Here's the weight of the world on my shoulders
Despite my unfortunate beginnings this year, I've been in a reasonably equitable mood lately. I'm not happy. I'm not actively unhappy, either - in fact, I'm pretty numb. Things don't affect me like they used to. I'm letting everything pass over and around me without going through me, without touching me at all. I'm solidfying from the inside out, becoming cold. I can feel it, but you can't see it.
Nothing really matters anymore. It frightens me to think about it. If this is what it's like, becoming an adult, I don't appreciate it one bit. And yet, there's no way to stop this from happening. I just get fucked over, again and again, until I think "What's the point?" And still I live every day, and smile like I should, and study hard like I'm supposed to, and let it happen. As I mentioned above, my mood seems stable enough - I'm not going all emo and depressed. I'm just callous. Tougher?
In real news: I applied for six internships. I went to a Cavs game, and it was awesome. Tomorrow I'm going to Gatlinburg, because this week is my spring break. A chance to relax might be nice.
Nothing really matters anymore. It frightens me to think about it. If this is what it's like, becoming an adult, I don't appreciate it one bit. And yet, there's no way to stop this from happening. I just get fucked over, again and again, until I think "What's the point?" And still I live every day, and smile like I should, and study hard like I'm supposed to, and let it happen. As I mentioned above, my mood seems stable enough - I'm not going all emo and depressed. I'm just callous. Tougher?
In real news: I applied for six internships. I went to a Cavs game, and it was awesome. Tomorrow I'm going to Gatlinburg, because this week is my spring break. A chance to relax might be nice.