(no subject)
Okay so I just looked at Amys website and I even thought that I shouldn't because it would totally ruin my night and make me sad. Sure enough, I'm already crying. Her mom, Ruth, wrote this poem for her. It kinda makes me mad though. Like, we all know she killed herself, but I think its just really hard for someone to feel like it was their fault and a couple people that were "close" to her are now acting like it was an accident and she only did it because she was drunk. Which is not true at all. Denial. I can't really get into it too much because I don't know who reads this and who knew her, but basically its just really sad. I want it to go back to how it was before. Kayden and Braden were outside blowing bubbles with me and Kaitlyn the other day and they kept saying the bubbles were going up to Amy. And then my sister Trina was talking to Braden and out of no where he was like "Mom I don't like Amy!!!" And he said it kinda angryish. Well Amy was the one who ALWAYS calmed Braden down when he was upset and hes too little to understand that shes gone. All he knows is his Aunt Amy never came home-and still hasn't. Then Kayden, well he understands a little better. But he says the craziest things sometimes. The other morning he woke up and went to Trina and said Amy came down from Heaven and cuddled him with her big white angel wings before he went to bed. And whose to say that didn't happen? I may sound stupid, but seriously. She was SO close to those boys. And those boys loved her SO much. I don't know. Its just sad. She would only be 21. She should be here. But its not what she wanted. It just makes me mad because my little nephews won't ever know one of their aunts and they miss her. Alot. And sometimes I think that shes never gonna be able to see anything they do. Like today, Kaydens preschool graduation, she didn't get to see it. It makes me so sad thinking about it. Maybe I shouldn't anymore. Well read the poem, its sad.
I WONT SETTLE
The news came on the lips of your friends
They didn’t quite know how to put it
Your babys gone
Shes been taken from us
No God, please say this isn’t so
No I wont settle for their reason why
Did they see her go
Did she say goodbye
Don’t you think
If she knew her destiny
That she wouldnt hold you tight
Before she would leave
No I wont settle for that pretty vase
The one that’s black and red
No I wont settle till she comes home
Till shes asleep in her own bed
You can say that shes gone
That it was her own choice
But did you hear her crys
Did you hear her voice
No I wont settle
Cuz its just not right
She wasn’t trying to run
From life that night
I know my girl
And she was tough
She was heading home
When the road got rough
All she wanted was a ride
It was dark and cold
No wheels no phone
No boyfriend to hold
No I wont settle
Till I see her beautiful smile
Shes headed home
Though it might take a while
Written for my Daughter Amy
With love from Mom