LETS PRETEND 4 1 NIGHT, I'M THE GIRL IN YR LIFE.
Some conclusions I made this month:
x. Driving school teachers in Markham are all brown/muslim. If you hate brown people you'll have to learn in Scarboro, but there they're all Chinese so really the whole region is striking out- ASIANS CAN'T DRIVE. I should know since i just started driving and frankly, I suck at it- and i'm not really even that asian!
x.Getting tattoos when y're 16 means you'll totally either hate it or be indifferent to it in two years. This isnt neccesarily true if yr parents are cool with u getting it. But if you have to sneak around to get tattoos, chances are your thinking will get all clouded and you'll end up with a heart that looks like two nike swooshes gone haywire.
x.Once you've made an important decision, unless new relevant factors enter into the equation, NEVER DOUBT YRSELF. For example, if you've decided so-and-so has spindley fingers and should never be allowed to touch you again, don't reconsider just because you feel like doing it. You will thank yourself afterward.
x.When wheeling a casket, it's easier to be the person pulling rather than pushing. Also, never grab a casket handle in the middle, IT BENDS. And then if yr boss finds out u get in lots of trouble or you make the widow cry.
x.Catholics deal with death very badly. If you're going to be a funeral director, pray you always run Anglican, Lutheran or Presbyterian services. The generic or Born-Again Christian services always have long sermons- like 2 hours. Who knows or cares about the other religions because unless u are of that faith, you will never have to do a funeral service for them. I guess the Jews, Muslims and otherwise like to stick to their own funeral homes.
x.Fucking exes is bad for company morale. Though it is tempting, it should be avoided unless you have a total deathwish. WHO ARE YOU, CHARLES BRONSON??!?!
x.You know how it says "not to be used as a regular method of contraception" on the Morning After Pill? Well the opposite is also true. Don't use massive amounts of the normal Birth Control Pill as the MAP, especially not if yr going to do that once every two weeks. It may not give you weird diseases, but it fucks yr whole system up. Don't be a fuck up like baby-daddy Halatsis, and just use some protection already.
x.If yr gonna get drunk and puke, don't roll around in sketchy back alleys with used needles on the ground. I know you have to puke outside, but thats what homeless people on the sidewalk are for. Otherwise you get all freaked out you have AIDS and end up getting like a billion paranoid blood tests.
x.If yr friends give u a pamphlet on Hypochondriasis- they are right in doing so and you are likely a Hypochondriac. Deal with it.
other observations to come after this weekend's fun filled itinerary.
ALSO!!!!!!!!!!! ohmygod love of my life!
x. Driving school teachers in Markham are all brown/muslim. If you hate brown people you'll have to learn in Scarboro, but there they're all Chinese so really the whole region is striking out- ASIANS CAN'T DRIVE. I should know since i just started driving and frankly, I suck at it- and i'm not really even that asian!
x.Getting tattoos when y're 16 means you'll totally either hate it or be indifferent to it in two years. This isnt neccesarily true if yr parents are cool with u getting it. But if you have to sneak around to get tattoos, chances are your thinking will get all clouded and you'll end up with a heart that looks like two nike swooshes gone haywire.
x.Once you've made an important decision, unless new relevant factors enter into the equation, NEVER DOUBT YRSELF. For example, if you've decided so-and-so has spindley fingers and should never be allowed to touch you again, don't reconsider just because you feel like doing it. You will thank yourself afterward.
x.When wheeling a casket, it's easier to be the person pulling rather than pushing. Also, never grab a casket handle in the middle, IT BENDS. And then if yr boss finds out u get in lots of trouble or you make the widow cry.
x.Catholics deal with death very badly. If you're going to be a funeral director, pray you always run Anglican, Lutheran or Presbyterian services. The generic or Born-Again Christian services always have long sermons- like 2 hours. Who knows or cares about the other religions because unless u are of that faith, you will never have to do a funeral service for them. I guess the Jews, Muslims and otherwise like to stick to their own funeral homes.
x.Fucking exes is bad for company morale. Though it is tempting, it should be avoided unless you have a total deathwish. WHO ARE YOU, CHARLES BRONSON??!?!
x.You know how it says "not to be used as a regular method of contraception" on the Morning After Pill? Well the opposite is also true. Don't use massive amounts of the normal Birth Control Pill as the MAP, especially not if yr going to do that once every two weeks. It may not give you weird diseases, but it fucks yr whole system up. Don't be a fuck up like baby-daddy Halatsis, and just use some protection already.
x.If yr gonna get drunk and puke, don't roll around in sketchy back alleys with used needles on the ground. I know you have to puke outside, but thats what homeless people on the sidewalk are for. Otherwise you get all freaked out you have AIDS and end up getting like a billion paranoid blood tests.
x.If yr friends give u a pamphlet on Hypochondriasis- they are right in doing so and you are likely a Hypochondriac. Deal with it.
other observations to come after this weekend's fun filled itinerary.
ALSO!!!!!!!!!!! ohmygod love of my life!