am i wrong in saying this?

[young_heart]

i guess i had to do it
it just sucks to be the one to disappoint someone or let someone down
or to not care as much as the other person
or to end things not because they are bad
but because you know there's no point in having fun for a few months only to deal with the shit that will follow

i didn't mean for things ot come out so harsh
i said something like "sorry i set my standards high"

and plenty more offensive things.

uhhhh
breathe

why does my chest feel heavy?

i thought i didn't care.

i told him it wouldnt be worth it
he disagreed

will i always have this "not worth it" attitude?

when will something be worth it?

was what i used to have "worth it"?
i don't think i really know.

he said we can't be this close anymore

i just feel like i hurt someone without meaning to

but in a way did i mean to?

maybe some sick part of me wants to hurt someone like i've been hurt.

maybe i used someone
on purpose
..
making them want to love me
only to be innocentpurenaive and deny them me

sicksicksick

//////////////sidenote

besides the above. my days have been relaly really great lately.
and i love where i am. i lvoe being too busy to think. be free enough to play.
its wonderful.

cal val love you girls.
so freaking much.
ajfdlksjfad;lsk