Day 9
I woke up at 3 this morning. I went job hunting from noon to 230, i think. i had to call ronnie to find out my boss's lastname so i could fill out an application. that sucked b/c he gave me attitude as usual. it took me an hour to fill out a blockbuster application. ronnie and i talked for awhile online until he got off to take a nap b4 band practice. i think from that time(4pm)on, i was crying, being totally hysterical, thinking in my head "what if we dont get back together? Hes the only one i want to be with, the only one i want haley to be around. what am i gonna do? y am i so jealous?" i layed in bed from 4 till now 1000pm thinking all of those things. Kara called to see how i was doing. i told her i didnt want to talk. she said this pain is going to take awhile. she was like this for 2months when her and mike broke up. they were together for 2 or 3 years. if im going to feel like this for 2 months, id pay someone to kill me. I hope writing in this journal helps me. since no one else seems to care. Ronnie im not talking about you, b/c i know u do care but ur not showing it.i dont want to seem like im psychotic. i dont know how else to say things. everyone told me "show ronnie that he hasnt hurt you. if you do that, he'll come crawling back." and ofcourse ive been a complete baby. ronnie said he mite stop by tomorrow. thatll be fantastic. sorry if u cant understand this, if things are misspelled i cant see, my contacts are blurry. lets see how awesome tomorrow is..........