Weird Dreams
Jeez, I haven't updated in like a month! Not, of course, because I have a life, but because I forget about this thing... I can't bookmark this, because I'm not supposed to have an LJ because my mom thinks I'll let myself get tricked by some old guy and end up getting kidnapped or some crazy thing like that. Jeez.
(I just realized that I used 'jeez' at both the very beginning and very end of that paragraph. Kinda like HTML tags. Hee hee.)
Well, Friday before last (3/3/06), in Tech, I was debating with Colby if I should ask Damon out. Of course, the only thing stopping me was a) I didn't know if he liked me and b) I was actually listening to my mom for once and worrying that if we break up, we wouldn't be able to be friends again. Of course, as luck would have it, Francisco (I think that's his name) overheard, and as soon as the bell rang he ran off to Damon and told him I liked him. So then, at our lockers, I asked him what Francisco had said. "He said you liked me," he replied.
"And?"
Silence.
"Do you like me back?"
Silently praying.
"I like you as a friend."
I swear under my breath and rest my forehead against the empty locker above mine. I hate those words. I've heard them before. He's already shut his locker and is standing. I look up at him, and he just looks back for a moment, then walks off to choir.
Yeah, I dunno how that got into a sort of narrative/story format, but that's what happened. Lovely, isn't it? 'Just friends.' Just thinking that phrase makes me want to punch something. Because I don't know why, but I get the feeling that being friends isn't good enough, especially when I don't think of him as just a friend.
Which brings me to the weird dreams in the subject. I've been sick lately, and I think I'm getting a bit of a fever, because I'm having these dreams. And some of them involve Damon.
The first one is the biggest thing. All I really remember of it is a single... image? idea? moment? I don't know to call it... of Damon and I just sitting together, holding hands, my head resting on his shoulder. And I got the feeling it wasn't a 'just friends' kind of moment. Like we were actually going out. And while I realized before that if we were to be together, it wouldn't be much different from how we are now, just that we'd be referred to as a couple. But then this dream kinda shows me what I really want out of being with Damon: just moments like that, where we just know that we care about each other. Just that kind of peaceful happiness I got from the dream. I dunno how to explain it. It was strange.
And then there was another dream, and I barely remember that--something about how Damon was obsessed with listening to Republican talk radio, just so he could yell and throw things at the radio... and something about him constantly downloading music, and he deleted all my Interpol pictures off the HD to make room for all his songs... that was the weird one. And I know there was another one, but I can't really remember it. Maybe I'll remember later.
EDIT: I had another weird dream. Some sort of anime-looking game type thing. I remember lots of green. And orange. And weird little CGI mini-people running around and making out. Yeah. I'm really fucked up, I think. Oy.
(I just realized that I used 'jeez' at both the very beginning and very end of that paragraph. Kinda like HTML tags. Hee hee.)
Well, Friday before last (3/3/06), in Tech, I was debating with Colby if I should ask Damon out. Of course, the only thing stopping me was a) I didn't know if he liked me and b) I was actually listening to my mom for once and worrying that if we break up, we wouldn't be able to be friends again. Of course, as luck would have it, Francisco (I think that's his name) overheard, and as soon as the bell rang he ran off to Damon and told him I liked him. So then, at our lockers, I asked him what Francisco had said. "He said you liked me," he replied.
"And?"
Silence.
"Do you like me back?"
Silently praying.
"I like you as a friend."
I swear under my breath and rest my forehead against the empty locker above mine. I hate those words. I've heard them before. He's already shut his locker and is standing. I look up at him, and he just looks back for a moment, then walks off to choir.
Yeah, I dunno how that got into a sort of narrative/story format, but that's what happened. Lovely, isn't it? 'Just friends.' Just thinking that phrase makes me want to punch something. Because I don't know why, but I get the feeling that being friends isn't good enough, especially when I don't think of him as just a friend.
Which brings me to the weird dreams in the subject. I've been sick lately, and I think I'm getting a bit of a fever, because I'm having these dreams. And some of them involve Damon.
The first one is the biggest thing. All I really remember of it is a single... image? idea? moment? I don't know to call it... of Damon and I just sitting together, holding hands, my head resting on his shoulder. And I got the feeling it wasn't a 'just friends' kind of moment. Like we were actually going out. And while I realized before that if we were to be together, it wouldn't be much different from how we are now, just that we'd be referred to as a couple. But then this dream kinda shows me what I really want out of being with Damon: just moments like that, where we just know that we care about each other. Just that kind of peaceful happiness I got from the dream. I dunno how to explain it. It was strange.
And then there was another dream, and I barely remember that--something about how Damon was obsessed with listening to Republican talk radio, just so he could yell and throw things at the radio... and something about him constantly downloading music, and he deleted all my Interpol pictures off the HD to make room for all his songs... that was the weird one. And I know there was another one, but I can't really remember it. Maybe I'll remember later.
EDIT: I had another weird dream. Some sort of anime-looking game type thing. I remember lots of green. And orange. And weird little CGI mini-people running around and making out. Yeah. I'm really fucked up, I think. Oy.