I'm getting weaker
I really got to thinking about something today. I've grown significantly weaker over the past several months. I see it not only in the way I react to things, but also in how I am treated. (or perceived to be treated, I'm not sure) It seems as if anything that somehow reminds me of... those times... breaks me apart. The level of negative reaction ranges anywhere from moderate agitation/annoyance to that "puddle of tears" feeling. It makes me feel so alone... as if I'm one of the only (if not THE only) person who gets hurt by the things that hurt me. I've tried to get support, but sadly I was only told that I "am sick" and "need to get better". On occassions, I was told it was my fault all of "those times" occured. I do not need to be told that my feelings make me ill/insane/crazy!
I have an idea of why I am feeling/reacting this way. What happened to me wasn't just "an unfortunate boo-boo to stick a bandage over and forget about". No, the damage seeped through too deep, and it's only a matter of time before "those times" come back again. Sure, I was told "it'll never happen again"... TWICE! However, the fact it had to be said again makes me skeptical. I believed it the first time, but then "it" did happen again. This time around I'm afraid I cannot believe it when I'm told "it'll never happen again".
I can't believe I was told that I "broke" someone (REPEATEDLY, might I add); it was quite the opposite, I assure you. Hey, anyone would have been broken after being exposed to all of "those things", even more so when they're directed at you. Now I know exactly why I am sigificantly weaker nowadays.
I have an idea of why I am feeling/reacting this way. What happened to me wasn't just "an unfortunate boo-boo to stick a bandage over and forget about". No, the damage seeped through too deep, and it's only a matter of time before "those times" come back again. Sure, I was told "it'll never happen again"... TWICE! However, the fact it had to be said again makes me skeptical. I believed it the first time, but then "it" did happen again. This time around I'm afraid I cannot believe it when I'm told "it'll never happen again".
I can't believe I was told that I "broke" someone (REPEATEDLY, might I add); it was quite the opposite, I assure you. Hey, anyone would have been broken after being exposed to all of "those things", even more so when they're directed at you. Now I know exactly why I am sigificantly weaker nowadays.