(no subject)
Wow, looking back at my first post in here. Granted, it's not that far back... but I haven't read it in a long time -
A release of chemical rushes to my brain. I can literally feel it. So addictive, just such an utter feeling of glee. I damn the workings of life for giving me this feeling. I damn the process. Fuck this simple reality! Chemicals and dust... and skin... and your skin... and your innocent perception of it all...
It's not the process of getting there, but the end result. My muscles relax. My mind goes blank. The thoughts of you disappear, if only for those precious few seconds. And what I see, what pain I feel... it's all gone. For a few reckless seconds I am free. I have no guilt, no desires... just for one or two seconds... 1.... 2...
That's what this journals intent is for me - to talk about my addictions. Not so I can get over them (well, maybe some of them) but to just get the thoughts about them out of my fucked up head.
A release of chemical rushes to my brain. I can literally feel it. So addictive, just such an utter feeling of glee. I damn the workings of life for giving me this feeling. I damn the process. Fuck this simple reality! Chemicals and dust... and skin... and your skin... and your innocent perception of it all...
It's not the process of getting there, but the end result. My muscles relax. My mind goes blank. The thoughts of you disappear, if only for those precious few seconds. And what I see, what pain I feel... it's all gone. For a few reckless seconds I am free. I have no guilt, no desires... just for one or two seconds... 1.... 2...
That's what this journals intent is for me - to talk about my addictions. Not so I can get over them (well, maybe some of them) but to just get the thoughts about them out of my fucked up head.