Thinking about broccoli
I stumbled across this post by gwyn_r earlier today. It talks about a theory called "the broccoli test," which states that some relationships reach a level of communication where one can communicate to another via some subtle gesture that they want them to pick up some broccoli. To wit: "As legend, and my mind filling in blanks, would tell it, Sandy and C were at the grocery store, on opposite ends of the produce section, and Sandy was trying to tell C to pick up some broccoli without shouting across the store at her. No amount of pantomiming and mouthing of the words could get the point across to C, and Sandy apparently told her (we were all in the midst of Professionals-mania then), "Doyle would have known Bodie wanted him to pick up some broccoli with just a raise of his eyebrow!" or something like that. Hence, Bodie and Doyle would have passed the broccoli test."
Which of your favorite characters pass the broccoli test, and which don't? My thoughts below the cut.
Josh and Donna pass it. Well, sort of. Any Sorkin characters run the risk of the asker just exploding with, "Pick up some broccoli while you're over there!" (The female character has the option of adding "you idiot" to this sentence. Casey and Dana are particularly guilty of this.) This outburst is immediately followed by apologies to fellow shoppers, who give the couple weird looks and move on. But more likely is this scenario:
"Broccoli? I didn't buy any broccoli."
"I did."
"When?"
"When I was grabbing salad dressing."
"I don't eat broccoli."
"You should, it's good for you."
"Donna --"
"It is! Broccoli contains 150% of the daily required serving of vitamin C, and has also been shown to prevent certain types of cancer."
"As grateful as I am for your increasingly disturbing knowledge of vegetables, you're forgetting that I don't like broccoli."
"Yeah, but you're gonna eat it."
"Am I."
"Uh-huh."
"And why would I do this?"
"'Cause CJ's coming over for dinner on Thursday and if you don't eat your broccoli she's gonna kick your ass for not showing an appropriate level of affection for brassica oleracea."
"Was that the --"
"That's the species name of broccoli, yes."
"Whatever. Hey, do we have any orange juice left?"
"In back, on the bottom shelf."
"Why do we always -- ow!"
"We keep the orange juice on the bottom shelf, Josh, so that maybe eventually you'll remember that you're supposed to bend at the knees when you reach down to get things."
"And yet, in the three years you've been stocking my fridge, it's never happened."
"Yes, but how long did it take for you to learn how to make your own coffee?"
... Well, that got a little away from me. CJ and Danny, of course, would have a conversation after the fact, with CJ freaking out over not knowing Danny wanted the broccoli and Danny explaining that that was okay, because they're working on it. (Toby would, of course, buy a broccoli farm for Andi, but she'd just give him a look for being ridiculous.)
Mal and Inara, alas, don't come even close to passing the test. Even when in the midst of The Broccoli Caper, they keep arguing about whether Mal's emphatic blinking was a signal or just him getting sand in his eye.
Wash always gets the broccoli, even if he's on the entire opposite end of the store the whole time. Zoe just gives him a look, but she has to admit that he somehow figured out a way to make it last the five day trip to Penelope.
Ron and Hermione have the same tendency as Sorkin characters -- that is, to explode at the other person rather than to forgo the broccoli. But in their case, the broccoli will probably later be angrily eaten by one or the other until they get into another argument about why the broccoli was so important that Hermione had to yell about it from all the way over there when she could have just come over there and gotten it herself. Yes, she was arguing with the butcher about the Christmas turkey, but that's not the point!
Kel would buy the broccoli herself, and then be surprised when she showed up for the Knight Reunion Dinner to find that everyone else had bought vegetables, thinking she'd yell at them if they didn't.
In other fandom discussions: Which Whedon production does your presidential candidate resemble?
Which of your favorite characters pass the broccoli test, and which don't? My thoughts below the cut.
Josh and Donna pass it. Well, sort of. Any Sorkin characters run the risk of the asker just exploding with, "Pick up some broccoli while you're over there!" (The female character has the option of adding "you idiot" to this sentence. Casey and Dana are particularly guilty of this.) This outburst is immediately followed by apologies to fellow shoppers, who give the couple weird looks and move on. But more likely is this scenario:
"Broccoli? I didn't buy any broccoli."
"I did."
"When?"
"When I was grabbing salad dressing."
"I don't eat broccoli."
"You should, it's good for you."
"Donna --"
"It is! Broccoli contains 150% of the daily required serving of vitamin C, and has also been shown to prevent certain types of cancer."
"As grateful as I am for your increasingly disturbing knowledge of vegetables, you're forgetting that I don't like broccoli."
"Yeah, but you're gonna eat it."
"Am I."
"Uh-huh."
"And why would I do this?"
"'Cause CJ's coming over for dinner on Thursday and if you don't eat your broccoli she's gonna kick your ass for not showing an appropriate level of affection for brassica oleracea."
"Was that the --"
"That's the species name of broccoli, yes."
"Whatever. Hey, do we have any orange juice left?"
"In back, on the bottom shelf."
"Why do we always -- ow!"
"We keep the orange juice on the bottom shelf, Josh, so that maybe eventually you'll remember that you're supposed to bend at the knees when you reach down to get things."
"And yet, in the three years you've been stocking my fridge, it's never happened."
"Yes, but how long did it take for you to learn how to make your own coffee?"
... Well, that got a little away from me. CJ and Danny, of course, would have a conversation after the fact, with CJ freaking out over not knowing Danny wanted the broccoli and Danny explaining that that was okay, because they're working on it. (Toby would, of course, buy a broccoli farm for Andi, but she'd just give him a look for being ridiculous.)
Mal and Inara, alas, don't come even close to passing the test. Even when in the midst of The Broccoli Caper, they keep arguing about whether Mal's emphatic blinking was a signal or just him getting sand in his eye.
Wash always gets the broccoli, even if he's on the entire opposite end of the store the whole time. Zoe just gives him a look, but she has to admit that he somehow figured out a way to make it last the five day trip to Penelope.
Ron and Hermione have the same tendency as Sorkin characters -- that is, to explode at the other person rather than to forgo the broccoli. But in their case, the broccoli will probably later be angrily eaten by one or the other until they get into another argument about why the broccoli was so important that Hermione had to yell about it from all the way over there when she could have just come over there and gotten it herself. Yes, she was arguing with the butcher about the Christmas turkey, but that's not the point!
Kel would buy the broccoli herself, and then be surprised when she showed up for the Knight Reunion Dinner to find that everyone else had bought vegetables, thinking she'd yell at them if they didn't.
In other fandom discussions: Which Whedon production does your presidential candidate resemble?