Fic/ The Process
Title: The Process
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for cursing and disturbing content
Parings: Billy/Teddy, Cassie/Vision, Eli/Kate, Kate/Tommy if you squint
Summary: Everyone goes through grief in their own way. A major loss among the Young Avengers forces the team to face the issue... or not.
Notes: Posted for kaciart’s birthday. Back in December I had started writing a fic about grief since i was in the middle of grieving over someone. I thought of the Young Avengers. I never had to motivation to finish until recently. Constructive criticism is always welcomed.
The Process
***
Crying
“Cassie?”
“...Y-Yeah.”
“...I am sorry for your loss.”
“Silly... You lost someo-one, too.”
“Yes, but all the same-”
“Jonas?”
“Yes?”
“Come h-here.”
“Cassie, wh-”
“...Just l-let go, ok-kay?”
“This... this really isn't necessary.”
“Is too... People are supposed to hu-hug you when you're ups-set.”
“Your breathing is irregular and you are hiccuping from crying. You are the one in need of consoling.”
“N-not true. He... He was your friend, too.”
“... Yes. Yes he was.”
***
Anger
Eli did what he did best when everything settled in, when the news finally came together in his head. He got angry.
He was a professional in the ways of bitterness, a master of the blame game. He knew how to resent things, and after it all came together that this was really happening, that it wasn't some twisted nightmare, he resented just about everything. And everyone.
He hated how Cassie couldn't stop sobbing every time someone said that name, how Tommy didn't say a damn word to any of them and just left.
Right now, he hated how Kate could just walk around like this didn't matter. Hated the way she was spraying polish on the wooden table and wiping it even though she'd gotten that spot three times before.
He was watched her move around the room with narrowed eyes, judging her as she laid the sheets out the way she knew they were expected, as she adjusted the action figures that had fallen to the floor days ago back along the self the way they were set up before, as she-
“Kate. Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
Her hands were grabbed roughly as Eli came up behind her and forced her around to face him. “Stop everything for a few seconds and think about how stupid this is!” He yelled.
Kate frowned and shoved him away. “It's not stupid. It's called cleaning. And it's appreciated by most people.”
“It's appreciated by most living people and in case you had forgotten-”
“Don't say it,” Kate growled lowly.
“What, the truth?” Eli challenged, glaring. “He's dead, Kate. Gone. As in never going to see another day again. As in can no longer care about how his room looks. So what's the point in fixing it up?”
Kate didn't answer. Her frame was shaking though. Had Eli been in the right state of mind, he would have stopped himself there. He couldn't.
“How can you act like this is just another day? Like he's on vacation and somehow, someway he'll come back and thank you for cleaning up his stuff. I've got news for you, it's not happening. Doesn't any of this mean anything to you?”
“Eli...”
“And what good is any of that now? Why bother tidying up the place when there's no one coming back-”
“BECAUSE I HAVE TO, DAMMIT!”
The tirade Eli was on died following Kate's shriek.
“I don't have a choice, Eli!!! I mean, for God's sake I'm only seventeen, but I have to act like I'm thirty, because no one else can! Because who the hell's going to get things done around here, huh? Who's going to guide everyone while you're sitting around being pissed at the world or while Cassie's sobbing her eyes out? Or while Vision is running headquarters?”
Kate slammed the can of wood cleaner against the desk and snarled before Eli can interrupt again, tears of frustration and hurt finally breaking free.
“And who's going to help the Kaplans arrange the funeral while the so-called adults known as the Avengers, the X-Men, and the Maximoff family are busy making sure the Scarlet Witch doesn't have another melt down? Who's going to take care of people and look after them while Tommy's missing in action and Teddy's walking aimlessly like his entire world just shattered around him? Come on, Eli. Answer me! Because I don't see anyone stepping up to the plate and just doing it. OK? So guess who that leaves? Guess who once again has to take the bull by the horns and get impaled while everyone else jumps out of the pen?”
Eli moved his mouth, but nothing came out. Kate just laughed dryly. “Me. Like always. It all falls on me.”
Eli swallowed down the burning in his throat, watched as Kate continued to laugh and sob in front of him. “Kate-”
“Ironic, isn't it?” She murmurs now, through her laughter, furiously wiping her face. “The wealthy Kate Bishop, the source of the young Avenger's financial stability and regulation doesn't even have the luxury to morn for someone she loved.”
“Kate...” Eli walked toward her again, hands reaching out to touch her, but she moved aside and waved it off. Eli froze and drew back, looking down. “Kate, I'm sorry.”
“I know,” She acknowledged grimly, sniffing and brushing her hair out of her face. The blue of her eyes were glassy with tears and the whites around them shaded red. “You always are. And I already forgive you... But I'm done doing it for both of us. You have to start forgiving yourself.”
She didn't wait for him to respond before she headed for the door, pausing at the frame with her back to Eli. When she spoke, her voice left no room for argument. “I won't be home for dinner.”
And then he was alone. Alone in Billy's room. Alone with his thoughts. With his memories-
“You really need to quit punishing yourself,” Billy shrugs. “I'm not a psychologist- I could refer you to my mom, if you want-, but even I know holding that much guilt in will eventually drive you crazy. Doesn't help that it drives others away, too.”
For the first time since he got the news of his friend's death, Eli fell to the floor and wept.
***
Release
Tommy wasn't the emotional type. He handled the news by doing what he did best.
He ran.
He'd started running as soon as he was alone, almost an hour after the fact. He started in downtown Manhattan. He stared at the people and buildings and other objects around him and wondered why they were moving in slow motion more so than usual.
So he ran. And ran far. And didn't stop.
Didn't stop when he felt the temperature change or noticed the timezones were all blurred together, how night became day and back into night.
Trees, beaches, deserts, forests, plains, ice, traffic, isolation-
Tommy was always alone. Always. His parents hated him... His father left because of him. His mother despised him.
“I hate you! I hate you! You're not my son. There no way I could have given birth to something like you!. You're nothing but a freak!!!”
Tommy squeezed his eyes and accelerated.
“Your abilities are quite … amazing, Mr. Shepard. We don't want you to waste those talents by simply blowing up schools.”
He felt his heart pound against his chest, pounding harder than his feet against the concrete- no snow- no dirt-
“You can be the key, Thomas. You and the others here... We want to harness that power.”
“No.”
“Use it.”
“No!!!”
Always alone. Not even the teens locked up with him could break through...
And the first person to give him a reason not to feel so alone... The first person he saw when he was saved from that hell-on-earth facility they masked as a prison-
He felt the peak of his energy snap and screamed.
And the world was still.
Tommy panted, stared blankly into the darkness, everything was far too still here.
And he wasn't alone.
Kate stood up from the marble bench she was sitting on and folded her arms. She wasn't frowning. He wished she was. Tommy liked it when she was mad. This look she had on now... He looked away.
“How'd you know I'd be here?”
“I didn't. I just wanted to get away,” she walked over to to him, but he couldn't meet her eyes, his own fixed to the ground. “So did you.”
Tommy stared at the remains of Avenger's headquarters, then back to the statues around him. There was a new one...
“Who-”
“The Scarlet Witch,” Kate answered looking up with him. “She's not going to destroy the world... She's going to grieve in peace. She just wanted to make this for him... And she wants to see you.”
He swallowed. “...Why?”
“Because she loves you, Tommy. You're all she has, now.”
Tommy gritted his teeth. “I could have saved him...”
Kate's hands grab his face, forced him to meet her eyes. “Don't. Don't start blaming yourself. No one could have helped him. He... He knew what he was doing. He wanted to save us. He was hero, Tommy...”
“A hero...” That statue of him looks so real... It's his face mirrored, marble cape frozen in a fake breeze. Tommy chokes. “Dammit Kaplan.”
Kate shushed him, but Tommy yelled, and pulled away.
“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, KAPLAN!!! You drag me out of juvie, fucking make me believe that we're somehow related. Make me meet some woman who supposedly lost her mind over me and now she's lost you twice?”
Something exploded on the ground. Then another explosion. Then another. Then-
Then Kate held him.
Tommy shook and fell forward, buried his head into her neck and sobbed.
“Billy...”
“Shhhhh,” Kate whispered, holding him as he clutched back, her body keeping his from slumping to the ground.
Billy's statue held it's pose, hands forming unseen balls of energy, smiling...
***
Denial
Everyone was waiting for Teddy to flip. Everyone. Or they were waiting for him to cry.
Scary enough, Tommy was the only one to guess that Teddy wasn't going to any of those things. At least not for a long time.
And he was right.
Two weeks after the fact, Teddy hadn't cried or yelled. He hadn't felt the need to distract himself or release any pent up energy. Life through Teddy's eyes was distorted in a disturbingly different way.
The shock hadn't worn off. And for most, reality would start to sink in after the first two days or so. But for the last 14, Teddy had it in his head that nothing really changed.
It was all an act. Billy must have planned this so well. He wasn't a great planner but Teddy could forget that because this was one of those rare times when his stupid ideas worked so well everyone had bought it.
He wasn't gone. He was missing, sure, but he would come back.
He had to.
Billy Kaplan was alive. And Teddy was going to wait for him for as long as it took.
Even if it took his entire life.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for cursing and disturbing content
Parings: Billy/Teddy, Cassie/Vision, Eli/Kate, Kate/Tommy if you squint
Summary: Everyone goes through grief in their own way. A major loss among the Young Avengers forces the team to face the issue... or not.
Notes: Posted for kaciart’s birthday. Back in December I had started writing a fic about grief since i was in the middle of grieving over someone. I thought of the Young Avengers. I never had to motivation to finish until recently. Constructive criticism is always welcomed.
The Process
***
Crying
“Cassie?”
“...Y-Yeah.”
“...I am sorry for your loss.”
“Silly... You lost someo-one, too.”
“Yes, but all the same-”
“Jonas?”
“Yes?”
“Come h-here.”
“Cassie, wh-”
“...Just l-let go, ok-kay?”
“This... this really isn't necessary.”
“Is too... People are supposed to hu-hug you when you're ups-set.”
“Your breathing is irregular and you are hiccuping from crying. You are the one in need of consoling.”
“N-not true. He... He was your friend, too.”
“... Yes. Yes he was.”
***
Anger
Eli did what he did best when everything settled in, when the news finally came together in his head. He got angry.
He was a professional in the ways of bitterness, a master of the blame game. He knew how to resent things, and after it all came together that this was really happening, that it wasn't some twisted nightmare, he resented just about everything. And everyone.
He hated how Cassie couldn't stop sobbing every time someone said that name, how Tommy didn't say a damn word to any of them and just left.
Right now, he hated how Kate could just walk around like this didn't matter. Hated the way she was spraying polish on the wooden table and wiping it even though she'd gotten that spot three times before.
He was watched her move around the room with narrowed eyes, judging her as she laid the sheets out the way she knew they were expected, as she adjusted the action figures that had fallen to the floor days ago back along the self the way they were set up before, as she-
“Kate. Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
Her hands were grabbed roughly as Eli came up behind her and forced her around to face him. “Stop everything for a few seconds and think about how stupid this is!” He yelled.
Kate frowned and shoved him away. “It's not stupid. It's called cleaning. And it's appreciated by most people.”
“It's appreciated by most living people and in case you had forgotten-”
“Don't say it,” Kate growled lowly.
“What, the truth?” Eli challenged, glaring. “He's dead, Kate. Gone. As in never going to see another day again. As in can no longer care about how his room looks. So what's the point in fixing it up?”
Kate didn't answer. Her frame was shaking though. Had Eli been in the right state of mind, he would have stopped himself there. He couldn't.
“How can you act like this is just another day? Like he's on vacation and somehow, someway he'll come back and thank you for cleaning up his stuff. I've got news for you, it's not happening. Doesn't any of this mean anything to you?”
“Eli...”
“And what good is any of that now? Why bother tidying up the place when there's no one coming back-”
“BECAUSE I HAVE TO, DAMMIT!”
The tirade Eli was on died following Kate's shriek.
“I don't have a choice, Eli!!! I mean, for God's sake I'm only seventeen, but I have to act like I'm thirty, because no one else can! Because who the hell's going to get things done around here, huh? Who's going to guide everyone while you're sitting around being pissed at the world or while Cassie's sobbing her eyes out? Or while Vision is running headquarters?”
Kate slammed the can of wood cleaner against the desk and snarled before Eli can interrupt again, tears of frustration and hurt finally breaking free.
“And who's going to help the Kaplans arrange the funeral while the so-called adults known as the Avengers, the X-Men, and the Maximoff family are busy making sure the Scarlet Witch doesn't have another melt down? Who's going to take care of people and look after them while Tommy's missing in action and Teddy's walking aimlessly like his entire world just shattered around him? Come on, Eli. Answer me! Because I don't see anyone stepping up to the plate and just doing it. OK? So guess who that leaves? Guess who once again has to take the bull by the horns and get impaled while everyone else jumps out of the pen?”
Eli moved his mouth, but nothing came out. Kate just laughed dryly. “Me. Like always. It all falls on me.”
Eli swallowed down the burning in his throat, watched as Kate continued to laugh and sob in front of him. “Kate-”
“Ironic, isn't it?” She murmurs now, through her laughter, furiously wiping her face. “The wealthy Kate Bishop, the source of the young Avenger's financial stability and regulation doesn't even have the luxury to morn for someone she loved.”
“Kate...” Eli walked toward her again, hands reaching out to touch her, but she moved aside and waved it off. Eli froze and drew back, looking down. “Kate, I'm sorry.”
“I know,” She acknowledged grimly, sniffing and brushing her hair out of her face. The blue of her eyes were glassy with tears and the whites around them shaded red. “You always are. And I already forgive you... But I'm done doing it for both of us. You have to start forgiving yourself.”
She didn't wait for him to respond before she headed for the door, pausing at the frame with her back to Eli. When she spoke, her voice left no room for argument. “I won't be home for dinner.”
And then he was alone. Alone in Billy's room. Alone with his thoughts. With his memories-
“You really need to quit punishing yourself,” Billy shrugs. “I'm not a psychologist- I could refer you to my mom, if you want-, but even I know holding that much guilt in will eventually drive you crazy. Doesn't help that it drives others away, too.”
For the first time since he got the news of his friend's death, Eli fell to the floor and wept.
***
Release
Tommy wasn't the emotional type. He handled the news by doing what he did best.
He ran.
He'd started running as soon as he was alone, almost an hour after the fact. He started in downtown Manhattan. He stared at the people and buildings and other objects around him and wondered why they were moving in slow motion more so than usual.
So he ran. And ran far. And didn't stop.
Didn't stop when he felt the temperature change or noticed the timezones were all blurred together, how night became day and back into night.
Trees, beaches, deserts, forests, plains, ice, traffic, isolation-
Tommy was always alone. Always. His parents hated him... His father left because of him. His mother despised him.
“I hate you! I hate you! You're not my son. There no way I could have given birth to something like you!. You're nothing but a freak!!!”
Tommy squeezed his eyes and accelerated.
“Your abilities are quite … amazing, Mr. Shepard. We don't want you to waste those talents by simply blowing up schools.”
He felt his heart pound against his chest, pounding harder than his feet against the concrete- no snow- no dirt-
“You can be the key, Thomas. You and the others here... We want to harness that power.”
“No.”
“Use it.”
“No!!!”
Always alone. Not even the teens locked up with him could break through...
And the first person to give him a reason not to feel so alone... The first person he saw when he was saved from that hell-on-earth facility they masked as a prison-
He felt the peak of his energy snap and screamed.
And the world was still.
Tommy panted, stared blankly into the darkness, everything was far too still here.
And he wasn't alone.
Kate stood up from the marble bench she was sitting on and folded her arms. She wasn't frowning. He wished she was. Tommy liked it when she was mad. This look she had on now... He looked away.
“How'd you know I'd be here?”
“I didn't. I just wanted to get away,” she walked over to to him, but he couldn't meet her eyes, his own fixed to the ground. “So did you.”
Tommy stared at the remains of Avenger's headquarters, then back to the statues around him. There was a new one...
“Who-”
“The Scarlet Witch,” Kate answered looking up with him. “She's not going to destroy the world... She's going to grieve in peace. She just wanted to make this for him... And she wants to see you.”
He swallowed. “...Why?”
“Because she loves you, Tommy. You're all she has, now.”
Tommy gritted his teeth. “I could have saved him...”
Kate's hands grab his face, forced him to meet her eyes. “Don't. Don't start blaming yourself. No one could have helped him. He... He knew what he was doing. He wanted to save us. He was hero, Tommy...”
“A hero...” That statue of him looks so real... It's his face mirrored, marble cape frozen in a fake breeze. Tommy chokes. “Dammit Kaplan.”
Kate shushed him, but Tommy yelled, and pulled away.
“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, KAPLAN!!! You drag me out of juvie, fucking make me believe that we're somehow related. Make me meet some woman who supposedly lost her mind over me and now she's lost you twice?”
Something exploded on the ground. Then another explosion. Then another. Then-
Then Kate held him.
Tommy shook and fell forward, buried his head into her neck and sobbed.
“Billy...”
“Shhhhh,” Kate whispered, holding him as he clutched back, her body keeping his from slumping to the ground.
Billy's statue held it's pose, hands forming unseen balls of energy, smiling...
***
Denial
Everyone was waiting for Teddy to flip. Everyone. Or they were waiting for him to cry.
Scary enough, Tommy was the only one to guess that Teddy wasn't going to any of those things. At least not for a long time.
And he was right.
Two weeks after the fact, Teddy hadn't cried or yelled. He hadn't felt the need to distract himself or release any pent up energy. Life through Teddy's eyes was distorted in a disturbingly different way.
The shock hadn't worn off. And for most, reality would start to sink in after the first two days or so. But for the last 14, Teddy had it in his head that nothing really changed.
It was all an act. Billy must have planned this so well. He wasn't a great planner but Teddy could forget that because this was one of those rare times when his stupid ideas worked so well everyone had bought it.
He wasn't gone. He was missing, sure, but he would come back.
He had to.
Billy Kaplan was alive. And Teddy was going to wait for him for as long as it took.
Even if it took his entire life.