(no subject)
Christmas was nice at our house. Miles had a blast, but is still a bit young to know exactly what's going on. He's had the most fun watching all his new DVD's and playing with his train tracks he got.
last friday Miles was supposed to see his dad. He moved to D.C. back in April and hasnt seen him since March..I think. So nearly a year. He text messaged me at 11am. We had plans to go to the aquarium, but Tuesday I called and asked him to talk to me about stuff before we went. He never returned my call. I had made up my mind that we weren't going to meet. I started thinking about it though and the more I thought about it the more I felt like maybe he needed one more chance. So I texted him at 2ish after telling him I had plans for the day....he was watching a movie with his mom and not willing to come out.
I was so angry. But I cant be. He is making the choice to miss out on Miles.
I have this enormous fear, though, that in 10 years Miles is going to blame ME for all this. He is going to find out Austin was in town for christmas in 2008 and he'll blame me for keeping him from his dad. It breaks my heart. But you can only do what you feel is right. I can't predict the future. So I pray a lot over my little boy. I pray that he'll bring a man into Miles' and my life that will fill that void.
For the past month I've felt like I might have met that man. He is more than I could have ever imagined. A million times better than Austin. He respects me and my opinions. He listens when I speak. He's been gone 2 weeks now and we've hit a bit of a rough spot. Before we met he had resolved to pretty much be alone and move to Chicago to finish school and live out a dream he's had for a long time. We well met and we are happy, but I'm a package and that freaks him out. It's hard because I know what I want. I'm more than willing to wait but for how long?
Only time will tell I suppose, but for now. I'm happy (FINALLY) and excited about the future. I have a feeling 2009 is going to be a year of major growth and change. I'm so ready. I feel like I could take on the world!
last friday Miles was supposed to see his dad. He moved to D.C. back in April and hasnt seen him since March..I think. So nearly a year. He text messaged me at 11am. We had plans to go to the aquarium, but Tuesday I called and asked him to talk to me about stuff before we went. He never returned my call. I had made up my mind that we weren't going to meet. I started thinking about it though and the more I thought about it the more I felt like maybe he needed one more chance. So I texted him at 2ish after telling him I had plans for the day....he was watching a movie with his mom and not willing to come out.
I was so angry. But I cant be. He is making the choice to miss out on Miles.
I have this enormous fear, though, that in 10 years Miles is going to blame ME for all this. He is going to find out Austin was in town for christmas in 2008 and he'll blame me for keeping him from his dad. It breaks my heart. But you can only do what you feel is right. I can't predict the future. So I pray a lot over my little boy. I pray that he'll bring a man into Miles' and my life that will fill that void.
For the past month I've felt like I might have met that man. He is more than I could have ever imagined. A million times better than Austin. He respects me and my opinions. He listens when I speak. He's been gone 2 weeks now and we've hit a bit of a rough spot. Before we met he had resolved to pretty much be alone and move to Chicago to finish school and live out a dream he's had for a long time. We well met and we are happy, but I'm a package and that freaks him out. It's hard because I know what I want. I'm more than willing to wait but for how long?
Only time will tell I suppose, but for now. I'm happy (FINALLY) and excited about the future. I have a feeling 2009 is going to be a year of major growth and change. I'm so ready. I feel like I could take on the world!