(no subject)
This greatly pisses me off. What the hell?! When I use the com all by myself, nothing lags. Everything is fine. Rawr, the moment other people uses it, screw it, it lags like nuts. I have to upgrade it at the end of this year after I go kl with Ching. Must buy another 160GB hard disk and upgrade RAM...well, I'll consider upgrading the RAM...but I WILL get another HD! >D
And, so many people in my house...I feel overcrowded and uncomfortable.
Ugh...I really should get my ass up by chucking my stories on LJ. Let's try the lj-cut.
I have always watched them together. Holding hands, smiling, hugging. A part of me mourned, another raged for what could never come to be mine. The ‘me’ everyone else saw was happy; happy for the lovers’ bliss. I smiled when she came to me, happily giving a full account of what had happened the day before; he had given her a box of dark chocolate, or another bouquet of roses, or he had called her at three in the morning, telling her he missed her, that he loves her. I laughed when she swooned over him and proclaimed her absolute love and adoration. Deep inside, every time, I wished to be the one.
I was so jealous. The feeling was so hot within me I felt like I could burn in the intensity of it all. Sometimes, I look at them and felt utter hatred. That person was the one who had stole my heaven, my happiness, and my everything away in a blink of an eye. But then I feel guilty. What right do I have to hate the one who had brought laughter to my sun’s mundane life? And I call bliss’s harbinger…the moon, for I could never bring myself to breathe that name.
The sun had the moon. I wasn’t needed anymore, perhaps never had been in the first place. But that didn’t make the times when I had to listen to their happiness in form of cutting words any better. Each laughter, each joy they had cut me deeper than any wound could go. My heart ached while my lips let loose laughter, teasing and blessing. Or it would be more suitable to say it bled. I wanted to cry, but never did. I never formed the tears or words of resentment and sorrow. I couldn’t.
I was numb.
Then came the bells. Then came the tears. The things that happened in a second’s time were worth a lifetime of regret. I couldn’t believe I didn’t stop it. But it was my fault. On one side, it was my best friend, on the other, the only one whom I love with all my heart and soul, perhaps more than that. I didn’t want unhappiness upon either of them. For I did truly dearly love them. Then I saw him with another. They were happy. He begged for me not to tell, and I, with my crumbling heart, agreed.
Weeks later, she found out.
The phone call came in wee hours of dawn. But it didn’t matter, did it? I have not been sleeping well ever since I lost my heart. Perhaps I have not been sleeping at all. I was tired. And she was crying. I was puzzled, confused, by the tears. Shouldn’t it have been me crying in her place? But I didn’t, haven’t been for years and years…or maybe it was decades since I let my façade crumble into dust.
And when I saw her face, sad and heartbroken, and her eyes red from crying the whole day and the night before, I knew it reflected me. Or rather it reflected what would have been me had I let loose my despair years ago.
She cried, for what was now lost forever. Or perhaps it had never been hers. He was one of the unattainable things, like air, something you breathe inconstantly, but never really owned. Something infinitely precious, even more valuable than all the gold or platinum or diamonds the whole world could find. He was like one of those friendly dolphins you see out in the sea in the safety of your ship, looking down at it as an amateur fisherman. You look down at it, thinking you’re above it, as a human, that you could own it if you want to, because it kept following your ship. But in truth, it could slip away in a matter of seconds at the slight sign of danger. He was like those free dolphins in the big blue sea full of opportunities. And she… for him, she was one of those trophies you get for winning an annual competition that would be discarded in due time because you had lost interest in it. For him, she was a conquest, the heart he broke without even caring for it in the first place. She was nothing but one of those tiny fishes in the big blue sea, insignificant as that.
But I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that. I had no right, for in my sun’s world, I was the same inconsequential moment in a lifetime. And she cried and embraced me, asking for all the reasons in the world.
Her voice, hoarse and heartbroken like my inner heart cut through me.
“I still love him. I love him so much.”
Her tears were slowly ceasing, and mine was just beginning.
“I love him too, you know.” I had loved him even longer than you, even longer than you.
I had always loved him
Hmm..this is really an odd piece. i got the inspiration from an image in my mind, one of Hiro hugging a crying Shuichi and confessing his eternal love XD And suddenly got the urge to write this. Either way, do you think the story is from a guy or girl's POV? I kinda wondered too...well, admittedly it started out as a girl's POV, but...gee, does my obsession with yaoi affect everything I write? .... Hell yeah, apparently. In any case, I suppose this is acceptable from either POV. i just feel it's nice though, when I read it few weeks after I wrote this. XD
And, so many people in my house...I feel overcrowded and uncomfortable.
Ugh...I really should get my ass up by chucking my stories on LJ. Let's try the lj-cut.
I have always watched them together. Holding hands, smiling, hugging. A part of me mourned, another raged for what could never come to be mine. The ‘me’ everyone else saw was happy; happy for the lovers’ bliss. I smiled when she came to me, happily giving a full account of what had happened the day before; he had given her a box of dark chocolate, or another bouquet of roses, or he had called her at three in the morning, telling her he missed her, that he loves her. I laughed when she swooned over him and proclaimed her absolute love and adoration. Deep inside, every time, I wished to be the one.
I was so jealous. The feeling was so hot within me I felt like I could burn in the intensity of it all. Sometimes, I look at them and felt utter hatred. That person was the one who had stole my heaven, my happiness, and my everything away in a blink of an eye. But then I feel guilty. What right do I have to hate the one who had brought laughter to my sun’s mundane life? And I call bliss’s harbinger…the moon, for I could never bring myself to breathe that name.
The sun had the moon. I wasn’t needed anymore, perhaps never had been in the first place. But that didn’t make the times when I had to listen to their happiness in form of cutting words any better. Each laughter, each joy they had cut me deeper than any wound could go. My heart ached while my lips let loose laughter, teasing and blessing. Or it would be more suitable to say it bled. I wanted to cry, but never did. I never formed the tears or words of resentment and sorrow. I couldn’t.
I was numb.
Then came the bells. Then came the tears. The things that happened in a second’s time were worth a lifetime of regret. I couldn’t believe I didn’t stop it. But it was my fault. On one side, it was my best friend, on the other, the only one whom I love with all my heart and soul, perhaps more than that. I didn’t want unhappiness upon either of them. For I did truly dearly love them. Then I saw him with another. They were happy. He begged for me not to tell, and I, with my crumbling heart, agreed.
Weeks later, she found out.
The phone call came in wee hours of dawn. But it didn’t matter, did it? I have not been sleeping well ever since I lost my heart. Perhaps I have not been sleeping at all. I was tired. And she was crying. I was puzzled, confused, by the tears. Shouldn’t it have been me crying in her place? But I didn’t, haven’t been for years and years…or maybe it was decades since I let my façade crumble into dust.
And when I saw her face, sad and heartbroken, and her eyes red from crying the whole day and the night before, I knew it reflected me. Or rather it reflected what would have been me had I let loose my despair years ago.
She cried, for what was now lost forever. Or perhaps it had never been hers. He was one of the unattainable things, like air, something you breathe inconstantly, but never really owned. Something infinitely precious, even more valuable than all the gold or platinum or diamonds the whole world could find. He was like one of those friendly dolphins you see out in the sea in the safety of your ship, looking down at it as an amateur fisherman. You look down at it, thinking you’re above it, as a human, that you could own it if you want to, because it kept following your ship. But in truth, it could slip away in a matter of seconds at the slight sign of danger. He was like those free dolphins in the big blue sea full of opportunities. And she… for him, she was one of those trophies you get for winning an annual competition that would be discarded in due time because you had lost interest in it. For him, she was a conquest, the heart he broke without even caring for it in the first place. She was nothing but one of those tiny fishes in the big blue sea, insignificant as that.
But I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that. I had no right, for in my sun’s world, I was the same inconsequential moment in a lifetime. And she cried and embraced me, asking for all the reasons in the world.
Her voice, hoarse and heartbroken like my inner heart cut through me.
“I still love him. I love him so much.”
Her tears were slowly ceasing, and mine was just beginning.
“I love him too, you know.” I had loved him even longer than you, even longer than you.
I had always loved him
Hmm..this is really an odd piece. i got the inspiration from an image in my mind, one of Hiro hugging a crying Shuichi and confessing his eternal love XD And suddenly got the urge to write this. Either way, do you think the story is from a guy or girl's POV? I kinda wondered too...well, admittedly it started out as a girl's POV, but...gee, does my obsession with yaoi affect everything I write? .... Hell yeah, apparently. In any case, I suppose this is acceptable from either POV. i just feel it's nice though, when I read it few weeks after I wrote this. XD