If it's not too late for coffee...
Tonight I realized that I forgot to pack something when I left. She has it, and it's sitting in a to-go-box in her refrigerator. I know that I've been physically attracted to other girls since I've been here, but I've only cared about one... before I left, and since I've been gone. But when her name comes up, I run out of words, lol... I find myself in a cogitative state Josh!!! Because there's really things that I want to say to her, but just can't, because some things just shouldn't be said...maybe. I understand being afraid of distance, and granted that the last person that she cared about so deeply went away to start the rest of his life and left her out of it, I understand her apprehension. That obvious biase creeps in though, cause for 3 months now, I've just wanted to tell her that my name isn't chad, and that I've never given her one reason to worry or be afraid... but those words won't make her fear go away, will they? Right now it feels like I've opened a door that will be painful to close. I really just want to get in my car right now and drive home... not tell anyone that I'm leaving, not tell anyone that I'm on my way. Just go and crash in my car for a night, wake up and just sit in the same room with this girl, and maybe everything would just automatically fix itself.. Maybe it's this feeling of indifference that I get from her maybe???, scares me alot.