Lost
...I dont even know how to use this thing anymore... I didnt know people still did! Its 430 in the Am, and i'm just...out of control. Cleaning my moms house, and seriously I think she has problems. I mean of course I always knew she did, but i am really worried now. She buys the weirdest things and seriously does not throw anything away. If you could only see the shit i've found...and have thrown away. Just odd. I cant help but wonder if i'll turn out like this. Lord i pray not. But just by being here i'm avoiding cleaning/packing my house. Do you realize that I move out in 3 weeks from my 1 year leased house..and have maybe slept in my bed 10 days? Thats because theres so much shit in my room I wouldnt know where to begin. Seriously, who lives like that? For a whole year. One whole fucking year. It honestly disgusts me.. This house disgusts me at the moment. I cannot wait to move and "start over". I mean i have no doubts it will be a good thing for me, but i'm starting to get worried about where my life is going. The other day we joked about what a failure I am...that so many kids that were younger than me are like Juniors at Colorado College...and i'm fucking no where. I work at the same resturant ive worked for exactly 2 years. Sick. God i am not happy right now. How do i change my life? I need help. I need a sign. I need a change. I need to get out of here. Away from my seriously disturbed family. I think something that adds to it all is that I just want to know how i got here. How did i fuck up so badly? Man it hurts. I wish i could go back and fix where i went wrong, but thats impossible of course. I really just dont know what to do anymore.