing.

"He might be in trouble," he says, pleading with both his voice and his eyes. James' obviously has quails of consciences, but Julie is angry.

"And how do you know that?" she snaps. James flinches and looks at her with sad eyes. Julie feels a twinge of guilt. She almost regrets her outburst. Dr. House is severely handicapped. And that he is James' best friend. She knows that. She just doesn't want to admit that she is jealous. Not even to herself. She sighs and waves her hand slightly, signaling both an apology and that it's okay. James looks relieved and a thankful smile tugs at his lips.

"Thanks. I'll be home by dinner," he says as he opens the door and walks out. As the door closes, Julie can't help but feeling abandoned.

The phone rings three hours later. Julie is slightly irritated as she picks it up, her face in a frown. James was supposed to be home by an hour ago.

"Julie, I'm sorry but I can't come home right now. House's leg is killing him, he's a wreck," James says before she even has time to open her mouth. "I'll be home late tonight, probably past twelve, so don't stay up and wait for me, okay?" he continues, his voice rasp with tiredness and with a touch of guilt. She blinks and then opens her mouth, just to close it a second later. After a few seconds she manages to croak out an "Okay".

"Good. Night, Julie," James says, sounding distracted and hangs up before she has a chance to reply. Julie hangs up slowly, staring at the phone. She wonders if it will melt if she stares at it long enough.

Julie doesn't know when James came home. She goes to bed at twelve when she has grown tired of waiting. When she wakes up James is sleeping beside her.

~*~*~*~

Sometimes Dr. Gregory House shows up at their house. He never stays though. He only knocks on the door until someone opens, demands to see James and then leaves with James in a tow. Julie often wonders why James never refuses to follow. It doesn't matter how outrageous the reason is - "I'm hungry. Buy me something", "I'm bored", "I want someone to drink with" - James always goes out with Dr. Gregory House. It hurts her deeply, but what's even worse is the look James gets when he sees his friend. His dark eyes lit up, glitter, and he smiles warmly. He looks like one's supposed to do when a person one holds very dear enters the room. That look cuts Julie to the bone.

~*~*~*~

James has a photo on his bedside table. There are a lot of photos in the many rooms of the house, but James only keep one on his bedside table. The frame is simple, made of just thin black plastic and cheap wood on the backside. The photo is somewhat old, and despite it being behind glass the edges are slightly fuzzy and the upper left corner has been folded. It's not even a good photo. The view is titling a bit and the composition is awful. The room it portraits is dark except from a harsh bright light somewhere out of sight, probably a TV, giving the photo sharp contrasts. But it's not the quality of the photo which is important, it's the motive. It shows a leather couch, a table that even when it only visible in the lower right edge of the photo obviously is covered in take-away cartons, empty beer cans and magazines. And it shows a few years younger version of James and Dr. Gregory House, asleep side by side on the couch. They are not touching, not at all, James' head is just tilting slightly towards the other man, and it's strange that they're not touching because their arms and legs are everywhere on the couch, the table, the floor. They are not touching but they might as well have been entangled like young lovers. The two men seem incredibly intimate. And despite the lousy lightning, one can see a small content smile tugging at James' lips and the other man actually doesn't look hostile. Julie hates this picture. She once asked James about it, and his eyes lit up like she had pushed a button. James' eyes were glowing with warmth and happiness and nostalgia and hint of grief when he told her about a night many years ago. How Dr. Gregory House's girlfriend had been over at a friend's place and how James' had kept the other man company. How they had fallen asleep in front of the TV and how the girlfriend had taken a quick picture before waking them up. James often looks at the photo. Some days he gives it a quick glance and his eyes start to glitter and a warm smile tugs at his lips. Other days he sits on the edge of the bed and stares at it while he is lost in thought with a fixed expression on his face. Most days Julie wants to throw the photo out the window.

~*~*~*~

"How are things with James?" Sarah, one of Julie's friends, asks as she lights her cigarette. She looks both interested and uninterested at the same time. Julie looks at her and tries to smile.

"Great," she lies. "Or rather as great as it can be," she quickly corrects herself, looking down at her lap. Sarah raises an eyebrow.

"As great as it can be?" she repeats, disbelieving. "What, is he having an affair with a nurse or something?" she asks incredulously. Julies head snaps up, looking scandalized.

"Absolutely not! James isn't cheating, it's just..." she starts but trails off, searching for the right words. Sarah looks at her, waiting for the rest of the answer. Julie sighs. "It's just that he has such a busy job, and he hangs out with that man so much," she continues, looking up at the sky. She refuses to use Dr. Gregory House's name. Sarah shrugs.

"Maybe he's gay and is having an affair with his friend," she says and also looks up, smoke trailing out of her mouth. Julie's face hardens. Sarah is a rather cynical person, she is just being sarcastic. There is no basis for what she just said. Not even an ounce of proof. That is what Julie tells herself as she tries to block out the voice of doubt.

~*~*~*~

Sometimes James comes home late in the evening. Those times he smells of coffee, looks tired and worn out but his appearance is still as immaculate as ever. Those nights he sleeps in the middle of the bed, close to Julie. Other times James comes home late at night, smelling of beer and take-away, his clothes disheveled and he looks happy and satisfied despite being tired. Those nights he sleeps on the edge of the bed, facing the bedside table. Those nights Julie wants to cry.

~*~*~*~

Julie puts down the knife and fork but doesn't lift her gaze from her plate. It only takes James a few seconds to put his own away and look at her bowed head. When she doesn't say anything he frowns slightly.

"Julie? Is something wrong?" he asks, sounding vaguely confused. Julie takes a deep breath and looks up, meeting James' eyes.

"Are you sleeping with House?" she asks, her tone flat but her eyes an inferno of hurt, fear, jealousy and anger. A noisy silence falls over the room. James' eyes widen. He stares at her. He opens his mouth but closes it again. He blinks. He looks dumbfounded.

"What?" he croaks after too many seconds, confusion and disbelief written all over his face. Julie doesn't repeat herself. She keeps on staring at her husband. James lets out a short chuckle of shock and disbelief and looks away. He looks back at Julie. Neither of them says anything. A smile of disbelief is tugging at the corner of James' lips.

"No," he finally says, looking her straight in the eyes. His tone is honest and definite, unwavering. Julie's eyes flare. She opens her mouth and protests and accusations pour out. James' eyes harden.

"Don't," he says, his voice stern. Julie stops as if he had hit her. She glares at him. James looks away and sighs. "Just... don't. I don't want to talk about it," he continues, casting a glance at Julie. She isn't looking at him. He leaves the table and walks out the front door. Julie's gaze is fixed at her lap. She is considering hurting Dr. Gregory House very, very seriously.

~*~*~*~

Lately, James doesn't even tell her when he'll come home. He doesn't call when he's at work saying that he'll be home late. He doesn't apologize when he comes home late at night. Sometimes he doesn't come home at all. Julie isn't sure what upsets her most - the fact that James no longer seems to care or that she doesn't care.

~*~*~*~

Julie excuses herself when the phone rings. The guests don't seem annoyed with the interruption, of which Julie is grateful for. She picks up the phone and feels a flash of anger when she sees the number. It's James' cell-phone number. She hits the answering button, but James starts to talk before she even has a chance to say anything.

"I don't think I'll be coming home today. Tell the others I'm sorry," James says, his voice strained and tired, and hangs up. Julie stares at an invisible spot before her as she hears the beeps from the phone. She slowly lowers the hand that holds it and shakily hits the off-button. The beeping stops. She looks down at the object, seeing that her hand is trembling slightly. James didn't say why he wouldn't come home, but she doesn't need to hear it. She already knows. It's not an urgent patient-crisis, it's not that he has his hands full at the hospital. It's not even remotely connected with James' work. It's That Man. She has been worried about it, been having paranoid thoughts and inklings about it, but now it had actually happened. James had chosen That Man over her. On Christmas, even. Refusing to cry, she puts on a smile she hopes doesn't look entirely fake and goes back to the living room to tell the guests that one of James' patients has had an urgent relapse.

~*~*~*~

James excuses himself when his cell-phone starts to ring. He leaves the table and goes into the kitchen. Sarah and her husband don’t seem bothered by the interruption. Julie hopes with all her heart that it is the hospital calling, but she knows it isn't. If it was the hospital it would be a page. She is proven right when James exits the kitchen with an apologetic expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," he says as he heads towards the door. He looks sincerely guilty, but Julie knows that he wouldn't look nearly as apologetic if they didn't have company. As he exits the door Sarah looks at her with a raised eyebrow. Julie has to fight back the urge to cry. She plays the role of a good hostess for the rest of the night.

It takes almost two hours before James comes back. He apologizes, but mostly to Sarah and her husband. He doesn't look Julie in the eyes for the rest of the evening.

~*~*~*~

Julie doesn't remember the last time James told her he loved her. Or the last time she told that to him. They barely even touch each anymore, and they sleep on each side of the bed. Her marriage is dying before her eyes, but she only feels numbness inside. That makes her want to cry more than anything else.

~*~*~*~

The reason Julie started the affair with Philip in the first place was that she longed for the affection and attention James no longer gave her, and that she wanted to see if James would even react. He doesn't. When she confesses the affair he just looks at her, his face blank. The only emotion she sees is the slight guilt in his eyes. She thought there would be plates flying and angry shouting, but the silence isn't surprising her either. Finally, James does something. He sighs and looks down at his shoes. Without a word he heads towards the - the, not their - bedroom. Julie goes to the living-room and turns on the TV. Ten minutes later James comes out from the bedroom, a suitcase by his side. Julie looks up but doesn't move from the couch. James meets her eyes and they look at each other. There is no anger present, just sadness, betrayal and apathy. James is the one who looks away first and he heads towards the front door. None of them say anything. Julie doesn't ask James why. She already knows. James doesn't ask Julie why. He already knows. Julie doesn't ask where James is going and he doesn't tell her. They both already know.