Love Fool
Summary: Love makes people pathetic. And while I wouldn't call Brendon pathetic to his face, I wouldn't call him the opposite of pathetic either. Which is what?
Rating: NC-17, for sexual situations :D
POV & Tense: Third, Present.
Pairing: Ryden.. because anything else is a sin (or it should be).
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They own me.
Word count: Drabble-ish. 8,600 something.
Notes: A little fic I wrote a while back, which took too long to write and is quite pointless. I kind of just really wanted to make Brendon into some cute pathetic little love fool. *Shrugs* I'm kind of proud of it... I can't shit words out like some people can so impressed myself with the lengthiness of it.
Beta'd: ms_deathbat(Asherr) and youlookslashy (Nora), thank you soo much lovies!
As soon as Ryan walks through the lounge Brendon pulls him down gently into his lap and circles his arms around the small boy. "Hey, Ry," he says with a wistful smile.
Ryan attempts to smile back, but it quickly falters.
"Is something wrong?" Brendon asks uncurling his arms when he realized Ryan's behavior is anything but the usual.
"Huh? What... no," He answers getting up from Brendon's lap. Frowning at his answer, Brendon scoots over slightly to give Ryan room to sit on the small red couch of the tour bus.
"You're lying," Brendon accuses with a slight frown adorning his face. "What's on your mind?"
Ryan purses his lips as he looks down at his lap, while Brendon carefully studies his face, gauging his reaction to the question. The smile that flashes across Ryan's face is one Brendon recognizes instantly.
It is a smile that Ryan always gives him, the one that makes him feel so incredibly special. This time the smile happened so fast he felt nothing but apprehension, it's as though that smile hadn't been intended for him, as if it is intended for someone else. And that's when it dawns on him.
"Who's on your mind?" he revises his previous question causing Ryan's head to look up from his lap. And there it is again, that smile, but it looks so different when it's not directed toward him and that's enough to make his chest ache.
"I met someone, Bren," Ryan states, his smile somehow spreading over his cheeks and coloring them with affection.
Brendon turns his body to face Ryan; he only does it so there is a bigger space between the two of them. He isn't going to make a big deal of this. Ryan is his friend. They are just friends.
Ryan, who apparently doesn't notice Brendon's reaction is one of rebuff rather than one of interest, pulls Brendon closer. Brendon lets out a soundless sigh and lays his head on Ryan's shoulder.
He would prefer Ryan wrap his arms around him but the older male doesn't and he isn't about to ask him to. "Who is it?" He asks willing his voice to cooperate with him and not let him sound as broken as he feels.
"Her name's Keltie and she's gorgeous, Bren," he says happily as he trails his arm up and down Brendon's side.
Keltie. Keltie, the name rings a bell but he can't exactly pin point why.
"That's great, Ry," he says as he turns to look at Ryan with a big fictitious smile and Ryan's own smile falters slightly as Brendon stands up suddenly.
He bends down slightly in front of Ryan as he speaks.
"I'm happy for you," he says more believable now but it's still slightly forced and he vaguely wishes he wasn't such an emotional person. His voice is so close to giving him away.
Ryan looks confused, but he nods and when he shifts up to kiss him, Brendon turns his head and places his lips against Ryan's cheek instead.
When he moves away, he doesn't meet Ryan's eyes and whispers a quick goodnight before leaving the lounge and heading toward the bunks.
***
"Try and be nice Brendon," Spencer says, words harsh.
"I am nice," Brendon argues loudly, "I'm the nicest one in this band!" Jon rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything.
"Be nice to her," Spencer tells him, that time with a glare. Brendon huffs but deflates with a nod. "Fine," he mumbles and goes to sit on the couch as they wait for Ryan to come back to the bus.
Of course Ryan won't be alone; he will be bringing Keltie along with him. None of them have actually know who she is and that evening they are all suppose to go out and get acquainted with each other.
Just the thought of it makes Brendon sick, the last thing he wants to do is spend the evening watching Ryan canoodle with some girl. Girlfriend… whatever, she is just a girl in Brendon's opinion.
Soon there is shuffling outside the door and they can hear low voices outside the bus. They easily recognize Ryan's voice and whose voice they can only assume belongs to Keltie.
When they finally enter the bus it is dead silent, except that Brendon hears something inexplicable shatter. Maybe it's his heart or perhaps his brain?
She is absolutely beautiful. "No wonder," he mumbles to himself.
"Guys, this is Keltie," Ryan gestures toward the blonde, "Kelt, this is the guys."
A pet name already? Someone please kill me, Brendon thinks.
"Weren't you in one of our videos or something?" Jon asks her with curious eyes.
She laughs, her stunning smile showing itself uncalled up and Brendon really wants to stab his own eyes out.
"Close, I performed with you guys during the VMAs." Ryan smiles proudly at her and Brendon's just kind of staring at them now.
"Keltie Colleen," slips from his mouth and everyone turns to look at him. That is why her name sounded so familiar; it was printed all over their dressing room the night of the performance.
"Yeah," she answers unnecessarily, that fucking smile still in place.
***
They decide a club would be the best setting. How they decide that is a complete mystery to Brendon. He is pretty much detached for the beginning of the night. Only nodding and smiling when being spoken to in fear of saying the wrong thing or coming off as a complete asshole to Ryan's new girlfriend.
After a few drinks he loosens up and before too long he is his normal talkative self, but of course he never really goes out of his way to make conversation with Keltie.
Ok, so maybe he tries to avoid talking to her completely. But she is definitely making an effort to get to know him better; with her sick inducing sweet smiles and happy persona.
Her boyfriend's words most likely repeating in her head, "He's so amazing, Kelt. You'll love him." And so far, she can see that Ryan feels fondly toward the boy and it's obvious that it's mutual. She cans see Brendon's admiration for Ryan all night.
After a few songs Ryan leads Keltie away from the dance floor. Exhausted she announces that she needs a drink, nodding he drives her back to the table.
"Just water?" He asks as she sits down next to Jon smiling, she nods. Suddenly he turns his body and attention toward Brendon.
"Bren, you want anything," he asks and maybe it is just out of habit, but he feels compelled to ask and make sure Brendon's set.
Brendon grins but shakes his head and Ryan walks off toward the bar.
Keltie sits there awkwardly between the boys, her lips pursed. She eyes Brendon curiously who is still starring off in the direction Ryan went.
"I really like him, you know," she says muted over the loud music, her voice conveying a confession. Brendon's eyes shoot to her, somehow being able to have heard her, his eyebrows furrow together as he nods.
"That's... good," he tells her with a smile that's careful but genuine. At least he is making the effort to be nice to her; not once has he tried to dance with Ryan and he didn't even take up his offer for a drink. See, nice.
When Ryan comes back with Keltie's drink, he sits down between Jon and Keltie, who are sitting across from Brendon and Spencer.
He sets down the drink on the table.
Smirking she tells him she had asked for a water.
With an innocent smile he asks, "Did you?"
She laughs and picks up the clear glass filled with pink liquid in front of her. Taking a sip she makes an appreciative sound. "Thanks," she tells him scooting closer, "Cosmos are my favorite."
Brendon just sits there, trying not to stare at how Ryan's arm hangs around her waist, or how his long fingers play with her blouse. He tries not to stare at how Ryan whispers things into her ear because the music is just too loud, or how she pretends not to hear him just so she can lean in closer. He tries not to stare at everything thing they do.
His tries are futile.
Finally, having enough, he stands up from the table and practically jogs toward the bar. He quickly scans the area for a potential drink hook-up since he doesn't turn twenty one for another year and some months.
He focuses on a guy toward the middle of the bar that seems to be in his mid twenties, no older than twenty seven. The guy isn't anything special but he at least looks like he swings that way so Brendon figures it should be enough.
He runs his fingers through his hair and quickly moistens his lips as he makes his way toward the guy.
Upon reaching the bar, he rests his elbows on the counter and cocks his hip to the side. Instantly he feels the man's burning gaze on him and he carefully hides his triumphant little smirk.
A few minutes later he thanks the guy for the drink and walks back toward the table. If the guy thought he is getting anything in return for the drink then he was sadly mistaken.
"How'd you get that?" Jon asks him curiously once he is back at the table. Brendon smirks. "Oh I have my ways," he says with a waggle of his brows, and takes a seat.
Keltie's burst of laughter makes everyone's eyes turn to her. Ryan frowns, not finding the situation humorous, but everyone else already seems to be laughing with her.
Brendon is still smirking, this time it's directed toward Ryan. And Keltie is just smiling prettily and oblivious after her little fit of laughter.
She already likes Brendon a lot. And well Brendon, he can't say that the feeling is mutual.
***
Brendon walks into the dressing room frustrated. He spots Jon and Spencer both sitting in chairs across from each other talking. "Ugh, where is he?" he asked pointlessly as he throws himself onto the beige couch.
Spencer huffs. "Where the fuck do you think?"
Brendon glares at him as best he can through hurt eyes.
"Spencer, calm down I'm sure he'll be here any minute," Jon tells him. "And leave Brendon alone it's not his fault."
Spencer sighs and says, "Sorry."
Brendon nods at his apology but the hurt look on his face is still there.
The door flies open seconds later, "Guys I'm so sorry," Ryan pants, his cheeks slightly flushed from jogging.
"You missed sound check fucker," Spencer spits, his tone completely aggravated.
Ryan nods. "Sorry. Keltie got into an argument with her parents. She was practically having a crisis," Ryan says, "Besides, one of the techies filled in for me, right?"
"Yeah, they did," Brendon mumbles.
Spencer gives him a look and he coils further into the couch. Spencer, still upset continues, "You could've at least answered your fucking phone." (When he's upset he pretends the only obscenities he knows are variations of the word fuck.)
Ryan glares at his best friend. "I turned my phone off, I didn't want to be rude," he defends, "she needed me."
"Well we need you too, you're in a fucking band for Christ sake. You could've at least fucking called and told us you were on your way when you left. We were so fucking close to sending everyone home, Ryan."
Ryan nods his head again, defeated.
"Just hurry up and get ready, I'm going to go call Pete and tell him you're here," Spencer says a lot softer now and heads out the dressing room door.
***
Brendon walks into the lounge of the bus and hears whispering. He stays put because, God, he is a goddamn wiz at eavesdropping.
"Just stay away from her or something," he recognizes Spencer's voice.
"It's not like I can just stay away from her. Ryan always brings her everywhere." And that's definitely Jon.
"Unless you want to tell Ryan," Spencer offers.
"Tell Ryan what?" Brendon walks in further making himself visible to the two.
Jon is sitting on the couch and Spencer is on a chair Brendon supposes he pulled into the lounge from the kitchenette. "Jesus! Brendon!" Jon let out practically heaving for air. "You don't just sneak up on people. I thought we had that discussion a while back."
Brendon raises an eyebrow, "Tell Ryan what?" He repeats ignoring Jon's sad attempt at a subject change.
Jon looks at Spencer pleadingly but the blue eyed boy just shrugs.
"Uh... Tell Ryan that, uh," Jon starts, he's still facing Spencer and the secrecy of it all is already making Brendon impatient.
He should just tell Brendon seeing how the younger boy has an infinite way of getting the truth out of anyone. But it's just that Brendon also has one of the biggest mouths anyone has ever come across and he's bound to let information slip out.
"Why can't you just tell me?! I know you guys were talking about Ryan and Keltie. So seriously just spit it out," Brendon attunes, yeah he's always the impatient bugger.
Spencer sighs and speaks carefully on Jon's behalf, "Tell Ryan that Keltie has been coming on to him."
Brendon gasps. "Are you serious?"
"No Brendon, I'm not serious," Spencer deadpans sarcastically. "Can you just... not be clueless for a second?" he huffs. Brendon gives him an insulted look.
"Like, what has she done? I've seen her look at you in weird ways but I never thought she'd actually try anything," Brendon asks Jon who is sitting with his head in his hands.
"Yeah, well she did," he says lifting his head to look at Brendon. "When she came over yesterday, she was waiting out here because Ryan was taking a shower. I wasn't even here yet but then I got on the bus and she was sitting here. And uhm, you should've seen the look she gave me, guys.
"I said hi to be polite and all. And she was all, 'Jonathon sit with me? I'm bored and Ryan is taking too long.' I didn't think much of it so I sat down, you know?
"Yeah well big mistake. She was all over me, her hand creeping up my thigh and her lips on my neck. I was too fucking shocked to move. Normally a pretty girl does something like that and I'm the first to cooperate but I have Cassie and I love her, so much and I could never do that to her or Ryan.
"Anyway, I heard the squeak of the bathroom door and I shot up and out the bus," Jon finishes and places his head back into his hands.
"But you didn't do anything wrong? Jon, don't get all upset. She came onto you. And you left before anything could really happen," Brendon tries to reassure.
Jon nods halfheartedly, "Yeah I know, but still, it's going to be awkward around them. And I seriously can't avoid them forever. Ryan's like family to me. Do you know how awkward this is for me?"
"I think you should tell Ryan, I mean he has a right to know," Brendon voices.
"No! And you better not say anything Brendon. I'm serious! I know you'd take any opportunity you'd have to break them up and as much as I don't like the idea of Ryan being with someone like Keltie. I'd rather not be the reason they break up. Ok?"
"Ok, sorry," Brendon starts, his voice torn, "But he has to have seen the way Keltie looks at you sometimes, he's not stupid Jon."
"Ryan isn't stupid but love blinds people, Brendon. You'll understand when you fall in love. Nothing matters but the other person," Spencer tells him honestly.
Brendon feels his chest ache a little, "You-u. You think he loves her?" And the way he asks it sounds as though he doesn't want an answer.
"Probably," Jon says as empathetically as he can.
Without another word Brendon heads toward the bunks, Spencer words repeating in his head.
Brendon already understood. He understood all to well.
***
"Give me my phone, Brendon!"
"Never!" Brendon yells as he runs around the parking lot, Ryan right on his tail.
With Ryan's long legs he usually out runs Brendon, but Brendon's endurance is something quite special; it's as though he never tires.
"Can you please just give me my phone," Ryan says out of breath, still willing his legs to chase after Brendon. They have been running around the parking lot for nearly fifteen minutes and Brendon still hasn't cracked the security code on Ryan's sidekick.
He wants to read through Ryan's text messages, see if they're already using the big L word. He hasn't heard Ryan say it yet, and he has a feeling that Ryan won't in the vicinity of him anyway. So, he stole Ryan's phone and ran out of the apartment.
Finally Brendon starts to feel the sting in his lungs and he directs his body in the direction of the apartment building again, Ryan still following right behind.
Upon reaching his door, he throws it open and runs toward the couch.
"God, my side fucking hurts," Ryan pants as he clutches his stomach just below his right rib. He sits down beside the exhausted body on the couch.
"Sorry," Brendon heaves with a bright smile, one that obviously means he isn't really.
Ryan shakes his head but returns the smile, "Can I have my phone back?"
"Fine," Brendon says defeated and hands it over easily. Ryan takes it, leaning over toward him; he places a small kiss across Brendon's mouth. A kiss too quick he doesn't even get the chance to participate in it.
Ryan, who apparently realizes what he has just done, clears his throat, "I'll, uh, see you later Bren," he tells Brendon quickly and walks out of the apartment without so much as a glance backward.
Brendon's laying on the couch still, his eyes slightly moist and trying to catch his breath. He called out a shaky, "Bye." a few minutes too late.
***
Ryan's security code is 4-1-2, Brendon's birthday.
***
Ryan and Keltie have been together for a really long time. Too long for Brendon's liking and he is starting to think Ryan's going to marry the damn girl.
So when Ryan confesses his plan to the band, he can't say that he is surprised, or even shocked.
No, it's not shock, just more like an eye-opener for Brendon.
"So yeah. I left a note and my key on her counter," Ryan smiles nervously just recounting his actions.
"I'm asking her to move in."
Brendon feels like his whole world just went spiraling out his grasp.
They are all seated in Jon's living room. Ryan's sprawled out on the floor with Brendon practically in his lap, nothing funny just a nice comfortable and innocent gesture. Spencer is on the black leather recliner that is facing the TV and Jon is lying across the couch. The TV is playing some show in the background and they're just kicking back and talking.
Both Jon and Spencer exchange looks and Brendon being the nice guy that he is, bites his tongue and offers Ryan a big polite grin.
"Aye, Congrats man," he tells Ryan quickly getting up from his sitting position on Ryan and storms out of the living room into the hallway.
Ryan is still on the floor just a tad bit confused.
The silence is deafening until one of them breaks it, "So what? She'll be all moved in by the time we go back home?" Spencer asks, his tone plain, not giving light to his true feelings.
"Yeah, something like that... I mean if she even wants to move in," he answers Spencer and stands up from the floor. "Excuse me," he says to no one in particular and walks off in the general direction Brendon went.
Entering the hallway he sees that one of Jon's guestrooms door is shut. He walks to it and taps on the door. "Brendon."
"What?" Comes the muffled question from behind the door.
"Can I come in?"
"No."
"What the… Brendon seriously," he says as he turns the knob on the door and walks in without waiting for a reply from Brendon. Ryan stands at the door awkwardly.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Brendon answers defiantly, "Why would anything be wrong?" He says from his place on the bed, knees pulled up to his chest. The whole sight isn't quite convincing and Ryan steps further into the room.
"Bear, what's wrong?" Ryan asks quietly as he sits down on the bed. His words are soothing and careful and yet Brendon flinches at the pet name.
He doesn't know what Ryan wants from him and to be quite honest he isn't sure he has anything left to give. It has taken him a lot to even tolerate Keltie, to behave like a best friend would when they spend time together.
The truth is that they could never be just friends and the fact that Ryan is forcing it upon him is just too much for Brendon. He doesn't think he can do it, not anymore.
"I can't do this Ry," he says as he moves away from him and gets up from the bed.
"Do what?"
"This! Us! You! Her!" Brendon clarifies; a pained expression on his face. Ryan's face looks similar to Brendon's, only his face looks more confused and panic-stricken.
"I'm sorry, Bren. I'm sorry. I don't, I didn't. I'm sorry," is all Ryan can think to say.
"I get it. I do Ryan. You love her," Brendon says sitting down again on the far side of the bed. "You love her."
Ryan nods but doesn't say anything.
"And when I say I'm happy for you I mean it. Really, I do," Brendon adds.
Ryan is staring at the floor, breath heavy and weak, and just hating himself at the moment.
"I just. I don't know anymore. I don't." Brendon says standing up from the bed once again. He gives a humorless, almost embarrassed, laugh as he threads his fingers through his hair. "I think I'm just going to go home early. Maybe visit family. Maybe try and stop being bipolar for a few days, something."
He opens the closet and pulls out his roll away bag.
"I'll see you in a few days or whatever," he says as he turns back to give Ryan a quick glance before walking out of Jon Walker's guest room.
Ryan sits there wordlessly trying to collect his scattered thoughts; he's not even sure what just happened.
***
When the rest of Panic gets back from Chicago, Brendon's had quite sometime to calm down and think things through. He had a few days to get over himself and start being a good friend like he always said he would. A few days to realize it's not all about him; he's in a band for Christ sake.
So when Ryan calls him first thing when they land, he offers to call Keltie and pick her up to go greet them at the airport. Yeah, he knows he's being desperate but he can't help it.
He feels like he has completely fucked things up between him and Ryan and he really just wants to make sure things between them will be ok.
Spencer gets a lift home from Haley, and that leaves Brendon trapped in the car with Ryan and Keltie. He is practically playing chauffeur for the couple but he decidedly sticks it out, thinking it's the least he could do.
But when he pulls up to their house, he just sort of feels like dying.
***
Ring. The Ring. No not the movie, Ryan actually gives Keltie a ring. And Brendon, he doesn't even find out until she is wearing it at Ryan's birthday party. A goddamn party that he helped plan.
He's sitting with Jon, because Jon is the second best entertainer inside of Panic, when he sees Ryan and Keltie PDA'ing it up some few feet away. But he's trying not to focus on them. Nope, he's trying to focus on his and Jon's interesting conversation.
But suddenly it catches his eye. It, being the ridiculously shiny speck on Keltie's left hand that's currently cupped around Ryan's arm as they kiss and dance like no tomorrow.
He abruptly stops paying attention to Jon altogether, his mouth agape as he stares disbelievingly. Jon finally seems to notice that Brendon's no longer with him.
"The fuck is that on her hand?" Brendon finds himself asking with no actual knowledge of his mouth moving.
"What?" Jon asks confused.
"That thing," Brendon points, "on Keltie's hand!"
"Oh, fuck," Jon says honestly bewildered. "Maybe it's just a gift," he tries to reason, "Maybe it's not what we think."
"Jon, seriously look at it," Brendon says with pleading eyes.
"Yeah," is all he says, still staring at the canoodling couple.
Brendon feels like crying but no tears surface and fall, he just feels that tightening in his chest that makes it harder to breathe. He wants to run away and never look back, but he can't. He's sort of glued to the spot, it's like watching a car crash, something you don’t want to see but it's sort of inevitable. Cause if you're meant to witness something, you most definitely will.
"If it's not what we think," he says and it's getting harder to speak, "Why the fuck is she wearing it on her ring finger?" He asks in a shrieking manner.
Without answering, Jon tugs him away from the table and pulls him outside the bar. The autumn New York air is seriously refreshing but not enough to take his mind away from what he just saw.
Brendon coughs and squeezes his eyes shut tightly. God, this can't be happening, he tells himself. Jon wraps his arms tightly around the younger and smaller male. And Brendon, well he finally breaks down, tears flowing freely with soft gasps.
After a few minutes of letting Brendon cry against him, Jon speaks. "Look, just… don't think about it," Jon tells him and Brendon just shakes harder against him.
Jon sighs; he just doesn't want to see Brendon like this. To see his heart break every time he's in the same room with Ryan and Keltie. The kid doesn't deserve it and Jon just wants to make him feel better if he can.
Stroking Brendon's head gently, he speaks, "I'll even help you, Ok?"
Brendon nods his head against Jon finally calming down a bit, "How?"
"Well. First, we go back inside and I buy you some more drinks and then we go out clubbing and dance into the early hours of tomorrow. I know it sounds like a shitty plan, but it’s really the only thing I can come up with on such short notice," Jon says with a hint humor.
Brendon actually laughs at that. "No, it actually says sounds like an ok plan," he says offering Jon a smile that's so unhappy, it makes Jon want to go inside and kick Ryan's ass on Brendon's behalf.
Jon gives him a good squeeze before he holds the door open so they can enter the bar for the second time that night.
***
They get shit faced. Shit faced to the point they can't even go clubbing and that's ok, because Brendon's no longer thinking about stupid Keltie and that ring he thinks should really be his.
He's not thinking at all; he's passed out drunk on a hotel bed.
***
The break up is a messy one, but truth be told no one sees it coming, except for maybe everyone with two eyes.
The reality is; it's a celebration for some.
Brendon smokes a big bowl with Shane when he finds out.
Jon does a happy dance all the way back in Chicago.
And Spencer takes Ryan out for drinks... Ok that last one may have been taken out of context.
***
He timidly makes his way into the bar barely peeking his head into the place as he scans the room. Suddenly there is a hand traveling toward his groin. It doesn't rub or pat but actually squeezes.
This totally catches Brendon off guard and he jumps. He whips around to come face to face with a seductress in the form of a dark haired woman in her late twenties.
She isn't unattractive or anything, she just comes of a little too strong and that’s definitely not his thing.
Her mouth parts as she speaks slowly, "What can I do for you, sweetie?" and the way she said it, says she can do a lot and it makes Brendon gulp.
He chuckles, it's forceful but nervous. "Nothing," he says bluntly then scurries away. She pretends that she isn't disappointed as she makes her way to her next potential customer.
He continues on his way, looking around, trying to spot Ryan. He is not even sure if he is still there at the bar; Spencer only called him about a half hour before, telling him that they had gone out in an attempt to cheer Ryan up.
With drinks?
The plan seemed to have back fired anyway because Ryan had refused to leave the bar and go home.
Brendon can't help but think it was a stupid plan in the first place, which now has him looking around the bar and desperately avoiding the many whores trying to get at him.
He is about ready to give up when he hears forceful giggles coming from a booth in the back of the bar. His eyes travel toward what looks like a couple. But no, it is Ryan; he can tell because he's wearing the paisley scarf he gave him for his past birthday.
Ryan's sitting there with some whore, mind you their in a booth, in his lap who has short blonde hair and is skinny as hell.
Brendon sighs, thinking that she probably reminds Ryan of Keltie, because that's definitely who she reminds Brendon of, even if it could be the fact that he is just a little high. Just a bit.
He makes his way to the booth, stopping his steps once he is standing right beside them. They don't even notice him at first, so engulfed in their groping and Brendon has to clear his throat to make them aware of his presence.
Both their heads snap toward him, the girl obviously sizing him up while Ryan just looks confused.
Brendon sends the girl a hard stare. "Thank you, that'll be all for tonight," he tells her giving her that look that says, 'leave skank'.
She doesn't make any move to get up instead she just squirms around in Ryan's lap causing him to take a sharp intake of breath.
Brendon's getting impatient and maybe just a tad bit jealous. But isn't practically two years worth of jealousy enough?
"Look, whatever you thought you were getting, you're obviously not anymore. So go find some other guy to beg to fuck you," he snaps at the girl. She looks taken aback at first but then her expression changes to one of pure loathing.
She looks toward Ryan expectantly, but he turns away, immediately avoiding eye contact. She scoffs when Ryan looks toward Brendon offering him a half-sheepish and half-apologetic smile.
Brendon's had enough of her and helps pull her off of Ryan's lap.
She is wearing an extremely distasteful short skirt that has ridden up past her upper thigh and the ending curve of her ass. Brendon, apparently even more annoyed with her presence after witnessing her outfit, gently gives her a shove to leave. She only glares at them both as she stumbles away, not even bothering to fix her crooked skirt.
He slides into the seat across from Ryan, taking in the older male's tipsy appearance. Another woman comes over to their booth and luckily this time it's just a waitress.
"Can I see some ID?" she says sweetly to Brendon, catching him by surprise. Most of the time when people card him in Vegas there is nothing sweet about it, it is all rude and accusatory tones stating if he is not over twenty-one he doesn't belong there. Instead he belongs in some Chuck E. Cheese across the street.
He hands the polite women his card and she checks it, her eyes expertly scanning over his date of birth.
"Alright sweetie," she tells him handing his ID back to him. "What can I get you?"
His eyes flicker to Ryan and then back to the waitress. "Two Coronas and a vodka and Red Bull." She imprints the order and offers a smile to the depressing sight then scurried back to the bar.
He only ordered a beer for Ryan and the other drinks are for himself. At the moment he could really used a drink or two. He needs to relax a bit in fear of being an insensitive asshole to Ryan's state.
Ryan suddenly glares at him. "If you were gonna stay for a while you could've let her stay, you know. I was having a good time-"
"With her in your lap?" Brendon interrupts, "And then your dumbass will get all worked up and you two will end up leaving together. Next thing we know it's 9 months later your being subpoenaed with child support papers, or even worse, when we go back on tour your puking your brains out and have some mysterious rash on your cock and can't do shit because you've contracted some viral disease form the whore," Brendon finishes throwing his hands up in exasperation.
And that is exactly why he really needs a drink. In that short monologue he just called Ryan a dumbass who apparently couldn't take care of himself at the moment.
"So, yeah, no thank you," he adds.
Ryan sighs. He perks up as soon as the waitress came back to their table baring drinks. Brendon does too; he is glad for the sedative that will help him relax a bit more.
He pays the waitress for the drinks and even gives her a tip for the fact that she was genuinely nice to them and that she didn't seem to lag it with their order.
Brendon slides over one of the Coronas toward Ryan and pops open the can of Red Bull for himself, tipping its contents into a glass filled halfway with vodka and ice.
He picks up the bobbing straw and begins to mix it as he turns his attention back to Ryan. The older male is staring blankly at the bottle in his hand, obviously thinking. And the way his eyes are staring into the bottle and looking absolutely miserable almost makes Brendon feel bad for him. Almost.
"So... you wanna talk about it?" Brendon asks.
Ryan eyes shoot toward him and suddenly he looks as though he is going through some internal battle. One part telling him to be a man, suck it up, the other screaming to go on and let it all out. And really for the most part he already knows what Ryan is dealing with, what he's feeling, but from the look of the current predicament he figures maybe talking about it would be better that attempting to drink it away.
"I, I, uh," Ryan begins, and so do the tears however much he tried to repress them, it didn’t work.
"It's not fair," the tears fall but there are no sobs just the angry cracking of Ryan's voice.
Brendon nods both in understanding and a signal for him to continue.
"Maybe I was blind but, I thought everything was fine. Up until now she'd been ok with everything. Now all of a sudden she's all, 'I'm sorry Ry, I can't take this anymore'. She starts talking about how it seems like she's second best. And that I'm always talking about the band whenever I'm with her.
"That it's always me or the band and never her. Fuck! I mean if I'm not on tour or at signings or gigs, where am I? I'm with her! I don't know what the hell she was talking about. When was the last time we hung out together outside of Panic?
"Supposedly I don't give her shit about her job or whenever she has jobs out of the country.
"Maybe this is all about the fact that she doesn't have shit to do and has no jobs at the moment. Fuck, maybe she's just bored and pissed off because I have shit to do and I can't be there to keep her busy. Maybe she's just jealous!
"Maybe she's right and I am being an asshole boyfriend. Maybe I'm just not good enough for her."
The last part is added in small murmur the anger seemingly being replaced for self doubt and yeah... pity.
Brendon sighs and takes the last gulp of his drink.
"Hey," he calls out and Ryan looks at him reluctantly.
"You know that's not true Ry," he reasons.
"Yeah it is. I suck at relationships," Ryan counters indignantly.
"Hey, no it's not true," he starts again and Ryan gives him a look that tells him to quit with the bullshit.
Stubbornly he tries again, "While you might suck at relationships, you are good enough. You’re good enough for anyone. Ok?"
Ryan rolls his eyes, "Yeah right."
Brendon sighs, and really he shouldn't be this upset because in all fairness Ryan is talking out of his ass at that moment. He is drunk and yeah Brendon knows that. But it still pisses him off that Ryan is so broken over Keltie. In his opinion she ruined everything her damn self. In his opinion she's the reason Ryan started to keep a distance from Brendon and vise versa. In his opinion she took Ryan away from him.
"Ryan, listen, Ok? I'm fucking serious. Keltie is just a stupid needy fuckin' attention-" he looks around and spots three girls hanging all over a lone guy.
The guy looks like he is rather enjoying himself, though.
He shrugs and expels the word he'd been dancing around all night. "A whore. Ok?"
Something flickers in Ryan's eyes and for a moment it looks as though he might argue. But he doesn't, instead he agrees, "You know what? You're right and I should've known from all those times she kept giving Jon those 'fuck me' eyes whenever she thought I wasn’t looking."
Brendon shakes his head, "Exactly, man. Wait, what?"
Ryan shakes his head ignoring Brendon's shocked face, "I'm not stupid, man."
He's almost done with his own Corona, Ryan has been done with his for a few moments and is once again sitting there looking bored and miserable.
Brendon downs the last of his beer and sets it down on the table top. He allows himself a good stretch as he stands up from the booth and looks around the depressing atmosphere.
"Get up."
"Wait, where are we going?" Ryan asks clearly confused.
"I'm talking you home. So get up."
"Home where?" Ryan looks absolutely petrified and Brendon snorts amused.
"You're drunk stupid. I'm taking you to your house," he tells Ryan unnecessarily.
"Oh," Ryan says realizing his thoughts are indeed fuzzy, "Right. Ok." However he still hasn't gotten up from the booth and he isn't sure he even wants to.
Brendon pinches the bridge of his nose as pointless frustration over takes him again and he starts walking away from the booth. Expecting Ryan to follow, he doesn't even look back; just staggers outside of the bar with a quite pleasant buzz from the two drinks and the weed he smoked in his apartment before leaving.
Few seconds later Ryan exits the bar attempting to straighten himself out. He flattens the ruffles on his shirt from the girl, when she was pressed up against him as he follows Brendon to the car, without saying a word he gets in.
Brendon follows suit. He checks his mirrors and fastens his seat belt suddenly feeling very OCD about diving regulations. As he starts up the car he thinks that maybe he shouldn't be driving but he concludes that no, he isn't drunk; he is just really really relaxed.
"Seatbelt," he tells Ryan who complies with a noisy grunt.
Brendon heads for Ryan's house humming a low tune that doesn't amount to an actual song, just random noises. The ride isn't long but when they pull up to the house he notices that Ryan has already fallen asleep.
Brendon rests his head on his hands that are still gripping the steering wheel. He's trying to avoid thinking but it's hard, all he wants to do is think and that's probably due to the weed.
He sighs knowing he has to wake Ryan up and should probably help him to bed. But he looks so peaceful not thinking about anything, especially Keltie, with his mouth parted and glistening with the beginnings of drool.
Brendon rubs at his eyes before gently shaking Ryan awake.
"Come on Ryan, wake up."
"I'm up," he mumbles not even stirring.
"Get out then, you're home," he tells him voice still quiet. To his surprise Ryan sits up and he undoes his seat belt blindly and sleepily makes his way out of the car.
"You need help?" Brendon asks warily because he honestly doesn’t trust that Ryan will be ok tonight.
"Nah, I'm fine," he tells Brendon then attempts to close the car door, only he's still standing between the door and car so he just ends up hitting himself in the process.
He lets out a groan and Brendon sighs unbuckling himself as well. He follows Ryan who has successfully closed the car door and is now walking up the pathway still rubbing at his arm drunkenly.
Once they reach the door Ryan fishes his keys out of his pocket and leans against the wall. Brendon looks at him questioningly and Ryan just hands over his keys to him, apparently already sensing he won't be able to open the door himself if he bothers to try.
When they finally make it inside they part ways, Ryan heads to his bedroom and Brendon goes into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.
When it's done he takes a cup to Ryan's bedroom only to find Ryan laying face down shirtless on top of his bedspread.
Brendon walks over to the nightstand by the bed and sets the cup down.
"Ryan, I made coffee," he says nudging Ryan awake once again. Grunting he rolls over and sits up slowly, he makes grabby hands toward the cup.
Brendon laughs but carefully places the steaming mug in Ryan's hands. "It's hot," he warns. Ryan whimpers as he takes a gulp.
"Idiot, I told you it was hot," he takes the cup as Ryan hands it back to him and sets it back down on a nightstand. "Any serious damage?" Brendon asks half-mockingly as he crawls into the bed next to Ryan.
Ryan rubs his tongue across his top lip, feeling the extent of the damage as it exit and enter his mouth repeatedly. "I don't know... its kind of numb," he tells Brendon unsure.
Brendon grips Ryan's chin; his eyes surveying Ryan's lips and then flickering to his eyes. It's stupid, he knows it is, but he doesn't fight the urge and he slowly brings their mouths together. He doesn't bother to make eye contact because Ryan's eyes slip shut as soon as Brendon's hand was gently gripping his chin.
Ryan's mouth opens freely and Brendon's tongue is already forcefully exploring. He briefly wonders why he's even doing this, why he's kissing Ryan as though his life depends on it but he really rather stop thinking and enjoy this. Mainly because it's been so long and he'd rather think about it when his thoughts actually make sense. So, his hand releases Ryan's chin and moves to curl behind his neck instead.
The soothing movements of his thumb softly stroking Ryan's nape and their tongues practically rubbing in some odd rhythm are keeping Ryan's eyes sealed shut. Both of them are unwilling to part for air and are only using the air that's supplied nasally. Or at least Brendon is. He isn't even sure if Ryan's even breathing but the fact that he is at least participating is enough proof that he hasn't died of asphyxiation yet.
Brendon is pushing his body against Ryan's in an attempt to get Ryan to lie down. Only Ryan won't budge and is just pushing back against him.
Brendon attempts to pull back so that he can tell him to lay the fuck down but suddenly Ryan's arms are wrapping around his waist and finally. Finally he lays back pulling Brendon down on top of him.
Brendon sighs into Ryan's mouth finally breaking the kiss.
Before Brendon can say anything Ryan speaks, "You're stupid," he says lightly. Brendon laughs as he settles his head on Ryan's shoulder.
"Why?"
"You were only supposed to check the 'extent of the damage'."
"Well how could I even tell, I'm not the one who burned their tongue," he says lifting his head to reveal a smirk.
This time Ryan laughs.
"Besides, I was trying to make you feel better," he says lying his head back down.
"Well you did so thanks." Brendon nods knowingly.
"I know another way you can make me feel better," Ryan suggests lowly.
"How's that?" Brendon asks. His voice deep and curious as his index finger gently taps Ryan's shoulder. Ryan grabs his hand, Brendon's finger in mid motion. Smirking he guides it to his mouth sucking it in, Brendon eyes widen slightly before slipping shut.
He lets his tongue roam the underside of the finger and hollows his cheeks around it. He holds Brendon's hand steady in his own as he tries his best to bob his head up and down while in the position he's in.
His own cock is already getting painfully hard with Brendon's weight on him and when he releases Brendon's finger he is more than ready and worked up.
Brendon groans loudly as he slides down Ryan's body.
Ryan laughs again and right then he can blame his giddy mood on his intoxicated state.
Brendon undoes the belt on Ryan's not-too-tight-jeans and hardly struggles to slide them down. He lets them pool around his ankles too impatient to take off Ryan's shoes and rid him of the pants completely.
"Dude, do you ever wear underwear?" Brendon almost completely forgot about that, but this instance definitely reminds him and it sends this retarded warm feeling straight to his stomach.
"Hardly," Ryan answers him, breath heavy.
Brendon just shakes his head before he settles it in between Ryan's thighs. He lays a hand on Ryan's hip just in case Ryan's gets impatient and decides to do all the work and fuck his mouth.
"Any day, Bren."
"Well, if I'm taking too long for you, you can go ahead and go back to that skanky ass girl at the bar," Brendon says, eyebrow raised.
"Well if you’re going to tell me stuff like that, then maybe I should," Ryan says while attempting to get up. However Brendon does not grant him the satisfaction. Nope, instead he just not-so-gently digs his fingertips into the muscle of Ryan's inner thigh causing the older male to moan loudly.
Brendon's sure it's not from pleasure either, but he doesn't really care because it has gotten the job done, Ryan is once again lying on the bed impatiently.
"Asshole," Ryan groans.
Brendon shrugs and dips his head kissing Ryan's thigh. He makes an appreciative noise in his throat; Ryan's skin against his lips feels good, feels familiar. And the sigh that leaves Ryan's mouth makes him think that maybe Ryan feels the same. Like maybe he's missed Brendon as much as Brendon missed him.
His hot breath is finally against Ryan's cock and Ryan probably thinking it's about damn time when Brendon's lips finally take him in.
Ryan squirms, his mind a bit clearer and a tad hazier all at once. His hips are dying to buck up but a restricting hand on them is stopping him from the action. So instead he's pushing his ass back against the bed and his hands are gripping and releasing the spread of his bed, slightly tugging and then smoothing it down.
Ryan groans loudly and Brendon looks up because it doesn't sound like a pleasured noise more like a frustrated one.
Brendon rolls his eyes, "Just play with my hair or something." And really he only suggested it for his own benefit, he loves it when people are touching his head either one and playing with his hair.
His mouth goes back to working its magic, drawing Ryan into another level of alertness and incoherent-ness. Ryan's twirling and threading his fingers in Brendon's hair and Brendon is pretty sure this is what Heaven's like in some twisted sinful way.
Ryan moans loudly when Brendon slides his tongue over the slit of his cock. Enjoying Ryan's needy outburst he wraps his mouth around Ryan's once again, sucking and adding pressure slightly with each withdrawal.
His free hand, the one that isn't restraining Ryan's hips, moves up to cup at his balls, rubbing in slow circular motion and Ryan grows still, holding his breath as he wills himself not to come yet.
Brendon pulls off of his cock and places a kiss on Ryan's thigh. "Ryan, come on. Come for me," he coaxes.
Ryan lets out a slow breath when he feels Brendon's hand wrap around his dick, starting to pump at different speeds.
Ryan hips are moving at their own accord and at that point Brendon is traveling back up Ryan's body, biting his lower lip because at that point he's so fucking hard he might explode..
He releases his bottom lip to capture Ryan's, nibbling gently. Ryan's tongue forces itself into Brendon's mouth and he can't suppress the moan that escapes.
With a squeeze of Brendon's hand the kiss falters, Ryan gasps out Brendon's name as he comes over Brendon's hand and his lower stomach, Brendon stroking him through his orgasm.
Ryan's breathing is slowly regaining its normal pace and Brendon's hand is already working on his own needs.
Ryan grabs at his wrist, "I got it," he says replacing Brendon's hand. He strokes and squeezes, alternating pressures and soon enough Brendon's coming with a loud shuddering moan.
They lay there regaining proper functions of their bodies and normal breathing patterns.
"I'm sorry," Ryan says quietly once his voice feels steady enough to speak.
Brendon shakes his head. "You'd better be," he tells Ryan not even bothering to make his words sound stern.
Ryan laughs shaking his head. "I am," he says and places a warm kiss against the corner of Brendon's mouth. Brendon smiles at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling a bit.
Sure this isn't the way he imagined it would happen. Not at all actually. For one, he didn't imagine them being drunk and two, he imagined the apology would've came before the sex but, he thinks that maybe he's always had too high of expectations when it comes to Ryan. And for now he's willing to take whatever Ryan will give him.
Because up until now Ryan hasn't given him much of anything.
"What are you thinking?" Ryan asks placing a kiss in the crook of Brendon's neck.
"That Keltie is a dumb bitch. And you're better off without her," Brendon answers half honest as his thoughts turn to the subject, also seeing no reason to hold back on the Keltie bashing.
Ryan nods against him, "Yeah? I think so too."
edit: twitter quote!
brendonuriesays love me, love me. say that you love me. i can't care about anything but you.
Tue 23 Jun via 2:07pm via web
hehe, go figure :D
Rating: NC-17, for sexual situations :D
POV & Tense: Third, Present.
Pairing: Ryden.. because anything else is a sin (or it should be).
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They own me.
Word count: Drabble-ish. 8,600 something.
Notes: A little fic I wrote a while back, which took too long to write and is quite pointless. I kind of just really wanted to make Brendon into some cute pathetic little love fool. *Shrugs* I'm kind of proud of it... I can't shit words out like some people can so impressed myself with the lengthiness of it.
Beta'd: ms_deathbat(Asherr) and youlookslashy (Nora), thank you soo much lovies!
As soon as Ryan walks through the lounge Brendon pulls him down gently into his lap and circles his arms around the small boy. "Hey, Ry," he says with a wistful smile.
Ryan attempts to smile back, but it quickly falters.
"Is something wrong?" Brendon asks uncurling his arms when he realized Ryan's behavior is anything but the usual.
"Huh? What... no," He answers getting up from Brendon's lap. Frowning at his answer, Brendon scoots over slightly to give Ryan room to sit on the small red couch of the tour bus.
"You're lying," Brendon accuses with a slight frown adorning his face. "What's on your mind?"
Ryan purses his lips as he looks down at his lap, while Brendon carefully studies his face, gauging his reaction to the question. The smile that flashes across Ryan's face is one Brendon recognizes instantly.
It is a smile that Ryan always gives him, the one that makes him feel so incredibly special. This time the smile happened so fast he felt nothing but apprehension, it's as though that smile hadn't been intended for him, as if it is intended for someone else. And that's when it dawns on him.
"Who's on your mind?" he revises his previous question causing Ryan's head to look up from his lap. And there it is again, that smile, but it looks so different when it's not directed toward him and that's enough to make his chest ache.
"I met someone, Bren," Ryan states, his smile somehow spreading over his cheeks and coloring them with affection.
Brendon turns his body to face Ryan; he only does it so there is a bigger space between the two of them. He isn't going to make a big deal of this. Ryan is his friend. They are just friends.
Ryan, who apparently doesn't notice Brendon's reaction is one of rebuff rather than one of interest, pulls Brendon closer. Brendon lets out a soundless sigh and lays his head on Ryan's shoulder.
He would prefer Ryan wrap his arms around him but the older male doesn't and he isn't about to ask him to. "Who is it?" He asks willing his voice to cooperate with him and not let him sound as broken as he feels.
"Her name's Keltie and she's gorgeous, Bren," he says happily as he trails his arm up and down Brendon's side.
Keltie. Keltie, the name rings a bell but he can't exactly pin point why.
"That's great, Ry," he says as he turns to look at Ryan with a big fictitious smile and Ryan's own smile falters slightly as Brendon stands up suddenly.
He bends down slightly in front of Ryan as he speaks.
"I'm happy for you," he says more believable now but it's still slightly forced and he vaguely wishes he wasn't such an emotional person. His voice is so close to giving him away.
Ryan looks confused, but he nods and when he shifts up to kiss him, Brendon turns his head and places his lips against Ryan's cheek instead.
When he moves away, he doesn't meet Ryan's eyes and whispers a quick goodnight before leaving the lounge and heading toward the bunks.
***
"Try and be nice Brendon," Spencer says, words harsh.
"I am nice," Brendon argues loudly, "I'm the nicest one in this band!" Jon rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything.
"Be nice to her," Spencer tells him, that time with a glare. Brendon huffs but deflates with a nod. "Fine," he mumbles and goes to sit on the couch as they wait for Ryan to come back to the bus.
Of course Ryan won't be alone; he will be bringing Keltie along with him. None of them have actually know who she is and that evening they are all suppose to go out and get acquainted with each other.
Just the thought of it makes Brendon sick, the last thing he wants to do is spend the evening watching Ryan canoodle with some girl. Girlfriend… whatever, she is just a girl in Brendon's opinion.
Soon there is shuffling outside the door and they can hear low voices outside the bus. They easily recognize Ryan's voice and whose voice they can only assume belongs to Keltie.
When they finally enter the bus it is dead silent, except that Brendon hears something inexplicable shatter. Maybe it's his heart or perhaps his brain?
She is absolutely beautiful. "No wonder," he mumbles to himself.
"Guys, this is Keltie," Ryan gestures toward the blonde, "Kelt, this is the guys."
A pet name already? Someone please kill me, Brendon thinks.
"Weren't you in one of our videos or something?" Jon asks her with curious eyes.
She laughs, her stunning smile showing itself uncalled up and Brendon really wants to stab his own eyes out.
"Close, I performed with you guys during the VMAs." Ryan smiles proudly at her and Brendon's just kind of staring at them now.
"Keltie Colleen," slips from his mouth and everyone turns to look at him. That is why her name sounded so familiar; it was printed all over their dressing room the night of the performance.
"Yeah," she answers unnecessarily, that fucking smile still in place.
***
They decide a club would be the best setting. How they decide that is a complete mystery to Brendon. He is pretty much detached for the beginning of the night. Only nodding and smiling when being spoken to in fear of saying the wrong thing or coming off as a complete asshole to Ryan's new girlfriend.
After a few drinks he loosens up and before too long he is his normal talkative self, but of course he never really goes out of his way to make conversation with Keltie.
Ok, so maybe he tries to avoid talking to her completely. But she is definitely making an effort to get to know him better; with her sick inducing sweet smiles and happy persona.
Her boyfriend's words most likely repeating in her head, "He's so amazing, Kelt. You'll love him." And so far, she can see that Ryan feels fondly toward the boy and it's obvious that it's mutual. She cans see Brendon's admiration for Ryan all night.
After a few songs Ryan leads Keltie away from the dance floor. Exhausted she announces that she needs a drink, nodding he drives her back to the table.
"Just water?" He asks as she sits down next to Jon smiling, she nods. Suddenly he turns his body and attention toward Brendon.
"Bren, you want anything," he asks and maybe it is just out of habit, but he feels compelled to ask and make sure Brendon's set.
Brendon grins but shakes his head and Ryan walks off toward the bar.
Keltie sits there awkwardly between the boys, her lips pursed. She eyes Brendon curiously who is still starring off in the direction Ryan went.
"I really like him, you know," she says muted over the loud music, her voice conveying a confession. Brendon's eyes shoot to her, somehow being able to have heard her, his eyebrows furrow together as he nods.
"That's... good," he tells her with a smile that's careful but genuine. At least he is making the effort to be nice to her; not once has he tried to dance with Ryan and he didn't even take up his offer for a drink. See, nice.
When Ryan comes back with Keltie's drink, he sits down between Jon and Keltie, who are sitting across from Brendon and Spencer.
He sets down the drink on the table.
Smirking she tells him she had asked for a water.
With an innocent smile he asks, "Did you?"
She laughs and picks up the clear glass filled with pink liquid in front of her. Taking a sip she makes an appreciative sound. "Thanks," she tells him scooting closer, "Cosmos are my favorite."
Brendon just sits there, trying not to stare at how Ryan's arm hangs around her waist, or how his long fingers play with her blouse. He tries not to stare at how Ryan whispers things into her ear because the music is just too loud, or how she pretends not to hear him just so she can lean in closer. He tries not to stare at everything thing they do.
His tries are futile.
Finally, having enough, he stands up from the table and practically jogs toward the bar. He quickly scans the area for a potential drink hook-up since he doesn't turn twenty one for another year and some months.
He focuses on a guy toward the middle of the bar that seems to be in his mid twenties, no older than twenty seven. The guy isn't anything special but he at least looks like he swings that way so Brendon figures it should be enough.
He runs his fingers through his hair and quickly moistens his lips as he makes his way toward the guy.
Upon reaching the bar, he rests his elbows on the counter and cocks his hip to the side. Instantly he feels the man's burning gaze on him and he carefully hides his triumphant little smirk.
A few minutes later he thanks the guy for the drink and walks back toward the table. If the guy thought he is getting anything in return for the drink then he was sadly mistaken.
"How'd you get that?" Jon asks him curiously once he is back at the table. Brendon smirks. "Oh I have my ways," he says with a waggle of his brows, and takes a seat.
Keltie's burst of laughter makes everyone's eyes turn to her. Ryan frowns, not finding the situation humorous, but everyone else already seems to be laughing with her.
Brendon is still smirking, this time it's directed toward Ryan. And Keltie is just smiling prettily and oblivious after her little fit of laughter.
She already likes Brendon a lot. And well Brendon, he can't say that the feeling is mutual.
***
Brendon walks into the dressing room frustrated. He spots Jon and Spencer both sitting in chairs across from each other talking. "Ugh, where is he?" he asked pointlessly as he throws himself onto the beige couch.
Spencer huffs. "Where the fuck do you think?"
Brendon glares at him as best he can through hurt eyes.
"Spencer, calm down I'm sure he'll be here any minute," Jon tells him. "And leave Brendon alone it's not his fault."
Spencer sighs and says, "Sorry."
Brendon nods at his apology but the hurt look on his face is still there.
The door flies open seconds later, "Guys I'm so sorry," Ryan pants, his cheeks slightly flushed from jogging.
"You missed sound check fucker," Spencer spits, his tone completely aggravated.
Ryan nods. "Sorry. Keltie got into an argument with her parents. She was practically having a crisis," Ryan says, "Besides, one of the techies filled in for me, right?"
"Yeah, they did," Brendon mumbles.
Spencer gives him a look and he coils further into the couch. Spencer, still upset continues, "You could've at least answered your fucking phone." (When he's upset he pretends the only obscenities he knows are variations of the word fuck.)
Ryan glares at his best friend. "I turned my phone off, I didn't want to be rude," he defends, "she needed me."
"Well we need you too, you're in a fucking band for Christ sake. You could've at least fucking called and told us you were on your way when you left. We were so fucking close to sending everyone home, Ryan."
Ryan nods his head again, defeated.
"Just hurry up and get ready, I'm going to go call Pete and tell him you're here," Spencer says a lot softer now and heads out the dressing room door.
***
Brendon walks into the lounge of the bus and hears whispering. He stays put because, God, he is a goddamn wiz at eavesdropping.
"Just stay away from her or something," he recognizes Spencer's voice.
"It's not like I can just stay away from her. Ryan always brings her everywhere." And that's definitely Jon.
"Unless you want to tell Ryan," Spencer offers.
"Tell Ryan what?" Brendon walks in further making himself visible to the two.
Jon is sitting on the couch and Spencer is on a chair Brendon supposes he pulled into the lounge from the kitchenette. "Jesus! Brendon!" Jon let out practically heaving for air. "You don't just sneak up on people. I thought we had that discussion a while back."
Brendon raises an eyebrow, "Tell Ryan what?" He repeats ignoring Jon's sad attempt at a subject change.
Jon looks at Spencer pleadingly but the blue eyed boy just shrugs.
"Uh... Tell Ryan that, uh," Jon starts, he's still facing Spencer and the secrecy of it all is already making Brendon impatient.
He should just tell Brendon seeing how the younger boy has an infinite way of getting the truth out of anyone. But it's just that Brendon also has one of the biggest mouths anyone has ever come across and he's bound to let information slip out.
"Why can't you just tell me?! I know you guys were talking about Ryan and Keltie. So seriously just spit it out," Brendon attunes, yeah he's always the impatient bugger.
Spencer sighs and speaks carefully on Jon's behalf, "Tell Ryan that Keltie has been coming on to him."
Brendon gasps. "Are you serious?"
"No Brendon, I'm not serious," Spencer deadpans sarcastically. "Can you just... not be clueless for a second?" he huffs. Brendon gives him an insulted look.
"Like, what has she done? I've seen her look at you in weird ways but I never thought she'd actually try anything," Brendon asks Jon who is sitting with his head in his hands.
"Yeah, well she did," he says lifting his head to look at Brendon. "When she came over yesterday, she was waiting out here because Ryan was taking a shower. I wasn't even here yet but then I got on the bus and she was sitting here. And uhm, you should've seen the look she gave me, guys.
"I said hi to be polite and all. And she was all, 'Jonathon sit with me? I'm bored and Ryan is taking too long.' I didn't think much of it so I sat down, you know?
"Yeah well big mistake. She was all over me, her hand creeping up my thigh and her lips on my neck. I was too fucking shocked to move. Normally a pretty girl does something like that and I'm the first to cooperate but I have Cassie and I love her, so much and I could never do that to her or Ryan.
"Anyway, I heard the squeak of the bathroom door and I shot up and out the bus," Jon finishes and places his head back into his hands.
"But you didn't do anything wrong? Jon, don't get all upset. She came onto you. And you left before anything could really happen," Brendon tries to reassure.
Jon nods halfheartedly, "Yeah I know, but still, it's going to be awkward around them. And I seriously can't avoid them forever. Ryan's like family to me. Do you know how awkward this is for me?"
"I think you should tell Ryan, I mean he has a right to know," Brendon voices.
"No! And you better not say anything Brendon. I'm serious! I know you'd take any opportunity you'd have to break them up and as much as I don't like the idea of Ryan being with someone like Keltie. I'd rather not be the reason they break up. Ok?"
"Ok, sorry," Brendon starts, his voice torn, "But he has to have seen the way Keltie looks at you sometimes, he's not stupid Jon."
"Ryan isn't stupid but love blinds people, Brendon. You'll understand when you fall in love. Nothing matters but the other person," Spencer tells him honestly.
Brendon feels his chest ache a little, "You-u. You think he loves her?" And the way he asks it sounds as though he doesn't want an answer.
"Probably," Jon says as empathetically as he can.
Without another word Brendon heads toward the bunks, Spencer words repeating in his head.
Brendon already understood. He understood all to well.
***
"Give me my phone, Brendon!"
"Never!" Brendon yells as he runs around the parking lot, Ryan right on his tail.
With Ryan's long legs he usually out runs Brendon, but Brendon's endurance is something quite special; it's as though he never tires.
"Can you please just give me my phone," Ryan says out of breath, still willing his legs to chase after Brendon. They have been running around the parking lot for nearly fifteen minutes and Brendon still hasn't cracked the security code on Ryan's sidekick.
He wants to read through Ryan's text messages, see if they're already using the big L word. He hasn't heard Ryan say it yet, and he has a feeling that Ryan won't in the vicinity of him anyway. So, he stole Ryan's phone and ran out of the apartment.
Finally Brendon starts to feel the sting in his lungs and he directs his body in the direction of the apartment building again, Ryan still following right behind.
Upon reaching his door, he throws it open and runs toward the couch.
"God, my side fucking hurts," Ryan pants as he clutches his stomach just below his right rib. He sits down beside the exhausted body on the couch.
"Sorry," Brendon heaves with a bright smile, one that obviously means he isn't really.
Ryan shakes his head but returns the smile, "Can I have my phone back?"
"Fine," Brendon says defeated and hands it over easily. Ryan takes it, leaning over toward him; he places a small kiss across Brendon's mouth. A kiss too quick he doesn't even get the chance to participate in it.
Ryan, who apparently realizes what he has just done, clears his throat, "I'll, uh, see you later Bren," he tells Brendon quickly and walks out of the apartment without so much as a glance backward.
Brendon's laying on the couch still, his eyes slightly moist and trying to catch his breath. He called out a shaky, "Bye." a few minutes too late.
***
Ryan's security code is 4-1-2, Brendon's birthday.
***
Ryan and Keltie have been together for a really long time. Too long for Brendon's liking and he is starting to think Ryan's going to marry the damn girl.
So when Ryan confesses his plan to the band, he can't say that he is surprised, or even shocked.
No, it's not shock, just more like an eye-opener for Brendon.
"So yeah. I left a note and my key on her counter," Ryan smiles nervously just recounting his actions.
"I'm asking her to move in."
Brendon feels like his whole world just went spiraling out his grasp.
They are all seated in Jon's living room. Ryan's sprawled out on the floor with Brendon practically in his lap, nothing funny just a nice comfortable and innocent gesture. Spencer is on the black leather recliner that is facing the TV and Jon is lying across the couch. The TV is playing some show in the background and they're just kicking back and talking.
Both Jon and Spencer exchange looks and Brendon being the nice guy that he is, bites his tongue and offers Ryan a big polite grin.
"Aye, Congrats man," he tells Ryan quickly getting up from his sitting position on Ryan and storms out of the living room into the hallway.
Ryan is still on the floor just a tad bit confused.
The silence is deafening until one of them breaks it, "So what? She'll be all moved in by the time we go back home?" Spencer asks, his tone plain, not giving light to his true feelings.
"Yeah, something like that... I mean if she even wants to move in," he answers Spencer and stands up from the floor. "Excuse me," he says to no one in particular and walks off in the general direction Brendon went.
Entering the hallway he sees that one of Jon's guestrooms door is shut. He walks to it and taps on the door. "Brendon."
"What?" Comes the muffled question from behind the door.
"Can I come in?"
"No."
"What the… Brendon seriously," he says as he turns the knob on the door and walks in without waiting for a reply from Brendon. Ryan stands at the door awkwardly.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," Brendon answers defiantly, "Why would anything be wrong?" He says from his place on the bed, knees pulled up to his chest. The whole sight isn't quite convincing and Ryan steps further into the room.
"Bear, what's wrong?" Ryan asks quietly as he sits down on the bed. His words are soothing and careful and yet Brendon flinches at the pet name.
He doesn't know what Ryan wants from him and to be quite honest he isn't sure he has anything left to give. It has taken him a lot to even tolerate Keltie, to behave like a best friend would when they spend time together.
The truth is that they could never be just friends and the fact that Ryan is forcing it upon him is just too much for Brendon. He doesn't think he can do it, not anymore.
"I can't do this Ry," he says as he moves away from him and gets up from the bed.
"Do what?"
"This! Us! You! Her!" Brendon clarifies; a pained expression on his face. Ryan's face looks similar to Brendon's, only his face looks more confused and panic-stricken.
"I'm sorry, Bren. I'm sorry. I don't, I didn't. I'm sorry," is all Ryan can think to say.
"I get it. I do Ryan. You love her," Brendon says sitting down again on the far side of the bed. "You love her."
Ryan nods but doesn't say anything.
"And when I say I'm happy for you I mean it. Really, I do," Brendon adds.
Ryan is staring at the floor, breath heavy and weak, and just hating himself at the moment.
"I just. I don't know anymore. I don't." Brendon says standing up from the bed once again. He gives a humorless, almost embarrassed, laugh as he threads his fingers through his hair. "I think I'm just going to go home early. Maybe visit family. Maybe try and stop being bipolar for a few days, something."
He opens the closet and pulls out his roll away bag.
"I'll see you in a few days or whatever," he says as he turns back to give Ryan a quick glance before walking out of Jon Walker's guest room.
Ryan sits there wordlessly trying to collect his scattered thoughts; he's not even sure what just happened.
***
When the rest of Panic gets back from Chicago, Brendon's had quite sometime to calm down and think things through. He had a few days to get over himself and start being a good friend like he always said he would. A few days to realize it's not all about him; he's in a band for Christ sake.
So when Ryan calls him first thing when they land, he offers to call Keltie and pick her up to go greet them at the airport. Yeah, he knows he's being desperate but he can't help it.
He feels like he has completely fucked things up between him and Ryan and he really just wants to make sure things between them will be ok.
Spencer gets a lift home from Haley, and that leaves Brendon trapped in the car with Ryan and Keltie. He is practically playing chauffeur for the couple but he decidedly sticks it out, thinking it's the least he could do.
But when he pulls up to their house, he just sort of feels like dying.
***
Ring. The Ring. No not the movie, Ryan actually gives Keltie a ring. And Brendon, he doesn't even find out until she is wearing it at Ryan's birthday party. A goddamn party that he helped plan.
He's sitting with Jon, because Jon is the second best entertainer inside of Panic, when he sees Ryan and Keltie PDA'ing it up some few feet away. But he's trying not to focus on them. Nope, he's trying to focus on his and Jon's interesting conversation.
But suddenly it catches his eye. It, being the ridiculously shiny speck on Keltie's left hand that's currently cupped around Ryan's arm as they kiss and dance like no tomorrow.
He abruptly stops paying attention to Jon altogether, his mouth agape as he stares disbelievingly. Jon finally seems to notice that Brendon's no longer with him.
"The fuck is that on her hand?" Brendon finds himself asking with no actual knowledge of his mouth moving.
"What?" Jon asks confused.
"That thing," Brendon points, "on Keltie's hand!"
"Oh, fuck," Jon says honestly bewildered. "Maybe it's just a gift," he tries to reason, "Maybe it's not what we think."
"Jon, seriously look at it," Brendon says with pleading eyes.
"Yeah," is all he says, still staring at the canoodling couple.
Brendon feels like crying but no tears surface and fall, he just feels that tightening in his chest that makes it harder to breathe. He wants to run away and never look back, but he can't. He's sort of glued to the spot, it's like watching a car crash, something you don’t want to see but it's sort of inevitable. Cause if you're meant to witness something, you most definitely will.
"If it's not what we think," he says and it's getting harder to speak, "Why the fuck is she wearing it on her ring finger?" He asks in a shrieking manner.
Without answering, Jon tugs him away from the table and pulls him outside the bar. The autumn New York air is seriously refreshing but not enough to take his mind away from what he just saw.
Brendon coughs and squeezes his eyes shut tightly. God, this can't be happening, he tells himself. Jon wraps his arms tightly around the younger and smaller male. And Brendon, well he finally breaks down, tears flowing freely with soft gasps.
After a few minutes of letting Brendon cry against him, Jon speaks. "Look, just… don't think about it," Jon tells him and Brendon just shakes harder against him.
Jon sighs; he just doesn't want to see Brendon like this. To see his heart break every time he's in the same room with Ryan and Keltie. The kid doesn't deserve it and Jon just wants to make him feel better if he can.
Stroking Brendon's head gently, he speaks, "I'll even help you, Ok?"
Brendon nods his head against Jon finally calming down a bit, "How?"
"Well. First, we go back inside and I buy you some more drinks and then we go out clubbing and dance into the early hours of tomorrow. I know it sounds like a shitty plan, but it’s really the only thing I can come up with on such short notice," Jon says with a hint humor.
Brendon actually laughs at that. "No, it actually says sounds like an ok plan," he says offering Jon a smile that's so unhappy, it makes Jon want to go inside and kick Ryan's ass on Brendon's behalf.
Jon gives him a good squeeze before he holds the door open so they can enter the bar for the second time that night.
***
They get shit faced. Shit faced to the point they can't even go clubbing and that's ok, because Brendon's no longer thinking about stupid Keltie and that ring he thinks should really be his.
He's not thinking at all; he's passed out drunk on a hotel bed.
***
The break up is a messy one, but truth be told no one sees it coming, except for maybe everyone with two eyes.
The reality is; it's a celebration for some.
Brendon smokes a big bowl with Shane when he finds out.
Jon does a happy dance all the way back in Chicago.
And Spencer takes Ryan out for drinks... Ok that last one may have been taken out of context.
***
He timidly makes his way into the bar barely peeking his head into the place as he scans the room. Suddenly there is a hand traveling toward his groin. It doesn't rub or pat but actually squeezes.
This totally catches Brendon off guard and he jumps. He whips around to come face to face with a seductress in the form of a dark haired woman in her late twenties.
She isn't unattractive or anything, she just comes of a little too strong and that’s definitely not his thing.
Her mouth parts as she speaks slowly, "What can I do for you, sweetie?" and the way she said it, says she can do a lot and it makes Brendon gulp.
He chuckles, it's forceful but nervous. "Nothing," he says bluntly then scurries away. She pretends that she isn't disappointed as she makes her way to her next potential customer.
He continues on his way, looking around, trying to spot Ryan. He is not even sure if he is still there at the bar; Spencer only called him about a half hour before, telling him that they had gone out in an attempt to cheer Ryan up.
With drinks?
The plan seemed to have back fired anyway because Ryan had refused to leave the bar and go home.
Brendon can't help but think it was a stupid plan in the first place, which now has him looking around the bar and desperately avoiding the many whores trying to get at him.
He is about ready to give up when he hears forceful giggles coming from a booth in the back of the bar. His eyes travel toward what looks like a couple. But no, it is Ryan; he can tell because he's wearing the paisley scarf he gave him for his past birthday.
Ryan's sitting there with some whore, mind you their in a booth, in his lap who has short blonde hair and is skinny as hell.
Brendon sighs, thinking that she probably reminds Ryan of Keltie, because that's definitely who she reminds Brendon of, even if it could be the fact that he is just a little high. Just a bit.
He makes his way to the booth, stopping his steps once he is standing right beside them. They don't even notice him at first, so engulfed in their groping and Brendon has to clear his throat to make them aware of his presence.
Both their heads snap toward him, the girl obviously sizing him up while Ryan just looks confused.
Brendon sends the girl a hard stare. "Thank you, that'll be all for tonight," he tells her giving her that look that says, 'leave skank'.
She doesn't make any move to get up instead she just squirms around in Ryan's lap causing him to take a sharp intake of breath.
Brendon's getting impatient and maybe just a tad bit jealous. But isn't practically two years worth of jealousy enough?
"Look, whatever you thought you were getting, you're obviously not anymore. So go find some other guy to beg to fuck you," he snaps at the girl. She looks taken aback at first but then her expression changes to one of pure loathing.
She looks toward Ryan expectantly, but he turns away, immediately avoiding eye contact. She scoffs when Ryan looks toward Brendon offering him a half-sheepish and half-apologetic smile.
Brendon's had enough of her and helps pull her off of Ryan's lap.
She is wearing an extremely distasteful short skirt that has ridden up past her upper thigh and the ending curve of her ass. Brendon, apparently even more annoyed with her presence after witnessing her outfit, gently gives her a shove to leave. She only glares at them both as she stumbles away, not even bothering to fix her crooked skirt.
He slides into the seat across from Ryan, taking in the older male's tipsy appearance. Another woman comes over to their booth and luckily this time it's just a waitress.
"Can I see some ID?" she says sweetly to Brendon, catching him by surprise. Most of the time when people card him in Vegas there is nothing sweet about it, it is all rude and accusatory tones stating if he is not over twenty-one he doesn't belong there. Instead he belongs in some Chuck E. Cheese across the street.
He hands the polite women his card and she checks it, her eyes expertly scanning over his date of birth.
"Alright sweetie," she tells him handing his ID back to him. "What can I get you?"
His eyes flicker to Ryan and then back to the waitress. "Two Coronas and a vodka and Red Bull." She imprints the order and offers a smile to the depressing sight then scurried back to the bar.
He only ordered a beer for Ryan and the other drinks are for himself. At the moment he could really used a drink or two. He needs to relax a bit in fear of being an insensitive asshole to Ryan's state.
Ryan suddenly glares at him. "If you were gonna stay for a while you could've let her stay, you know. I was having a good time-"
"With her in your lap?" Brendon interrupts, "And then your dumbass will get all worked up and you two will end up leaving together. Next thing we know it's 9 months later your being subpoenaed with child support papers, or even worse, when we go back on tour your puking your brains out and have some mysterious rash on your cock and can't do shit because you've contracted some viral disease form the whore," Brendon finishes throwing his hands up in exasperation.
And that is exactly why he really needs a drink. In that short monologue he just called Ryan a dumbass who apparently couldn't take care of himself at the moment.
"So, yeah, no thank you," he adds.
Ryan sighs. He perks up as soon as the waitress came back to their table baring drinks. Brendon does too; he is glad for the sedative that will help him relax a bit more.
He pays the waitress for the drinks and even gives her a tip for the fact that she was genuinely nice to them and that she didn't seem to lag it with their order.
Brendon slides over one of the Coronas toward Ryan and pops open the can of Red Bull for himself, tipping its contents into a glass filled halfway with vodka and ice.
He picks up the bobbing straw and begins to mix it as he turns his attention back to Ryan. The older male is staring blankly at the bottle in his hand, obviously thinking. And the way his eyes are staring into the bottle and looking absolutely miserable almost makes Brendon feel bad for him. Almost.
"So... you wanna talk about it?" Brendon asks.
Ryan eyes shoot toward him and suddenly he looks as though he is going through some internal battle. One part telling him to be a man, suck it up, the other screaming to go on and let it all out. And really for the most part he already knows what Ryan is dealing with, what he's feeling, but from the look of the current predicament he figures maybe talking about it would be better that attempting to drink it away.
"I, I, uh," Ryan begins, and so do the tears however much he tried to repress them, it didn’t work.
"It's not fair," the tears fall but there are no sobs just the angry cracking of Ryan's voice.
Brendon nods both in understanding and a signal for him to continue.
"Maybe I was blind but, I thought everything was fine. Up until now she'd been ok with everything. Now all of a sudden she's all, 'I'm sorry Ry, I can't take this anymore'. She starts talking about how it seems like she's second best. And that I'm always talking about the band whenever I'm with her.
"That it's always me or the band and never her. Fuck! I mean if I'm not on tour or at signings or gigs, where am I? I'm with her! I don't know what the hell she was talking about. When was the last time we hung out together outside of Panic?
"Supposedly I don't give her shit about her job or whenever she has jobs out of the country.
"Maybe this is all about the fact that she doesn't have shit to do and has no jobs at the moment. Fuck, maybe she's just bored and pissed off because I have shit to do and I can't be there to keep her busy. Maybe she's just jealous!
"Maybe she's right and I am being an asshole boyfriend. Maybe I'm just not good enough for her."
The last part is added in small murmur the anger seemingly being replaced for self doubt and yeah... pity.
Brendon sighs and takes the last gulp of his drink.
"Hey," he calls out and Ryan looks at him reluctantly.
"You know that's not true Ry," he reasons.
"Yeah it is. I suck at relationships," Ryan counters indignantly.
"Hey, no it's not true," he starts again and Ryan gives him a look that tells him to quit with the bullshit.
Stubbornly he tries again, "While you might suck at relationships, you are good enough. You’re good enough for anyone. Ok?"
Ryan rolls his eyes, "Yeah right."
Brendon sighs, and really he shouldn't be this upset because in all fairness Ryan is talking out of his ass at that moment. He is drunk and yeah Brendon knows that. But it still pisses him off that Ryan is so broken over Keltie. In his opinion she ruined everything her damn self. In his opinion she's the reason Ryan started to keep a distance from Brendon and vise versa. In his opinion she took Ryan away from him.
"Ryan, listen, Ok? I'm fucking serious. Keltie is just a stupid needy fuckin' attention-" he looks around and spots three girls hanging all over a lone guy.
The guy looks like he is rather enjoying himself, though.
He shrugs and expels the word he'd been dancing around all night. "A whore. Ok?"
Something flickers in Ryan's eyes and for a moment it looks as though he might argue. But he doesn't, instead he agrees, "You know what? You're right and I should've known from all those times she kept giving Jon those 'fuck me' eyes whenever she thought I wasn’t looking."
Brendon shakes his head, "Exactly, man. Wait, what?"
Ryan shakes his head ignoring Brendon's shocked face, "I'm not stupid, man."
He's almost done with his own Corona, Ryan has been done with his for a few moments and is once again sitting there looking bored and miserable.
Brendon downs the last of his beer and sets it down on the table top. He allows himself a good stretch as he stands up from the booth and looks around the depressing atmosphere.
"Get up."
"Wait, where are we going?" Ryan asks clearly confused.
"I'm talking you home. So get up."
"Home where?" Ryan looks absolutely petrified and Brendon snorts amused.
"You're drunk stupid. I'm taking you to your house," he tells Ryan unnecessarily.
"Oh," Ryan says realizing his thoughts are indeed fuzzy, "Right. Ok." However he still hasn't gotten up from the booth and he isn't sure he even wants to.
Brendon pinches the bridge of his nose as pointless frustration over takes him again and he starts walking away from the booth. Expecting Ryan to follow, he doesn't even look back; just staggers outside of the bar with a quite pleasant buzz from the two drinks and the weed he smoked in his apartment before leaving.
Few seconds later Ryan exits the bar attempting to straighten himself out. He flattens the ruffles on his shirt from the girl, when she was pressed up against him as he follows Brendon to the car, without saying a word he gets in.
Brendon follows suit. He checks his mirrors and fastens his seat belt suddenly feeling very OCD about diving regulations. As he starts up the car he thinks that maybe he shouldn't be driving but he concludes that no, he isn't drunk; he is just really really relaxed.
"Seatbelt," he tells Ryan who complies with a noisy grunt.
Brendon heads for Ryan's house humming a low tune that doesn't amount to an actual song, just random noises. The ride isn't long but when they pull up to the house he notices that Ryan has already fallen asleep.
Brendon rests his head on his hands that are still gripping the steering wheel. He's trying to avoid thinking but it's hard, all he wants to do is think and that's probably due to the weed.
He sighs knowing he has to wake Ryan up and should probably help him to bed. But he looks so peaceful not thinking about anything, especially Keltie, with his mouth parted and glistening with the beginnings of drool.
Brendon rubs at his eyes before gently shaking Ryan awake.
"Come on Ryan, wake up."
"I'm up," he mumbles not even stirring.
"Get out then, you're home," he tells him voice still quiet. To his surprise Ryan sits up and he undoes his seat belt blindly and sleepily makes his way out of the car.
"You need help?" Brendon asks warily because he honestly doesn’t trust that Ryan will be ok tonight.
"Nah, I'm fine," he tells Brendon then attempts to close the car door, only he's still standing between the door and car so he just ends up hitting himself in the process.
He lets out a groan and Brendon sighs unbuckling himself as well. He follows Ryan who has successfully closed the car door and is now walking up the pathway still rubbing at his arm drunkenly.
Once they reach the door Ryan fishes his keys out of his pocket and leans against the wall. Brendon looks at him questioningly and Ryan just hands over his keys to him, apparently already sensing he won't be able to open the door himself if he bothers to try.
When they finally make it inside they part ways, Ryan heads to his bedroom and Brendon goes into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee.
When it's done he takes a cup to Ryan's bedroom only to find Ryan laying face down shirtless on top of his bedspread.
Brendon walks over to the nightstand by the bed and sets the cup down.
"Ryan, I made coffee," he says nudging Ryan awake once again. Grunting he rolls over and sits up slowly, he makes grabby hands toward the cup.
Brendon laughs but carefully places the steaming mug in Ryan's hands. "It's hot," he warns. Ryan whimpers as he takes a gulp.
"Idiot, I told you it was hot," he takes the cup as Ryan hands it back to him and sets it back down on a nightstand. "Any serious damage?" Brendon asks half-mockingly as he crawls into the bed next to Ryan.
Ryan rubs his tongue across his top lip, feeling the extent of the damage as it exit and enter his mouth repeatedly. "I don't know... its kind of numb," he tells Brendon unsure.
Brendon grips Ryan's chin; his eyes surveying Ryan's lips and then flickering to his eyes. It's stupid, he knows it is, but he doesn't fight the urge and he slowly brings their mouths together. He doesn't bother to make eye contact because Ryan's eyes slip shut as soon as Brendon's hand was gently gripping his chin.
Ryan's mouth opens freely and Brendon's tongue is already forcefully exploring. He briefly wonders why he's even doing this, why he's kissing Ryan as though his life depends on it but he really rather stop thinking and enjoy this. Mainly because it's been so long and he'd rather think about it when his thoughts actually make sense. So, his hand releases Ryan's chin and moves to curl behind his neck instead.
The soothing movements of his thumb softly stroking Ryan's nape and their tongues practically rubbing in some odd rhythm are keeping Ryan's eyes sealed shut. Both of them are unwilling to part for air and are only using the air that's supplied nasally. Or at least Brendon is. He isn't even sure if Ryan's even breathing but the fact that he is at least participating is enough proof that he hasn't died of asphyxiation yet.
Brendon is pushing his body against Ryan's in an attempt to get Ryan to lie down. Only Ryan won't budge and is just pushing back against him.
Brendon attempts to pull back so that he can tell him to lay the fuck down but suddenly Ryan's arms are wrapping around his waist and finally. Finally he lays back pulling Brendon down on top of him.
Brendon sighs into Ryan's mouth finally breaking the kiss.
Before Brendon can say anything Ryan speaks, "You're stupid," he says lightly. Brendon laughs as he settles his head on Ryan's shoulder.
"Why?"
"You were only supposed to check the 'extent of the damage'."
"Well how could I even tell, I'm not the one who burned their tongue," he says lifting his head to reveal a smirk.
This time Ryan laughs.
"Besides, I was trying to make you feel better," he says lying his head back down.
"Well you did so thanks." Brendon nods knowingly.
"I know another way you can make me feel better," Ryan suggests lowly.
"How's that?" Brendon asks. His voice deep and curious as his index finger gently taps Ryan's shoulder. Ryan grabs his hand, Brendon's finger in mid motion. Smirking he guides it to his mouth sucking it in, Brendon eyes widen slightly before slipping shut.
He lets his tongue roam the underside of the finger and hollows his cheeks around it. He holds Brendon's hand steady in his own as he tries his best to bob his head up and down while in the position he's in.
His own cock is already getting painfully hard with Brendon's weight on him and when he releases Brendon's finger he is more than ready and worked up.
Brendon groans loudly as he slides down Ryan's body.
Ryan laughs again and right then he can blame his giddy mood on his intoxicated state.
Brendon undoes the belt on Ryan's not-too-tight-jeans and hardly struggles to slide them down. He lets them pool around his ankles too impatient to take off Ryan's shoes and rid him of the pants completely.
"Dude, do you ever wear underwear?" Brendon almost completely forgot about that, but this instance definitely reminds him and it sends this retarded warm feeling straight to his stomach.
"Hardly," Ryan answers him, breath heavy.
Brendon just shakes his head before he settles it in between Ryan's thighs. He lays a hand on Ryan's hip just in case Ryan's gets impatient and decides to do all the work and fuck his mouth.
"Any day, Bren."
"Well, if I'm taking too long for you, you can go ahead and go back to that skanky ass girl at the bar," Brendon says, eyebrow raised.
"Well if you’re going to tell me stuff like that, then maybe I should," Ryan says while attempting to get up. However Brendon does not grant him the satisfaction. Nope, instead he just not-so-gently digs his fingertips into the muscle of Ryan's inner thigh causing the older male to moan loudly.
Brendon's sure it's not from pleasure either, but he doesn't really care because it has gotten the job done, Ryan is once again lying on the bed impatiently.
"Asshole," Ryan groans.
Brendon shrugs and dips his head kissing Ryan's thigh. He makes an appreciative noise in his throat; Ryan's skin against his lips feels good, feels familiar. And the sigh that leaves Ryan's mouth makes him think that maybe Ryan feels the same. Like maybe he's missed Brendon as much as Brendon missed him.
His hot breath is finally against Ryan's cock and Ryan probably thinking it's about damn time when Brendon's lips finally take him in.
Ryan squirms, his mind a bit clearer and a tad hazier all at once. His hips are dying to buck up but a restricting hand on them is stopping him from the action. So instead he's pushing his ass back against the bed and his hands are gripping and releasing the spread of his bed, slightly tugging and then smoothing it down.
Ryan groans loudly and Brendon looks up because it doesn't sound like a pleasured noise more like a frustrated one.
Brendon rolls his eyes, "Just play with my hair or something." And really he only suggested it for his own benefit, he loves it when people are touching his head either one and playing with his hair.
His mouth goes back to working its magic, drawing Ryan into another level of alertness and incoherent-ness. Ryan's twirling and threading his fingers in Brendon's hair and Brendon is pretty sure this is what Heaven's like in some twisted sinful way.
Ryan moans loudly when Brendon slides his tongue over the slit of his cock. Enjoying Ryan's needy outburst he wraps his mouth around Ryan's once again, sucking and adding pressure slightly with each withdrawal.
His free hand, the one that isn't restraining Ryan's hips, moves up to cup at his balls, rubbing in slow circular motion and Ryan grows still, holding his breath as he wills himself not to come yet.
Brendon pulls off of his cock and places a kiss on Ryan's thigh. "Ryan, come on. Come for me," he coaxes.
Ryan lets out a slow breath when he feels Brendon's hand wrap around his dick, starting to pump at different speeds.
Ryan hips are moving at their own accord and at that point Brendon is traveling back up Ryan's body, biting his lower lip because at that point he's so fucking hard he might explode..
He releases his bottom lip to capture Ryan's, nibbling gently. Ryan's tongue forces itself into Brendon's mouth and he can't suppress the moan that escapes.
With a squeeze of Brendon's hand the kiss falters, Ryan gasps out Brendon's name as he comes over Brendon's hand and his lower stomach, Brendon stroking him through his orgasm.
Ryan's breathing is slowly regaining its normal pace and Brendon's hand is already working on his own needs.
Ryan grabs at his wrist, "I got it," he says replacing Brendon's hand. He strokes and squeezes, alternating pressures and soon enough Brendon's coming with a loud shuddering moan.
They lay there regaining proper functions of their bodies and normal breathing patterns.
"I'm sorry," Ryan says quietly once his voice feels steady enough to speak.
Brendon shakes his head. "You'd better be," he tells Ryan not even bothering to make his words sound stern.
Ryan laughs shaking his head. "I am," he says and places a warm kiss against the corner of Brendon's mouth. Brendon smiles at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling a bit.
Sure this isn't the way he imagined it would happen. Not at all actually. For one, he didn't imagine them being drunk and two, he imagined the apology would've came before the sex but, he thinks that maybe he's always had too high of expectations when it comes to Ryan. And for now he's willing to take whatever Ryan will give him.
Because up until now Ryan hasn't given him much of anything.
"What are you thinking?" Ryan asks placing a kiss in the crook of Brendon's neck.
"That Keltie is a dumb bitch. And you're better off without her," Brendon answers half honest as his thoughts turn to the subject, also seeing no reason to hold back on the Keltie bashing.
Ryan nods against him, "Yeah? I think so too."
edit: twitter quote!
brendonuriesays love me, love me. say that you love me. i can't care about anything but you.
Tue 23 Jun via 2:07pm via web
hehe, go figure :D